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Old 11-21-2013, 08:48 PM #16
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Dude yes! Lift weights. I used to a lot and you feel sooo good.

Get a gym membership and get pumped!
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Old 11-21-2013, 08:54 PM #17
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Nothing in life worth having comes easy.

That being said I'll third exercise. I broke my hand recently and couldnt lift for a few months and it's amazing how much better I feel even after just a few days back in the gym.
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Old 11-21-2013, 08:56 PM #18
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since were getting into the holiday season, ever seen the movie "its a wonderful life" ? the underlying message in that movie thats always spoken to me (especially when i dealt with something very similar to what you are) is that your life means a hell of a lot more than you might think it does, and you are very possibly the reason someone gets up every morning. i could be shooting into the dark here, but that idea always helped me when i was feeling low.

if you haven't seen it...
It's a Wonderful Life (1946) - IMDb
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Old 11-21-2013, 08:57 PM #19
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Nothing in life worth having comes easy.

That being said I'll third exercise. I broke my hand recently and couldnt lift for a few months and it's amazing how much better I feel even after just a few days back in the gym.
@BlackWorksInc Official: Gym/Workout Thread hit us up over here man
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Old 11-21-2013, 09:10 PM #20
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Sorry to hear you're struggling with things. But know that you're not alone and that people do care- I think this thread is proof of that. People here have offered some really solid things to help you cope, but if I could offer any advice it would be that you talk with a professional counselor//therapist.

It's a shame that mental health issues have carried a stigma for years and it causes some people (I'm not saying you, just speaking generally...) to be afraid to seek help. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness. Actually, it's the opposite- It's a sign that you are strong enough to admit there's something wrong and you need help in figuring it out.

Please, talk to someone. I'm not saying it will "cure" you, but it certainly can't hurt to get things off your chest and learn some coping tools that can help you.

I personally haven't had depression issues, but I watched my oldest son struggle in HS due to being bullied, feeling alone and not accepted and it was the most painful things I've ever gone through in my life. To see him suffer and know that I couldn't take his pain away. I really wanted to do very bad things to the people that caused him pain. But of course I knew that wasn't possible and what good what it have done for him.

But going to counseling really helped him cope and deal and he's going much better now.

As for others who have shared here, I commend you for sharing. It's never easy to admit anything that could be a sign of weakness, especially for men. But again, it's not a sign of weakness. It takes someone brave to admit and open up about things. So, if anyone is feeling overwhelmed with life, please talk to a professional. For some, you may have programs through your work, like EAP- Employee Assistance Program. I've helped my employees get help in the past through the program and it helped them.

I guess what I'm trying to say is you don't have to do this alone.

I wish everyone luck and if anyone ever wants to talk- I'm willing to listen...

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Old 11-21-2013, 09:27 PM #21
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Heh, I'll have to consider going to the gym. I used to be pretty in shape in college when I was pole vaulting, but they cut me because of my dislocating shoulder (even though I was still doing damn well, all because some quack made a funny noise from my shoulder and they just dropped me like a rock) and that hit me very hard psychologically. Last time I went to the gym I ended up doing more harm than good because I have this "cripple factor" in my head so I expect myself to be 4 times better than everyone else no matter if my shoulder is falling out of my socket or my muscles fail on me or I bleed out on the gym floor; I still better have herculean strength to prove I'm not damaged (hurray for negative feedback loops). I'm trying to get in the right mindset to exercise and not use it as an excuse to physically punish myself for what ever twisted self-hatred I have going on in my head.

Its nice to know some people can relate, my job has been throwing me and a couple coworkers under the bus lately and basically due to our current set of managers it is getting to become very very slimy and it gets harder and harder to do my job without feeling like I am being dishonest to myself. I try really hard not to let the stuff at work get to me, but I have a sense of self-responsibility, honor, and honesty that make it hard to be crooked and/or not do the right thing.

I don't actually have a significant other at the moment (another long, painful story I'd rather not go into at the moment) and its just me and my cat really(just one for now, haven't gone all cat lady yet!)... though she doesn't seem to want to spend much time with me either these days (typical cat, lol).

My biggest issue these days is just being motivated to do anything in general. I skipped out a couple off-roading trips (actually I haven't been to the shooting range or the dirt since January) mainly due to near-debilitating apathy. I'll get excited about doing something or start to head for the door and by the time I get my keys I'm awash in just "why bother? What's the point? Its too much effort for the inevitable crash from joy..." and I just end up staying home. Its nice to hear from people though who have had similar issues, it helps try to reinforce the small shred of me that still seems to want to actually keep moving forward rather than just being content with this stale, stressful, and depressive period in my life.


