Being a Dad

And above all, Never, ever think having a baby or two is a nine to fiver. Once you become a parent, you will be a parent for the rest of your life!!!
Even if and when your kid (s) grow, you are still a parent no matter what, so the listening/patience part becomes second nature after a while.

Enjoy!! Rinse!!! Repeat!!!
 
Logan714 said:
I still have a ways to go until the baby is here.
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Ah, so you could use something a little more immediate. This is not secret information and if it contradicts anything official, ignore it, but it's the kind of thing that I would put on any short list of things to remember:

--There's not much that can't be fixed by paying attention to the big three: Diapers, food, and rest. They can be playing and happy and then just suddenly start crying. If the diaper is clean and they're well fed, it's nap time.


As has been said, nature will take care of any ambivalence you think you may have in being ready to do this.

And congratulations!
 
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Our daughter just turned three.

Best books I've read on parenting:
+Happiest baby on the block
+1-2-3 magic
And if you're having a girl you MUST read: +Strong Fathers Strong Daughters

Also, this isn't directly parenting related, but since the quality of your household and your relationship with your wife are so important to your baby's environment, I also recommend attending Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. It's had a huge effect in our life and I really think the peace is carrying over into our daughter's personality.

Beyond that, be the person you want your children to become. They will learn from watching you.
 
Nothing to do with being a dad and you still have some time but please put your kid in the right car seat and properly install the car seat and your kid is put in it correctly. I have seen too many car seats that are loose and not installed correctly or being used incorrectly. And too many people posting pictures of their kids on Facebook and the shoulder straps are hanging at the side. It's your kids safety, they don't have the choice, it's your responsibility. Just do a little bit of research on car seats and installation when the time comes, a lot of people don't.
 
If u got boys(I've got 2, 21&19) then just threaten them with a stick. If u have a daughter then all u gotta do is keep her off the pole. :jk:
 
Zacattack makes a really good point about the car seat. If you call the police dept in your area, they have an officer who can inspect your installation and give you tips on making sure baby is secure.
 
I'm not a father, but I do feel like I can give some advice. I have two nephews, currently 7 and 10. When they were 2 and 5 their father left them and shortly after that my father died quite suddenly. Both my mom and dad were great about helping my sister with the kids. I was living in NYC at the time. So, I decided to move back and help them out as much as I could. Sort of a baptism by fire as the life I was living in NYC at the time couldn't be any more opposite with the life I was jumping into. It's actually the reason why I'm in a 4Runner today. I had a Tacoma that I left here and found with transporting two young kids around, I wanted 4 doors to make life easier.

Back to the topic on hand. My best advice is to remember to have fun with them. They're just kids after all. I find myself too ofter trying to be the strong father figure and am probably a little too hard on them. I have to constantly remind myself of that. Also, material things are nice, but there's no substitute for time. My own father was around physically, but not much mentally for us. He worked probably 60-80hrs a week because I think in his mind, if he was providing the best for us, then he was doing his job. I know I would gladly have taken less things in my childhood and just more time doing things.

Hope that helps.
 
Thank you everyone for the fantastic advice. It's going to be a new adventure for sure.

Unfortunately, when the baby is due (sometime around August) is when I'm leaving on an extended deployment. Any of you guys prior military or worked jobs that required long periods away from home? We are already planning on moving my wife back to Arizona to be closer to family. Any other suggestions since I'll be gone for so long?
 
Dad to 2 boys, now 15 & 12. First and foremost raise them to be men. Amazes me that their friends are clueless on doing tasks I associate with being men. Raise them to know how to defend themselves and fight when they need to and protect those who are being attacked. Raise them to not give damn what others think of them as long as they feel good about themselves. Teach them that life is not fair and they are not special little stars like most want to think they are. But guide them on path a path that allows them to reach their full potential when they mature. Keep them kids as long as possible and don't be that parent that you hate.
 
Patience for sure. I have a 12 year old and a 1 year old. Prepare for a LOT of crying the first year or so and NO sleep. Remember that your wife is just as tired and you will both cranky, don't take it out on each other.

Best thing you can do is build a routine and stick to it. Kids need structure and will behave better when there is a familiar routine.
 
I'm 3 weeks in as a father(just turned 31 y/o 8 days before he came) ...already had my first projectile poop clean up; Glad I went with stained concrete floors. If its a boy cover that missile launcher. Changing diapers isn't nearly as bad as I thought, especially after the first.

