Guys,

I'm in dire need of some friendly advise from my fellow t4r members. I know you're all probably going to say, "Go read up on the newborn forums/websites!" Trust me, I have, but I want to know what kinda input you guys have as well. So here go's:

I've been blessed with my 1 mo. old boy (a month ago :P), and lately it's been such a pita trying to get him to sleep at night. The problem is laying him down to sleep, because every time we lay him down, he'll start crying. I've tried swaddling, patting, singing, and even laying him on our bed. Nothing seems to be working. It seems like he only wants to be in our arms at all times. What should I do? If this keeps up, we're going to both go insane. Help a brother out fellas!

Nick

I can't wait

This is exactly what my wife and I get to look forward to in about 3 months......

I am excited for the baby, but I am not looking forward to that part of it........

Sorry, I don't have any experience yet and I don't have any advise.

But when you find a remedy, please share it with me.

Ryan

There are a few options:

1. Did you try the car seat?
2. When you lay the baby down, put a rolled up small blanket behind the back so that the baby is slightly on the side. The weight of a blankets helps them too.

Many people will argue that the baby is being spoiled by being carried all the time. Keep in mind that the baby was in a small space (cuddled in the womb) therefore you have to try to recreate that affect. Try wrapping the baby under the armpits rather than confining the arms.

Hope this helps.

Congratulations on your new baby! I have a seven year old son and a soon-to-be four year old daughter. When my wife and I had our first child, a friend of mine loaned a book to me entitled "On Becoming Baby-Wise", and he strongly suggested that I read it because it had worked wonders with his son.

I took his advice, read the book, and tried my best to apply most of the principles it teaches. Well, our son was "sleeping through the night" by eight weeks. At this age, sleeping through the night is something like from 10:00 P.M. to 5:00 or 6:00 A.M. As he got older, he would sleep from like 9:00 P.M. straight through to like 9:00 A.M. To this day, that boy sleeps like a rock with no problems whatsoever.

My daughter is a pretty good sleeper but not as good as my son, although she too "slept through the night" at an early age. I think we weren't as "strict" about sleeping habits with our second child, and it shows in the results. However, no two kids are the same, and so that may explain it too.

This book is somewhat controversial in some circles because it does not espouse the "attachment" method of parenting that has been in vogue lately. Also, the primary author is some sort of religious guy who really emphasizes the benefits of a stable marriage in parenting, and so I think this really ticks off the feminist types.

I am by no means a religious fanatic, but the book's methods absolutely worked for me and other friends that have tried it. Basically, what it boils down to is to develop a fairly consistent pattern of feeding, play time, nap time and bed time. Within a few weeks, your baby will adapt to this schedule, and when it is bed time, your son will just naturally go to sleep.

A similar sleep method has been developed by a pediatrician named Dr. Ferber (or Farber, I'm not sure). It is basically the same thing without the religious overtones.

Trust me, it is better to deal with this now for a few weeks and have a child who sleeps great for the rest of your life than to continue to put up with the frustration of a bed-time routine that you dread for the next few years.

Good luck.

I feel for you brother! One of my three was like that and it was very stressful to my wife and I. I would sing and rock that baby for hours and when she finally fell asleep and I went to put her down she would start craying again....AAAAHHHHHH! To make matters worse she wouldn't let us sit down either, she would sense when we sat down even when she had fell asleep and would wake up...we couldn't even fall asleep in a chair while holding her. No advise here as I never really figured it out for myself. Just some empathy and a wish for you to have a lot of patience.

Every baby is different. I'll say that your problem is not unusual at all, but fairly common and it is "just a phase" that some babies go through. Especially in the first few weeks.

That being said, there could be something mildly discomforting to the baby that you may have some control over, like gas, bowel movements, hunger etc..

Try adjusting feeding before putting the baby to sleep (maybe earlier). One thing you want to try to shoot for is clean, comfortable diapers for bedtime -- any big discomfort in this area will wake up a newborn. Make sure that baby is burped and gas free for bed. The baby may not be getting enough food if breast feeding to be 'full' enough to go down -- this is a common problem. If you're breast feeding, get a breast pump and make sure there is enough available to satisfy baby thoroughly for bed time.

Other tricks are to have Mom go off and make a tape or CD, or mp3 of singing or comforting talk and have that ready for bedtime so that baby 'thinks' mom is still there.

Swaddling is also a excellent trick, but the swaddle must be done right. If you get the swaddle wrong, you just have an uncomfortable baby.

Make sure room/baby are 'not too cold', 'not too hot'. Overbundling can also lead to big discomfort.

Sometimes baby can be soothed just by gently 'petting' the top of their head or arm. General advice is that once the baby is 'completely prepared' and ready for bed, try not to pick them up again (unless there's something really wrong), because they actually 'learn' quickly that that is the way to be in Mom or Dads arms 24/7. Try to sooth them while they are laying down and resist the urge to pick them up if there's nothing wrong. Help them learn that the crib/sleeping place is comfortable and soothing.

Help them to learn that "you'll be there when they need them," but that doesn't mean infinite cuddling.

Also, don't be afraid to take a time out and let the baby cry in the safety of the crib. There's nothing better for your spirit than to put the baby down, ensure their safety comfort then take 5 minutes out of earshot and let your partner take over for a while.

