We need to buy a larger vehicle (my current daily commuter is a Mazda Miata) and my wife wants either a Highlander or a Mazda CX9. Personally, I think that the 4Runner is a more interesting alternative, although the lack of manual transmission is a major turn-off. My off-roading experience is zero, although I did take my Miata to the track a few times. I would be interested in having fun off-road, although I dont know where to begin

From a driver enthusiast's perspective, which one is superior? Is the 4Runner essentially an off-road truck?

Thank you for your help!

Buy a highlander.

^^^^^ x2

Thanks. Are you saying that simply because the Highlander is more car-like than the 4Runner?

Yep, if you're even considering a Highlander and a CX-9, then you'll probably be happier with the Highlander.

FWIW, i went on a road trip last year in a 2012 highlander and it drives a lot better on the highway than my 4runner.

Let me clarify. If it was my choice alone, I would buy a Subaru WRX.

However, my wife (not me!) wants 'an SUV'. I was wondering which SUV can potentially offer ME a potential for fun. The Highlander is nice, but super-boring.

Wife would enjoy the Highlander a lot more. My auntie has one and her kids love riding in it.

Especially with the 2014+ 4Runners, most females consider then too "aggressive" in the front but the 4th gens are good looking in their books.

If you plan to drive an SUV offroad on just gravel roads/grass but not rough terrain with mud, dirt and primitive roads I would opt the Highlander or even a Pilot.

Highlander for the win for you.

Assume we're talking 2wd ? If so highlander for sure rides like a camry & the best part of an suv IMO is being up higher to see traffic which to me is super important especially if you have kids ! The advantage to see ahead is a luxury with as many bad drivers out there . Also have awd if needed !

The Highlander is crossover, the 4Runner is a body on a frame truck.

The Highlander will ride better, it's smoother, the steering is more precise, the turning radius is smaller, it'll brake better, etc, etc, etc, it's an easier to drive vehicle, it's like a big car.

The 4Runner is bigger, higher, MUCH burlier, better off road, better in bad weather, it can haul more, it can tow more, it can accidentally back over your miata if you're not paying attention. It's a big, burly, rugged, reliable go (almost) anywhere truck.

Neither one is better than the other, it's all about using the right tool for the job. If you look under a Highlander it's a McPherson Strut front suspension, independent rear suspension, small axles, small driveshafts, small differentials, small control arms... it's a big cushy AWD hatchback. You look under a 4Runner and it's a solid rear axle, skid plates, huge suspension components, bulky drivetrain, big everything... it's a truck with a full body. They are totally different classes of vehicles, if you're cross shopping a CX9 a 4Runner is not what you're looking for.

I have a 97 Miata (supercharged) a 94 4R SR5 and 2012 T4R trail with KDSS. Before purchasing the trail I rented several suv's including a Jeep, a Caddie, a highlander and test drove a CX9. Of all the vehicles the T4R Trail was the best handling on the road. The lack of manual box is annoying but I have gotten use to it and frequently use manual selection of gears especially on twisty roads. I liked the handling of the highlander and I drove both on and off road -rutted and steep gravel roads covered in snow and ice and the AWD worked well in all situations I encountered. Generally a good ride but softer than my trail. I liked the highlander and shortlisted it. Especially the price compared to the Trail.
The Highlander I think has easier access for driver and passengers (not as high off the ground)
The T4R with KDSS has thicker roll bars which help in the handling coupled with manual selection of gears makes for an all round joy in driving on road.
Now the T4Rs have stability control and if the ecu thinks you are going too fast round a bend it will "break" the outside front wheel causing the front end to wash out of the bend. When it first happens it does cause certain muscles to contract. The SR5 and trail are both part time 4X4 , which means they are rear wheel drive when not in 4x4. It's definitely not a miata but for a big truck the handling is excellent. The T4R is an off road truck that handles well on the road. If you are considering T4R do test drive a trail with KDSS before you decide. Now I will admit my Trail spends nearly 100% of its time on the road but when it has been in adverse conditions it has performed exceptionally well……which just means you will have the capability of getting really stuck in a really remote place!
…as for space the miata wins….I needed to transport a compressor and tall air tank that had to be kept vertical so the oil would stay in place. So it was top down in the miata with the thing squeezed between the center console and the door with window down in the passenger seat…oh and it was snowing.

You sound like a car enthusiast with a miata taken to the track and the desire for a WRX. The 4Runner is more of an enthusiast vehicle than a highlander. If it is mainly for you to drive, then consider the 4Runner. If it is mainly for your wife, then she would likely be happier in the highlander. You could also consider a used SUV and a WRX

That was an excellent explanation. Thank you!

Thank you all for the informative replies. I now have a much better idea of what is involved.

My wife is asking: which of these vehicles is easier to get into trouble (accident) with for a causal driver: 4Runner or Highlander/CX9?