Lots of great advice posted above, I just learned a few things myself. I stayed up late a lot teaching myself photography the year or so prior. Its not so much a lack of sleep, as its a lack of continuous sleep that sucks. All in all there is someone out there who has it worse than you. Best of luck and at least you don't have a minivan :D
 
OH YES...watch those 'misfires'...you might get hit in the face or eye...especially around bath time.

But you have to watch the other end as well...he/she will be on a pure milk diet for a while, so what comes out in the other end will have the consistency of diff oil or axle grease but smell much worse.

My son 'misfired' out the back end one day...stain still in the carpet...
 
To the OP...you mentioned being away...one thing I've seen other dads do is make personal videos to their daughter/son. Let them always see your face and hear your voice and you can make videos explaining why you may be away at times...something they can watch later...
 
Attend some ECDC's (early childhood development class). Lots of practical advice available. Simple answers to basic parenting dilemmas.
It takes 5-7 seconds for something you say to seep into their minds. They aren't being willfully disobedient if they do not respond immediately to a request.
Tots don't have the ability to engage in normal back and forth conversations so they keep a discussion going by asking 'why?'. They are not being inane. They are interested in what you are saying not necessarily because of the content, but because you are saying it. They like talking with you, hearing your voice, being with you, engaging with you so they ask 'why?' because it's their way of saying, "My goodness, that's fascinating. Tell me more, oh great and wondrous being I call Dad."
Answer questions as asked. Do not speak down to them. They're ignorant, but they're not idiots.
If they ask the exact same question after you've answered it, turn the table and ask them the question. They will repeat the answer you've just given and move on to the next one.
When they fall down do not immediately jump up and rush over and say "oh honey, did you hurt yourself?"
Read to them every night. every night. every night. There is literally no reason you or your wife cannot spend 10 minutes reading before bedtime.
Never use nana lamb, or blankie, or cuddles, or whatever their comfort toy is as a source of leverage - "if you don't get into bed right now I'm taking nana lamb away." Thats mean. Don't be mean.
Deep breaths when you're getting worn out, frustrated, short tempered. It works. It's an emotional pause button and gets fresh oxygen circulating, which has a calming effect.
Don't get stuck on 'because I said so." If you make an unreasonable request or demand, or say 'no' but then think 'actually, there's no good reason they shouldn't be climbing that snow bank, whatever,' be comfortable changing your mind. There is a difference between firm and obstinate. Stand by reasonable decisions, allow reason to reveal faulty ones.
Front load by being available and talking with them. When they talk, let them. You're setting a pattern which will serve you all as puberty hits. They will need someone to turn to and if it isn't you it will be someone else. My father was a patient and empathic listener. Being heard is huge to all of us, especially a son or daughter.
Don't spank them. It really serves no constructive purpose.
 
I would suggest prayer and accountability as well. Get involved at church and seek out parents with kids that our 5 and ten years older and learn from them and be accountable to them. This has helped me the most. As a parent you will fail often. It is great to know others are going through the same triumphs and failures with you. If you use the Bible as your guidebook it will never steer you wrong. Proverbs is the greatest book on parenting you could ever read. My 2 cents.
 
Finally! Something on this forum I can contribute to!

You asked about military. Well, both my wife and I are active duty military. This is our first child, (now 13months old, girl). I am 36 and she is 29. My wife was amazing thru the pregnancy. Being sick as a dog in the morning and still having to get up at 0500 for morning PT sucks. As you know, they don't show much mercy on you just because you are pregnant. I'm not sure how long you have been in, but I was told multiple times "If we wanted you to have a family, we would have issued you one!". It makes an extremely hard first year even harder. We made it thru the pregnancy fine, even with the military's so called doctors almost killing my daughter before she was born. Then, 3 weeks after she was born, I had to leave for 9 months. Its something no one can understand unless they have been in. Walking out the door seeing your newborn daughter (who just got released from NICU) and your wife, is one of the hardest things I have ever done. It amazes me to this day that my wife made it thru it. She battled depression and extreme lack of sleep for 9 months. And, with her being active duty also, it was a hell of a lot harder than your normal first year! (Try running 6 miles in the morning when you only have 2 hours of sleep in the last 2 days!) Not only did she do a fine job, but she breastfed the entire time. Our daughter is now extremely healthy and amazingly smart. She is beautiful and the best thing that ever happened to me. The hard part for me was trying to reintroduce myself to their lives after being gone that long. The wife had her way of doing things, and I just didn't do anything right. It seemed everything I did, EVERYTHING, was wrong. We still have disagreements over these things, and sometimes it seems like we still aren't fully integrated, but we are working on it daily. Some very good advice has been given here:

Do everything your wife does, EVERYTHING! Even if she tells you not to.
No matter how tired you are, smile, and do it anyway. She is almost certainly more tired than you are.

