Being a Dad
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JB.
New member
Here's the first thing that pops into my head -- start practicing patience. Seriously.
There are going to be a bunch of times when the kid wants to help you and it's awesome if you can slow down and let them try. Takes serious patience, though. It's a challenge but you'll do better if you're prepared for it.
If it's something where they are really going to be in the way, either do it when they're not there or give them something to be busy with that is out of harms way.
Another thing. There's a slogan out there that says something like "you don't have to be good, just be there". Within obvious limits, there's a lot of truth to it, imo. Also, it helps you not stress over not being perfect.
There are going to be a bunch of times when the kid wants to help you and it's awesome if you can slow down and let them try. Takes serious patience, though. It's a challenge but you'll do better if you're prepared for it.
If it's something where they are really going to be in the way, either do it when they're not there or give them something to be busy with that is out of harms way.
Another thing. There's a slogan out there that says something like "you don't have to be good, just be there". Within obvious limits, there's a lot of truth to it, imo. Also, it helps you not stress over not being perfect.
BrianSD_42
New member
Millerad1651
New member
I'm in the same boat...have one coming in August. I've had a little practice with friends kids and nephews, but you're never really 100% prepared. Way I look at it, take your time, have that patience, and enjoy everything, cause time will fly! Good luck!
txbonds
Senior Member
My one tip, and I always try to remind myself of this........
Your project or plan can wait. Stop what you are doing and take time to throw the football, watch a movie, go to a function or event, etc. your project will wait but your opportunity to do something amazing with your child will not.
Sounds simple but very easy to get caught up in our day to day life and forget to take time making memories.
Congrats. Good luck. Have fun.
Your project or plan can wait. Stop what you are doing and take time to throw the football, watch a movie, go to a function or event, etc. your project will wait but your opportunity to do something amazing with your child will not.
Sounds simple but very easy to get caught up in our day to day life and forget to take time making memories.
Congrats. Good luck. Have fun.
14 and 7 year old here. Biggest thing I learned from them:
1) you can't really break them so don't sweat not doing everything the perfect way....really hard with the first one
2) make time for them and enjoy the time..... whether they're whiny, bratty, fussy, etc. Gotta learn to let little stuff go.
3) they're not going to be what you expect, love them for being them and just focus on passing on a few values you believe in.
4) worrying about it now before it ever gets here means you give a dam.... you'll be fine.
1) you can't really break them so don't sweat not doing everything the perfect way....really hard with the first one
2) make time for them and enjoy the time..... whether they're whiny, bratty, fussy, etc. Gotta learn to let little stuff go.
3) they're not going to be what you expect, love them for being them and just focus on passing on a few values you believe in.
4) worrying about it now before it ever gets here means you give a dam.... you'll be fine.
hikenbike
New member
Do everything your wife does and get comfortable with it all. The feedings, the diaper changes, the caring at night when they are crying, walks in the stroller, cleaning up the messes, etc. Do it all. Gladly. Be involved. Your wife will certainly appreciate it immensely and you'll become a trusted father. It improves the ENTIRE relationship for all involved.
SCRunner12
New member
Like others have said, just relax and learn as you go. My daughter is 3 now and I was 24 when she was born, much like you. Kids will cry, get hurt, get sick and annoy the shit out of you, but it's important to just take a deep breath and figure out the best way to handle it. Don't freak out about every little thing and try to have as much fun with it as you can. Patience is a great attribute to have and will benefit you and your kid. Also like others have said, have fun with them and be sure to focus on them as much as you can. Definitely take some time for yourself, but make sure they are getting your full and unwavering attention often because it will help create a bond and positive development growth for them. Read some books if you are super nervous (I didn't, but I had a lot of child experience beforehand).
I love being a dad and everyday is a new adventure. You'll get the hang of it once he/she is here and it becomes easier, so don't stress already. There is plenty of time for that later...haha
I love being a dad and everyday is a new adventure. You'll get the hang of it once he/she is here and it becomes easier, so don't stress already. There is plenty of time for that later...haha
running white
New member
I'm 49 with a 22 year old who thinks he knows everthing and a 18 year old daughter who is getting to be the same way. I don't even know where to start with this one.
My best advice is this: spend quality time with your kids. Not playing video games with them or watching a movie. I'm talking about going on hikes in the woods, primitive camping. Leave all the technology and worldly things behind. start a conversation and when they start talking, LET THEM DO THE TALKING. the more comfortable they get talking to you the better. Be involved with your kids even if they don't want you there. participate in school and church functions and set the leadership example. Teach them the value of hardwork and don't hand them everything they want. Teach them the value of the dollar and how to spend wisely.
