06-21-2013, 07:07 PM
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#286
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: mesa az
Posts: 2,271
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Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: mesa az
Posts: 2,271
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guy walks into a bar, sits and asks for a drink.
he notices a big pickle jar stuffed to the top with cash.
he asks the bartender whats that for.
bartended says, well , if you complete three tasks you get all the
money in the jar, if you don't , you put $20 in it.
guy says, well whats the three tasks.
bartender says, well 1st, you see that guy at the end of the bar.
the guy looks and sees a huge ugly gorilla looking monster of a man.
bartender says, you gotta knock him out.
2nd task, theres a viscous rottwieler behind the bar that has a bad tooth,
you gotta pull his bad tooth out.
guy sighs and says.... ok..
3rd. bartender says, theres a woman in a trailer out back,
you just gotta give her the best orgasm shes ever had.
guy says ok ok.. so knock the guy out, pull the bad tooth, and screw her brains out.
he thinks about it for a few minutes, asks the bartender for another shot.
few minutes go by, and the guy gets up, walks down to the end of the bar.
he taps the guy on the shoulder. the guy turns around and stands up.
the guy thinks again for a sec after he sees how huge and ruff this guy is.
out of nowhere with lightning speed the guy cracks him , and he drops like a sack of potatoes. everyone goes crazy because nobody has ever completed this first task.
someone buys the guy a shot out of respect.
the guy shoots down the shot and says ok, the dog.
the guy heads outback. hes out there for a while, you hear the dog
howling and growling, and wimpering.
bout 30 minutes later, the guy walks back into the bar all excited.
and says " ALL RIGHT, NOW WHERES THE BI#CH WITH THE BAD TOOTH"
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2007 Driftwood Pearl SR5 V6 4x4 /MB Wheels TKO 17x8.5 -6mm/ Hankook dynapro mt2 285/70/17 / bilstein 5100s -1.5 daystar rear spacer lift on moog fj coils / 1" Toytec body lift / ddm hids / interior leds / reverse light led / vsc - atrac disable mod / limo-30% tint/ rear diff breather mod / rola vortex roof rack / hanma 30" LED lightbar / kenwood ddx373bt w backup camera / ppi p900.4 / sundown sax1200d sa8d4v1.5 / diamond audio d6 comps / SPPC black halos
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06-24-2013, 06:04 PM
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#287
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: PNW
Posts: 1,039
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Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: PNW
Posts: 1,039
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aaawww...Don't cry... You look fat when you cry...
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My Junk
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06-25-2013, 04:57 PM
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#288
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,042
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Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,042
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Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
Lady 1: "What's that?"
Lady 2: "A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet."
Lady 1: "Where did you get it?"
Lady 2: "You can get them at any chemist."
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local chemist and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of
age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.
Lady 1: "It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel."
The pharmacist fainted.
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'04 SR5 V6 4x4 Galactic Grey Mica. Delivered 03/17/2004. Link to my mod list in posts 7, 8 & 9 of this thread: http://www.toyota-4runner.org/showthread.php?t=21354
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[__/[_[_\____\,_
L---L-L-L--0=*=0
`(o)_---(o)_--)_)`.........
``````````````````````` The battle begins at the end of your driveway... Game On! "Car!"
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08-18-2013, 05:48 PM
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#289
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Chico, CA
Posts: 4,600
Real Name: Rob
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Chico, CA
Posts: 4,600
Real Name: Rob
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The Pope went on vacation for a few days to visit the rugged mountains of
Alaska .
He was cruising along the campground in the Pope-Mobile when he heard a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. He found a helpless Democrat wearing shorts, sandals, a 'Vote for Obama' hat and a 'Save the Trees' shirt. The man was screaming and struggling frantically, thrashing all about, and trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly bear.
As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers wearing 'Go Sarah' shirts came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum slug right into the bear's chest. The two other men pulled the semi-conscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using baseball bats, the three loggers finished off the bear. Two of the men dragged the dead grizzly onto the bed of their pick-up truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.
As they began to leave, the Pope summoned all of the men over to him. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he proudly proclaimed... "I have heard there was bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic
environmental activists but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."
As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies, "Who the hell was that guy?"
"Dude, that was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with
Heaven and has access to all wisdom."