Patience - I cannot stress this enough. I am not a patient person at all, but I am being forced to become one!

Free Time - HA HA!! What the hell is that?!! You can forget having any free time to do anything you want to do. And if you try, it will be constantly interrupted. This was a huge stressor to me at first. Drove me crazy. But now, I just tell myself, "nothing is more important than spending time with my daughter"

The wife and I try to Live simply....well below our means (thanks Dave Ramsey!). This dramatically reduces our daily stress and allows us to provide a great future for our daughter.

You know, we all have tons of things we need to do every day, and it seems to get more and more backed up daily. We all tend to lose track of the important things in life. Just remember this, from the richest to the poorest person on earth, on our death bed, we all wish for the same thing. More time.......how you choose to spend yours is up to you.
 
I think that the fact that you are asking says a lot and to me means you;re going to be just fine.

Just prepare yourself to lose a lot of sleep at first. Luckily mine was a great sleeper, but making sure the kiddo has a full tummy when its time for bed helps too.

Patience!

Stay away from binkies or passies or whatever they call them now. They create monsters and bad teeth.

Remember also that nearly all of your child's bad behaviors can be blamed directly at YOU! Temper tantrums, back talking, not listening are all things that are learned.
 
I had to go through this thread and read what everyone had to say... I have a 17 month old and one on the way, it's incredible how most of the basics that has been said is so true!

running white said:
My best advice is this: spend quality
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I remember someone saying that enjoy every minute with them, including when they are tugging on your leg nagging you.. Because, one day, that will be history and you will want to revisit that moment. That is SO true, I try to enjoy the whole experience. Though, I have a breaking point, I'm sure we all do, and kids do push the limit. It's like a drive, to see how far they can push you.

CXS said:
Second, understand your kid won't thank you for getting up at 2am and 4am and 6am for feeding, diaper change, etc. It can feel very thankless but spending time bonding is critical in the early months especially. That bond will last forever, make it now.

If you have to read a book just get one that covers the first year. After that get one that explains logical consequences and use it as a lifetime plan for your kids.
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I completely agree with both points.

I am from the mind set that, I'm not going to always remind my kids "look what I did for you". They don't know, they don't need to know. If you have kids its your responsibility not theirs. To make them feel bad for your work that you do is unfair. Just my opinion.

Regarding books, I read the "expectant father" I thought it was a great book.
Opened my perspective to things, also helps you through what the wife is going through. As we all know, women aren't always great at verbalizing feelings and emotions.

jwyshrek said:
21 month old here...

Sleep now...because you won't after the baby arrives...for a long while.

Oh, also...remember...if the wife ain't happy, the husband won't be happy...

And...congrats!
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SO True!!! People kept telling me that, and I remember thinking you are over reacting lol. Sleep is a thing of the past after kids. Unless they can spend a weekend at the grandparents so you can catch a break.

SLEEP NOW!! A LOT!!


lastlaugh said:
Free Time - HA HA!! What the hell is that?!! You can forget having any free time to do anything you want to do. And if you try, it will be constantly interrupted. This was a huge stressor to me at first. Drove me crazy. But now, I just tell myself, "nothing is more important than spending time with my daughter"
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SO TRUE!! You realize how little time you have once they are here.
Even as little things as using the bathroom!

Think of a kid as an addition to your body. You can't just leave it for 5 minutes, yet you can't take it everywhere. You will find out how creative you can be once you get there.



In addition to all that was said. I agree with others about patience. If its one thing my little one teaches me on a daily basis is patience. They are incredible little love balls of joy, though they do test your limits!

I have read some material about neuro development and everything points to simply providing a healthy loving environment and nature will do the rest for you!

Sleep train! Do it as early as you can, at 4 months is perfect. The older they get, the harder it gets. I have seen it happen with many of our friends!
Cry out works, trust me :) , just watch the fever.

Do your research about vaccinations You don't need to give them all of them!! Esp the hep B they give at birth. Research Research Research.

Lastly, be extra supportive to your wife... It is really incredible what they go through to grow a baby and give birth. Nothing I can ever do to match that pain.


Congrats, good luck and enjoy :)

Share pictures when she/he is here!
 
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