I tried spirituality, nothing against those who believe in religions, God and I just don't seem to talk much anymore. I'm mainly agnostic, I don't disbelieve the existance of "God" as many people see him/her/it, but I just find that the only real thing that can be proven and constant is balance (always a light/white/positive, dark/black/negative, and always a neutral/grey where everything meshes and the majority of life seems to live.) Unfortunately my adventures in spirituality end up in a macabre contemplation of the purpose of human life, and the simple nothingness that is death, the eventual destruction and darkness that will envelop all of mankind, the universe, and every last particle as entropy takes over.

To be honest sometimes I feel like the old saying is probably too true; "Ignorance is Bliss." Being someone who is highly analytical, introspective, and has an almost unconscious need to solve puzzles and decipher things leads to thinking about things most people probably never even consider in their entire life. (Not trying to pad my ego here, but I think many people here understand what I mean.)

I know it seems like I make a lot of excuses, I tend to be great at helping everyone around me get their life in order; but apparently being able to analyze and be consciously aware of your negative/broken mental programming isn't enough to actually correct it. I will definantly take a look at all the links you guys posted and try and work up to the suggestions posted, these days I'm just in a holding pattern in my life. I'm not exactly waiting for life to get better, I'm more or less waiting for that brief moment where my mind actually believes in things like hope, happiness, and such; because these days it all seems like BS to me.

For those of you who don't know, or haven't experienced Depression a fellow friend of mine who struggles with depression found that this blogpost did an amazing job of explaining what its like to be depressed. I found it extremely helpful when I had some people ask me "what its like to be depressed?" because many people think its just being "sad all the time," its actually far deeper than that. Anyways, something for you guys to help educate others about Depression if they ask you about it, since you've all been so great to help me out, I figure that maybe other members who are having as difficult a time as I or you guys who posted are can benefit from finding help for themselves and others as well and use this as a reference?)

Hyperbole and a Half: Adventures in Depression (part 1)
Hyperbole and a Half: Depression Part Two (part 2)

Post Note-

I'm trying to get a hold of an old therapist I used to see a while ago, he was really the only person I truly trusted enough to talk with and didn't try to treat me as a symptoms list out of the DSM but as an actual person and friend. I spoke with many people who have tried therapy (myself included) who have played the revolving door game with therapists because many aren't trained properly or don't seem to care enough about their patients. Many tend to stick so rigidly to their diagnostic scripts and textbooks that they forget they are talking to a person and as someone who has dealt with these types of therapists all his life, I can tell you that if you're going to treat me like I'm a textbook chapter, I'm going to treat you like the idiot you are; which is why I decided my last therapist was wasting my time as much as hers.

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Old 11-21-2013, 09:45 PM #22
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i too feel this way from time to time, sometimes im not sure why, i have a loving family two wonderful kids, a great group of friends, God, ect... but there are just some things in life that are out of my control that when they hit, they hit like a ton of bricks... i recently lost my job because of budget cuts... personally i think my job should be done no matter what -i did military funeral honors. but someone somewhere felt it was a luxury and cut the program... so now im without a job, was given less than two weeks notice and yeah boom -now part of my depression is its the holiday season, i didnt save money like i should have, so now im scraping the bottom of the barrel and the work really isnt there... i feel im once again in a rut, i know it will change, but when? there are other stressers too more personal ones that vary between every person.

the other thing that i think gets me sometimes is laziness, sometimes i know there are things i could do, but there are other things that id rather do, or i just dont feel like doing them. part of me is seriously afraid of failure. and i figure if i dont try, i cant fail -thats a terrible attitude to have btw, but i own it. -im even like that with cars and truck sometimes i put things off because i am worried i cant do it or wont be able to do it right.

i am also a very social person, so when i dont interact with people it gets worse, if i could id hang out and BS with people all day. -youd say that get a sales job, yeah i hate trying to sell someone something, i worry too much about what others think or feel(even online sometimes). its hard to be "the real you" in society anymore, we have been fed this lie that X, Y, and Z is how we should all be, but in reality there is the entire alphabet and when we dont fit into the X,Y, and Z we are looked appon as strange and no one wants to be strange or different...

idk, i say your normal man everyone has it, only most are too afraid of saying it, and want to be tough and play the Conan role... well even Conan was depressed and being all tough and rough didnt fix his depression there was still the void...

i agree with others who say find a hobby or something that intrests you, who knows maybe that means go back to school part time for a night class, or something, or pick up a new interest, try something new.
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Old 11-21-2013, 09:47 PM #23
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This is my 3rd try at replying. My other attempts included too much family information that is not mine to share. Will's advice is excellent and I echo what he posted. My story is like many already posted, I suffer from depression and accept it for what it is. My brothers and my kids do too. Our mantra has become "embrace the meds" as almost all of us have found the right one for ourselves and oddly, different from each other. I'm not about to debate the pros and cons of medication but they do work. Unfortunately it can be hard to find the right one or combination to work for each of us.