"Well," the logger said, "He may have access to all wisdom, but he doesn't
know shit about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait still alive or do we
need to go back to California and get another one?"
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08-20-2013, 11:56 AM
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#290
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Member
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Vernon, BC, Canada
Posts: 879
Real Name: Doug
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Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Vernon, BC, Canada
Posts: 879
Real Name: Doug
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Comparison between Canadians and Americans!
I just came in from washing my beloved T4R, and checked my inbox, and a buddy living in NY sent this vid:
"STRONGER BEER" TIM HICKS (LYRIC VIDEO) - YouTube
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1998 SR5 3.4L V6 Auto... Pretty much bone stock...aside from the Tundra brakes, OME880 and OME906's in back all with Rancho 9000XL adjustable shocks ... "Livin' the dream in the Canadian Okanagan!"
Electronics/Telecommunications Engineering Technologist
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08-23-2013, 03:17 PM
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#291
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: BC, CANADA
Posts: 1,557
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Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: BC, CANADA
Posts: 1,557
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If an illegal immigrant gets into a fight with a pedophile could you call it Alien vs Predator?
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02-07-2014, 03:15 PM
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#292
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,042
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Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,042
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Seasonally appropriate:
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__________________
'04 SR5 V6 4x4 Galactic Grey Mica. Delivered 03/17/2004. Link to my mod list in posts 7, 8 & 9 of this thread: http://www.toyota-4runner.org/showthread.php?t=21354
____________
[__/[_[_\____\,_
L---L-L-L--0=*=0
`(o)_---(o)_--)_)`.........
``````````````````````` The battle begins at the end of your driveway... Game On! "Car!"
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02-07-2014, 05:51 PM
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#293
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Dystopia
Age: 42
Posts: 2,263
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Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Dystopia
Age: 42
Posts: 2,263
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What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?
You can't take a joke.
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Country > Party
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02-08-2014, 01:17 AM
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#294
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Banned
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Mission,TX
Posts: 1,466
Real Name: Joe Gomez Jr.
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Banned
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Mission,TX
Posts: 1,466
Real Name: Joe Gomez Jr.
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12-20-2015, 11:55 PM
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#295
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Member
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: St. Thomas, ON. Canada
Posts: 351
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Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: St. Thomas, ON. Canada
Posts: 351
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Seems appropriate - haven't bought a Ford, in 25 years / and never will again.
- and Yes, I'm a dog lover / Doberman to be exact
Last edited by Beaumont67; 12-21-2015 at 12:07 AM.
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12-21-2015, 12:07 AM
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#296
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Elite Member
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Shangrila
Posts: 5,037
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Elite Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Shangrila
Posts: 5,037
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Why is Santa so jolly?
Because he knows where all the naughty girls are at.
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04-16-2020, 01:30 AM
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#297
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Banned
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 2,247
Real Name: Mark
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Banned
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 2,247
Real Name: Mark
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I know this is an old thread. But during this covid lockdown I’m easily amused and needed a place to share this joke from a FB poster.
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An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'
His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.'
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.'
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on for the old man.
He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.
Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.
The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'
The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides
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05-04-2021, 02:55 PM
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#298
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Member
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: Osprey, FL
Posts: 150
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Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Osprey, FL
Posts: 150
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Heres a good joke….
I was just quoted $400 to powder coat my 2 factory roof rails.
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2017 SR5 4WD Premium
2003 SR5 4WD V8 (2010-2017)
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05-05-2021, 01:50 AM
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#299
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Northern California
Age: 37
Posts: 1,471
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Northern California
Age: 37
Posts: 1,471
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What’s the difference between an infant corn farmer and a prostitute with explosive diarrhea?
One shucks between fits... and the other...
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The 4Reak Show: 1995 4Runner, 3.4 swapped, manual conversion, supercharged & 7th injected, Eaton TrueTrac in rear, poly bushings F&R, lots of other outrageous add ons...
Wife's: 2016 Trail Premium, bone stock until she joins T4R.org one day...
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05-21-2021, 12:41 AM
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#300
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Junior Member
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Join Date: Apr 2021
Location: San Clemente, Ca.
Posts: 8
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Junior Member
Join Date: Apr 2021
Location: San Clemente, Ca.
Posts: 8
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Why do husbands usually die before their wives?
They want to.
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