Where the hell is the PCV valve on a 3.4L, PLEASE HELP.

Right on top of the passenger side valve cover. Towards the front. It's probably a white plastic 90 degree elbow and the hose runs toward the rear of the engine.

Remove the rectangular intake silencer and youll see the pcv valve easily. Front of the passenger side valve cover. Has a hose going from it to the Throttle body. Just changed mine. Be carfeull not to tear the rubber o-ring on the valve cover when removing, as it is re-used.

funny, never saw that mine had one...

never replaced mine either. hmm.. maybe Ill have to look at it.

I just changed mine yesterday as part of the maintenance. It had failed and oil was seeping out of the gasket.

I had some gunk leaking out of mine also when I checked it a month or two ago. I thought the valve was bad, but when I took it out, it rattled like it is supposed to. It was a dealer replaced part 40K miles ago, and it was much better quality than the cheap plastic Advance Auto part I bought to replace it, so I cleaned it out and put it back on. I cleaned it by spraying a bunch of engine degreaser through it. Cleaned up real nice.
Oil had actually leaked down the top of the valve cover and travelled all the way around the valve cover's rim. I sprayed the covers with engine degreaser and scrubbed em down with an acid brush. That was a couple thousand miles ago and there is no leakage to be seen since.
I also replaced the PCV hose which had some cracking. It is possible that the leakage was from the hose to valve connection. Make sure you inspect the hoses as well. I had two vac hoses that needed to be replaced.

My grommet was leaking when I did my valve cover gaskets. They are notorious for leaking and a royal PITA to get out (I had to break it to get it out). IMO, cleaning up the PCV valve may not keep the gasket from leaking. You may have to replace the gasket. ~$8.xx from the stealer.
My 2 cents are to replace the gasket to keep it from leaking, or see if some regular shop grease will seal it.
When I did my valve cover gaskets I replaced the following:
PCV Valve
PCV Valve Grommet
Spark Plug Tube Seals
2 Intake Manifold Gaskets
Valve Cover Gaskets