You need to find a doc you can talk to and trust, groups can help but I'm a believer that depression is largely a chemical imbalance that can be re-balanced.

Hang in there, keep searching and you'll find what works for yourself with the help of experts. Don't try to go it alone, that simply doesn't work.
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Old 11-21-2013, 10:11 PM #24
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Like other members, I say your courage at opening up is helpful and your strengths are there.

I struggled with major depression for many many years. The early years were bad. It got easier and as I got older I was able to separate for the situations which led to my feeling hopeless. I found that the SSRI meds were very helpful for the chemical imbalance but the KEY for me was to get out amongst other people. I would sit at market cafes start conversations with others and refused to isolate myself. It was easily one of the bardest things to do and the gym did help. Eating well, sleeping at least 7 hours and drinking a healthy water (not tap) also was helpful.

Now as an R.N. for twenty years I can tell you for certain that these actions and talking with someone was very helpful. Keep your chin up. I can hear the strengths in you as you write. Grasp this challenge and succeed over time. It seems like another lifetime now for me but I walked it and walked out of it.
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Old 11-21-2013, 10:36 PM #25
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Its not about helping others get happy. Its about carrying a bag of groceries for someone, opening a door, helping someone learn to read, riding a bike around the block. Baby steps man. Even if nobody ever thanks you for helping YOU know you did a good deed, and it feels good inside. Both my wife and I try to do one good thing for someone a day even if its just opening a door or picking up a package. Please try it.

To the poster above who carries a note: I do too from my wife. Its engraved on a dog tag. It says "If I am knocked out please call Mrs. 1Engineer at 555-XXXX" lol. Its for when I ride the trails alone. Too many accidents I guess.
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Old 11-21-2013, 10:37 PM #26
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Thanks for opening up to us.
Lots of good ideas offered. I'd like to suggest another that has helped for my sister. Keep the cat if you want but get a (bigger) dog that needs to get out to do it's thing. This leads to a forced routine to get outside and gives options for exercise (walking, running, hiking.)
Best of luck.
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Old 11-21-2013, 10:38 PM #27
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you guys are brave, i can never tell something like this to anybody, i dealt with depression in my late teens till earlier this year, and no one knows about it not even my parents or my best friends, im only telling you guys because the likelihood of us meeting is slim, and even then i stared at this message for at least 30 mins now trying to decide if i should post. i put up a very good front, to everyone else i was a jolly happy guy, but inside i was messed up, i was drinking, doing drugs, smoking cigarettes like a chimney, i felt like death every morning when i wake up. then one day after watching some youtube videos made by elliott hulse and frank yang, both brilliant philosophers and weight lifters. i decide to go back to my old hobby of weight lifting, i got very serious with it, and got on to the journey of becoming the strongest version of myself, mentally and physically. eventually i start to get healthy, i drank less, smoked less, cut out drugs and people that are bad influence in my life, start to get into more hobbies. i hate to say this but the best person to help you get out of depression is yourself, it's very hard to accept help from people when you don't want to fix the problem yourself. sometimes you just have to look at the bigger picture, and do what's best for you, believe in yourself, stick to your gut feeling, don't over think it, don't fear it, just do it.
Here are a couple of videos that helped me, check it out.

