The harmonic vibration sounds like the front differential damper issue. Mine does it very slightly with it unlocked between 60-65mph, and I haven't tried driving with it locked at that speed since there's no need to. There was another thread about it, and Lexus has a fix for the 470, but I don't know if anyone has tried that part on a 4runner. IIRC most people say the vibration is subtle, but if yours is very strong then there might be another problem.
Slightly off topic, but I can confirm that having the center unlocked is much better for handling on slippery roads. It's easy to test yourself, and you should find that understeer in hard corners is worse with it unlocked. I have a friend who has a Tacoma, which doesn't have a center diff so it's locked all the time when it's in 4WD. He has snow tires and I have all season tires. I've driven with him on snowy and muddy roads, and he couldn't keep up with me in the turns because his truck would understeer. He had to go slower to make it through the same turns, or if he was going the same speed he would have slid off the road.
The center diff is limited slip, so you shouldn't need to lock it unless you're in a situation where you might get stuck. For highway driving if you encounter unexpected ice or something like that the traction control and stability control will help, though they are not perfect. You definitely want VSC on if you're driving on slippery roads as long as there's no significant risk of getting stuck, and locking the center disables that.