Watch your partner and realize when they've reached their limit and 'hand-off,' it will save both your sanity.

Oh and one last thing SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS If the child wants to sleep at some obscure time, go with it and get your sleep, then slowly move it toward your time.

Guys,

Thank you for the excellent feedback! I'll keep everyone's suggestions in mind and try to be a good father. My wife on the other hand has less hairs on her head then I do. I'll have to teach her some of these methods and just hope our baby will develope a good sleep pattern.

When I got home this morning from work, he woke up after hearing me walk through the creeky bedroom door, and started crying his lungs out. This kid's either got super hearing abilities, or I'm just not as light as the (220lb) feather I think I am . Anyway, I did all the basics: changed his diaper (he pee'd), fed him (is it normal to feed him every time he wakes up?), swaddled him (he did not like it at all), unswaddled him, burped, and after all this, he was still crying! I think I'm down to my last strand of hair here. So I finally just laid down on my bed with him on top of me on my chest. He finally stopped crying. I was so tired from work that I just kinda dozed off and when I awoke he was KO.

I definitely DO NOT want to be doing this every time he cries, since it seems kinda dangerous. I'll keep everyone's advice in mind and see how it goes the next few days/weeks. Wish me luck .

I just realized one thing...how about a PACIFIER!!! My 2yr old didn't like it when he was a baby, but one my twins uses it now. Hey, got nothing to lose right?

I noticed this quote in your message above: "I'll have to teach her some of these methods and just hope our baby will develope a good sleep pattern." At the risk of me sounding like a jerk, I believe this is where many people make their mistake. It is up to the parents to positively help the baby develop the proper sleep habits. You can not expect an infant to figure this all out on their own without the proper parental guidance.

Over the last decade or so, many of my friends, relatives and co-workers were at the age where they were starting families. I haven't done a scientific study on this, but my personal observations strongly suggest that parents who took a pro-active approach in establishing a daily routine (feeding, playing, napping and sleeping) had babies that slept better than parents who just "winged it" and let the schedule fall where it may. I know some parents who had "babies" that were a few years old and never developed proper sleeping habits.

Here is some brief info on the Ferber method. As I said, the Baby-Wise method is very similar, but Dr. Ferber has much more impressive credentials (director of the Center for Pediatric Sleep Disorders at Children's Hospital in Boston) than the Baby-Wise author.

It may not be for you, but I would at least recommend considering it. In my experience, it works as advertised, although I must admit that it is a gut-wrenching experience to listen to your crying baby without immediately wanting to comfort her/him.

A week or two of "pain" is better than a few years of frustration.

Ferber Method Info

After reading my own post, I realize that I am probably coming off as a know-it-all jerk. However, I am willing to be labeled as an a$$hole if it helps a brother get some sleep. This stuff really works in many or most cases.

Congrats on the new baby. I have a 8 and 6 yrs old boys. I remember those times.

My tip for you is to roll 2 towels and place one on each side of the baby. Let the baby cry, he will eventually get tire and sleep.

You have to be strong and stick with the rule. It is painful the first couple times but it will be easier in the future.

I know it is easier say then done.

I was refering to my wife in that quote. The Ferber method seems too contravercial and I dont think I can bare my son crying so hard to the point of vomiting. I'll have to pass on this method.

Well, I tried. Just for the record, my children didn't cry that much and never vomitted from crying, and the crying lasts only a few nights and gets less and less each night. However, they did sleep extremely well.

We have a 3 1/2 year old boy and I share your pain and joy. During his younger years, he will not sleep unless he's being carried. We've done all of the advice of our relatives and friends (even the doctor) but to no success. "Let him cry" they said so as not to spoil him. But if we let him cry longer than 5 minutes he will start vomiting. So we're back to where we started. My wife finally figured it out and it seemed to work 75% of the time. When the baby falls asleep in her arms, she'll lie down with him still cuddled on their sides and ever so slowly she'll slip away from him. If he wakes up, she'll go back to cuddling him giving him the impression that he's still being carried.

This whole thing is just a practice for you. Wait till you have your grandkids and you're asked to babysit.

I agree. My rule of thumb was to give them 15-30 minutes depending on how horrible they sounded, before we went in. When we did go in it was not to pick them up, but to rub their back, talk softly and make sure they hadn't messed their diapers.

As long as they have been fed, changed, burped and are warm there's no need to pick them up every time they cry at bed time. It takes a couple of months, and I admit there were a few of times I had to go stand outside to get away from the noise, but both of my kids were more or less sleeping through the night (meaning roughly 11pm - 5am) by the time they were 3 months old.

We also always enforced a hard bedtime when they got older (mostly so mom and dad could have some down time without the kids) and as a result, rarely had a problem getting them to go to bed when it was time.

Congrats on the birth of your child. If there's one piece of advice I can give you it's that the habits they form when they are very young will stay with them a lifetime. Make sure you teach them good ones. It's tough to do, but pays great dividends.

First don't get freaked by the crying. It's ok for the baby to cry as long as the basic needs are met.
I didn't have the vomit problems, just keep an ear on the monitor.

Quick ones

1 Aride in the car
2 a vacuum turned on or tape of a vacuum cleaner
3 your arms are a cradle swing gently and pace back and forth,
speak softly