I was not the perfect father, I made mistakes that I wished I could change. I cant' do that, but I'm still their father until I die and I still have the chance to help, encourage and love them and set an EXAMPLE for them. Hope this helps.
My best advice is this: spend quality time with your kids. Not playing video games with them or watching a movie. I'm talking about going on hikes in the woods, primitive camping. Leave all the technology and worldly things behind. start a conversation and when they start talking, LET THEM DO THE TALKING. the more comfortable they get talking to you the better. Be involved with your kids even if they don't want you there. participate in school and church functions and set the leadership example. Teach them the value of hardwork and don't hand them everything they want. Teach them the value of the dollar and how to spend wisely.
I was not the perfect father, I made mistakes that I wished I could change. I cant' do that, but I'm still their father until I die and I still have the chance to help, encourage and love them and set an EXAMPLE for them. Hope this helps.
My kids are 28 & 32 so I'm on to grandkids but have a lot of experience since I was pretty much the primary caregiver (Mr. Mom) while my wife toiled away for the paycheck.
My first suggestion is to relax, know there's no "right" way to do things and trust yourself. Don't let your wife say "that's the wrong way, do it this way" because what works for you may be very different for her. Make sure she understands that so she doesn't make you feel incompetent and deprive you of one of the greatest things you've created together.
Second, understand your kid won't thank you for getting up at 2am and 4am and 6am for feeding, diaper change, etc. It can feel very thankless but spending time bonding is critical in the early months especially. That bond will last forever, make it now.
Humans have been raising kids forever, early man did it so you can too. As has been said they don't break easily and are very forgiving. It's not that hard work but is the hardest job in the world.
I knew I was successful when my kids were young adults and thanked my wife and I for raising them as we did.
If you have to read a book just get one that covers the first year. After that get one that explains logical consequences and use it as a lifetime plan for your kids.
Main thing, love the kid, be involved and don't let your wife do everything. You'd miss a once in a lifetime opportunity with your new baby. It's a bit of a cliche but they do grow up fast.
Last, congratulations. Your life is about to change in more ways than you can imagine.
My first suggestion is to relax, know there's no "right" way to do things and trust yourself. Don't let your wife say "that's the wrong way, do it this way" because what works for you may be very different for her. Make sure she understands that so she doesn't make you feel incompetent and deprive you of one of the greatest things you've created together.
Second, understand your kid won't thank you for getting up at 2am and 4am and 6am for feeding, diaper change, etc. It can feel very thankless but spending time bonding is critical in the early months especially. That bond will last forever, make it now.
Humans have been raising kids forever, early man did it so you can too. As has been said they don't break easily and are very forgiving. It's not that hard work but is the hardest job in the world.
I knew I was successful when my kids were young adults and thanked my wife and I for raising them as we did.
If you have to read a book just get one that covers the first year. After that get one that explains logical consequences and use it as a lifetime plan for your kids.
Main thing, love the kid, be involved and don't let your wife do everything. You'd miss a once in a lifetime opportunity with your new baby. It's a bit of a cliche but they do grow up fast.
Last, congratulations. Your life is about to change in more ways than you can imagine.
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westwind77
New member
I was never exposed to kids growing up, 1st baby I held was my own! They WILL try your paitence, just relax and 'let it slide'. Don't blow up, you WILL regret it. Each day is a new day, enjoy the time and have FUN. Read parenting books, be strict when you need to but don't be mean, they are too little to really get it all. Nip things in the bud before they become a problem later down the line. If you think I know all this you are a fool, this I leaned from my Wife who has dealt with kids her whole life!
oljedi11950
New member
All the above , you will be tested ! They can't tell you what's wrong at the early age so lot's of crying , don't panic stay calm for the wife because she will freak . It will seem overwhelming but it's not . You'll be pucked on , peed on , & of course gag on poop ! It's all good nothing more beautiful . I was 45 when my son was born & wife passed away 2 yrs later so if I can do it you can , 17 & full of it now , congrats & just pray for a healthy baby ! Good luck
Dirtyfingers
Senior Member
Please for the love of god play catch with your kid, if there's one thing I wish my father had done, other than actually being there, was play catch with me. From someone who didn't have a father it's just as good advice, I never had a father to teach me about shit like...well never mind. Just being there and showing love is good.
snivilous
Senior Member
Well as someone who more or less still is a kid (19 
), I can say some things that I really appreciate my parents for doing.