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Old 11-22-2013, 12:18 AM #28
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Many people posted about how they had depression issues in their late teens, I'm in the thick of that right now and to be quite honest right now is the first time I've ever told anyone, nor do I plan to. I have been to therapy in the past for other reasons, and to be quite honest it did more harm than good. Because rather than being able to move on and forget, I was forced to talk my way through it which really just implanted that event further into my mind where I have now reached the point that I will never forget nor forgive. I feel like for me whenever something starts to get better all the sudden something changes and everything is back to being terrible. At the end of my Sophomore year in High School I could no longer deal with the situation I was in and had actually reached the point where I would go entire school days without saying a single word. That caused me to change schools to a school where I get a much worse education, however while I'm no longer ridiculed I have become basically unable to have a social life and make friends, and I can honestly say I have only one real friend on this earth with whom I've grown up with since the age of 4. I have reached the point where the only thing I really look forward to is graduating high school and going somewhere and never coming back to this island. However I actually have done a lot of work to distract myself from the pain. Joining this forum has done more for me than I can even comprehend because it gives me something to focus on and do to keep my mind off of whatever is bothering me at the time by simply researching suspensions or looking into bumpers. That and writing have been the most helpful to me. There was a night at my worst where I stayed up and wrote an entire book. The biggest problem for me, is that I know exactly why, when, and how this all started for me and it is something I will likely never forget as it was one mistake that literally changed everything about my life. And I honestly am hopeful, I feel that if I move some place else and get in with the right people and make real friends that I can change everything and be fine within a matter of months, but living on an island with only about 250 or so kids my age, everyone knows everything and it is therefore impossible for me to move on while I'm here. I feel like I know exactly what I have to do to put this behind me but I can't. It's just like how the people who give the best advice don't know how to use it themselves. I can talk the talk but can't walk the walk and take the next step. And now I have successfully stared at this post for at least 30 minutes deciding if I'm actually going to post it or not and I'm constantly reminded how everything that I have endured could easily be put behind me if I didn't have so much time to waste on thinking about it and remembering things that I wouldn't wish on anyone. And also many of y'all mentioned that gym as being helpful, but that has not been the case for me I have been lifting for about a year now and have gained maybe 5 pounds and barely any strength as I'm still the scrawny weak 138 lb. kid I've always been. But anyways I guess at this point the best thing I can do is hit the submit reply button.
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Old 11-22-2013, 12:40 AM #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HHIRunner View Post
Many people posted about how they had depression issues in their late teens, I'm in the thick of that right now and to be quite honest right now is the first time I've ever told anyone, nor do I plan to. I have been to therapy in the past for other reasons, and to be quite honest it did more harm than good. Because rather than being able to move on and forget, I was forced to talk my way through it which really just implanted that event further into my mind where I have now reached the point that I will never forget nor forgive. I feel like for me whenever something starts to get better all the sudden something changes and everything is back to being terrible. At the end of my Sophomore year in High School I could no longer deal with the situation I was in and had actually reached the point where I would go entire school days without saying a single word. That caused me to change schools to a school where I get a much worse education, however while I'm no longer ridiculed I have become basically unable to have a social life and make friends, and I can honestly say I have only one real friend on this earth with whom I've grown up with since the age of 4. I have reached the point where the only thing I really look forward to is graduating high school and going somewhere and never coming back to this island. However I actually have done a lot of work to distract myself from the pain. Joining this forum has done more for me than I can even comprehend because it gives me something to focus on and do to keep my mind off of whatever is bothering me at the time by simply researching suspensions or looking into bumpers. That and writing have been the most helpful to me. There was a night at my worst where I stayed up and wrote an entire book. The biggest problem for me, is that I know exactly why, when, and how this all started for me and it is something I will likely never forget as it was one mistake that literally changed everything about my life. And I honestly am hopeful, I feel that if I move some place else and get in with the right people and make real friends that I can change everything and be fine within a matter of months, but living on an island with only about 250 or so kids my age, everyone knows everything and it is therefore impossible for me to move on while I'm here. I feel like I know exactly what I have to do to put this behind me but I can't. It's just like how the people who give the best advice don't know how to use it themselves. I can talk the talk but can't walk the walk and take the next step. And now I have successfully stared at this post for at least 30 minutes deciding if I'm actually going to post it or not and I'm constantly reminded how everything that I have endured could easily be put behind me if I didn't have so much time to waste on thinking about it and remembering things that I wouldn't wish on anyone. And also many of y'all mentioned that gym as being helpful, but that has not been the case for me I have been lifting for about a year now and have gained maybe 5 pounds and barely any strength as I'm still the scrawny weak 138 lb. kid I've always been. But anyways I guess at this point the best thing I can do is hit the submit reply button.
Hey man i can relate, doing new hobbies can really help to keep yourself busy, for me i got into motorcycles, Photography, powerlifting, wheeling which open the window for a whole another group of people and friends. If you ever need any help with gym shoot me a pm, my self esteem skyrocketed after i got in better shape and made some big gains, im sure it can help you as well.
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Old 11-22-2013, 08:48 AM #30
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These heart felt posts really mean a great deal I think to the OP. Sometimes depression can indeed be caused by the wrong circumstances and moving away can be a good move.

There was a line from the group Yes from the song "Yours Is No Disgrace" which went.

"lost in losing circumstances that's just where you are"

I took it to mean that its not about you don't judge or be harsh on yourself just get to better situations. It helped me understand that things happen it's not your fault….

Now 60, I can say the teenage years and twenties for men can be very hard to figure all this out. It gets easier….it does. My life began to come together in my 30's.

Have Faith. Keep driving.
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