The first and biggest thing is that my dad (and mom to some extent) always brought me along, by that I mean they didn't change their hobbies or what they liked to do because I was born, instead they shared it with me. A guy I know at work has a kid who is a few years old, and he doesn't bring him anywhere! The guy really loves dirt bikes and stuff, but he won't buy his kid a dirt bike! For me, literally before I could walk or talk or do anything my dad had bought me one of those electric Jeeps from Walmart. Then as I grew up he upped the power on it, then I got an go cart, then an ATV, etc. I remember my dad would bring me to NAPA with him and always buy me a Hot Wheels (which I still have). He would bring me into the shop with him, he would tell me about engines and what he was working on and all the engineering terms, I didn't understand any of it but it was being ingrained into my head and eventually I understood it (hell, I'm learning stuff in my engineering classes now that my dad explained to me last year, or 3 years ago, that at the time I just nodded and kind of knew what he was generally talking about and then we get to it in class and I'm like "oh! that's what he was talking about!" and then I'm 5 steps ahead of everyone else). There's a picture of me on the wall when I was like 4 with a drill motor drilling trying to drill a hole in the concrete driveway. The point to all this is just because they are a little kid doesn't mean you can't share your passions with them.
Next, don't be overly protective. Obviously there should be times to be worried and stuff, but don't overdo it. I'm from one of the last generations where computers weren't super popular until I was in my teens, but let your kid get dirty and stuff. Let them fall down the stairs (but don't let them get too hurt), otherwise they're not going to learn. You can't learn to ride a bike without falling over a few times right? I would also encourage them to stick up for themselves. Too many people nowadays are *****es about standing up for themselves, or being politically correct, or whatever. Teach your kid to have his own opinion. What my dad did when I was in school was teach me how to fight and throw punches and stuff, and told me to not start a fight but if I got into one or was bullied than I should damn well be the one ending it. Even when I got sent to the principal a few times, my dad always stood his ground saying that his kid was not going to get bullied and except "sorry" later on. As a result, a few times kids tried to do something (elementary, high school, even last year in college two times people tried to get into it with me) and it never worked on me and as a result those kids would then respect me and I wouldn't have issues with them anymore. Some of those may seem a little overkill depending on your perspective, but what I'm saying is be there for your kid but give them freedoms.
And lastly since it's getting late, and perhaps the most important lesson I can think of is don't force your opinion or beliefs on them. Even though I am very mechanically inclined--I am on my way to be a 5th generation on my dads side, and at least a 3rd generation engineer on my moms side--and I have never doubted I would get an engineering degree, my parents have always repeated that if I don't think engineering is the right choice then I am free to go whatever path I want and they are there behind me. If I switched to an art degree, or dropped out of school, or take a year off, whatever, my parents would be there every step of the way and if I ever needed them they would move the world to help me regardless of what decisions I had made. I think that means a lot, since I have met a lot of people in college who are getting a degree because there parents want them to, or are majoring in something a counselor or parent told them they should (for example, just because you are good at math/science doesn't mean you will like engineering). Sometimes you might need to nudge them or suggest something since you have a lot more experience and can share your knowledge, but leave the choice with them in the end. My sister (senior in high school) wants to go to Cal Poly San Luis Obispo. We can't figure out why she wants to go there, her reasoning is she likes the ocean which she has only been to once... and she's getting a liberal arts degree, so it's kind of a weird choice and it's pretty expensive. My parents have asked her about it and recommended other colleges, even visited a few with her, but if she wants to go to Cal Poly my parents aren't going to stop her and will help her all the way there and back. That kind of support is immeasurable in my opinion.
I could write so much about this and I'm not even 20 or plan to have kids for awhile haha. Good luck man, you'll do fine! As long as you teach them good things they'll only be an improvement on yourself!
), I can say some things that I really appreciate my parents for doing.The first and biggest thing is that my dad (and mom to some extent) always brought me along, by that I mean they didn't change their hobbies or what they liked to do because I was born, instead they shared it with me. A guy I know at work has a kid who is a few years old, and he doesn't bring him anywhere! The guy really loves dirt bikes and stuff, but he won't buy his kid a dirt bike! For me, literally before I could walk or talk or do anything my dad had bought me one of those electric Jeeps from Walmart. Then as I grew up he upped the power on it, then I got an go cart, then an ATV, etc. I remember my dad would bring me to NAPA with him and always buy me a Hot Wheels (which I still have). He would bring me into the shop with him, he would tell me about engines and what he was working on and all the engineering terms, I didn't understand any of it but it was being ingrained into my head and eventually I understood it (hell, I'm learning stuff in my engineering classes now that my dad explained to me last year, or 3 years ago, that at the time I just nodded and kind of knew what he was generally talking about and then we get to it in class and I'm like "oh! that's what he was talking about!" and then I'm 5 steps ahead of everyone else). There's a picture of me on the wall when I was like 4 with a drill motor drilling trying to drill a hole in the concrete driveway. The point to all this is just because they are a little kid doesn't mean you can't share your passions with them.
Next, don't be overly protective. Obviously there should be times to be worried and stuff, but don't overdo it. I'm from one of the last generations where computers weren't super popular until I was in my teens, but let your kid get dirty and stuff. Let them fall down the stairs (but don't let them get too hurt), otherwise they're not going to learn. You can't learn to ride a bike without falling over a few times right? I would also encourage them to stick up for themselves. Too many people nowadays are *****es about standing up for themselves, or being politically correct, or whatever. Teach your kid to have his own opinion. What my dad did when I was in school was teach me how to fight and throw punches and stuff, and told me to not start a fight but if I got into one or was bullied than I should damn well be the one ending it. Even when I got sent to the principal a few times, my dad always stood his ground saying that his kid was not going to get bullied and except "sorry" later on. As a result, a few times kids tried to do something (elementary, high school, even last year in college two times people tried to get into it with me) and it never worked on me and as a result those kids would then respect me and I wouldn't have issues with them anymore. Some of those may seem a little overkill depending on your perspective, but what I'm saying is be there for your kid but give them freedoms.
And lastly since it's getting late, and perhaps the most important lesson I can think of is don't force your opinion or beliefs on them. Even though I am very mechanically inclined--I am on my way to be a 5th generation on my dads side, and at least a 3rd generation engineer on my moms side--and I have never doubted I would get an engineering degree, my parents have always repeated that if I don't think engineering is the right choice then I am free to go whatever path I want and they are there behind me. If I switched to an art degree, or dropped out of school, or take a year off, whatever, my parents would be there every step of the way and if I ever needed them they would move the world to help me regardless of what decisions I had made. I think that means a lot, since I have met a lot of people in college who are getting a degree because there parents want them to, or are majoring in something a counselor or parent told them they should (for example, just because you are good at math/science doesn't mean you will like engineering). Sometimes you might need to nudge them or suggest something since you have a lot more experience and can share your knowledge, but leave the choice with them in the end. My sister (senior in high school) wants to go to Cal Poly San Luis Obispo. We can't figure out why she wants to go there, her reasoning is she likes the ocean which she has only been to once... and she's getting a liberal arts degree, so it's kind of a weird choice and it's pretty expensive. My parents have asked her about it and recommended other colleges, even visited a few with her, but if she wants to go to Cal Poly my parents aren't going to stop her and will help her all the way there and back. That kind of support is immeasurable in my opinion.
I could write so much about this and I'm not even 20 or plan to have kids for awhile haha. Good luck man, you'll do fine! As long as you teach them good things they'll only be an improvement on yourself!
21 month old here...
Sleep now...because you won't after the baby arrives...for a long while.
As others have said...patience...lots of it. You may feel tired, frustrated, overwhelmed and yes, sometimes even angry...but the first time he/she smiles at you (or calls you 'daddy')...that will all go away.
No such thing as a perfect dad...just be a dad...just be there...let them know that you'll be there for them no matter what.
Sorry, no owner's manual...I already asked...everyone's experience is different.
As far as my kid, no need to spend on expensive toys...just bubbles, balloons and empty boxes...and most importantly...your time and attention.
Oh, also...remember...if the wife ain't happy, the husband won't be happy...
And...congrats!
Sleep now...because you won't after the baby arrives...for a long while.
As others have said...patience...lots of it. You may feel tired, frustrated, overwhelmed and yes, sometimes even angry...but the first time he/she smiles at you (or calls you 'daddy')...that will all go away.
No such thing as a perfect dad...just be a dad...just be there...let them know that you'll be there for them no matter what.
Sorry, no owner's manual...I already asked...everyone's experience is different.
As far as my kid, no need to spend on expensive toys...just bubbles, balloons and empty boxes...and most importantly...your time and attention.
Oh, also...remember...if the wife ain't happy, the husband won't be happy...
And...congrats!
Antman
Elite Member
I have two beautiful girls, 4 and 6.
Trust me bud, when that little baby looks you in the eyes, you will experience true love for the very first time in your life. You will finally see what life is all about.
You will do anything to protect your children without hesitation or question, it's built into your DNA already.
Don't sweat the little details- everything will come naturally!
