SnowLizard
New member
Found this on the Interwebs... and had to bring it here... I don't take credit.
EDIT: I changed this so it relates to 4Runners... any more suggestions?
"The rules of Off-Road"*
1. Never take your wife wheeling AND forget the toilet paper.
2. Always blame your spotter.
3. A taller lift and larger tires will temporarily lower the driver's IQ, it comes down to how you drive
4. Own more than one 4Runner at a time.
5. All mud, no matter where it is in the world, smells.
6. And the worse the mud smells, the greater the likelihood of you having to climb out and pull cable.
7. When someone says that you are standing in their line........move!
8. Conversely, when I tell you my rig is going to be where you are standing in just a second…..it is.
9. “Just bump it a little” is not a phrase understood by most people. Get out of the way.
10. Repeat after me…..”Honey, if I can just get this one last part, the $Runner will be done”.
11. The 4Runner is never “done”. Anyone who says that theirs is, is lying.
12. Set up your winch remote BEFORE you need it!
13. crocs are not suitable footwear for wheeling.
14. Don’t forget the bug spray.
15. Oops is not a word you want to hear from your mechanic, your Doctor or particularly, your spotter.
16. Yes, your rig is going to get scratched. If you have an aversion to this, stay home. Better yet, buy a Jeep.
17. One man’s definition of a stock run is not necessarily another’s. Take a look at the person’s rig for clarification.
18. Extreme depends on your point of view.
19. Stay far, far away from the “hold my beer and watch this” crowd.
20. Never wheel alone. And never forget your winch remote in the barn……..ever.
21. Never, ever spot for your wife or girlfriend.
22. Whatever tool you need, just stop looking now…..it’s at home in the garage.
23. No, I will not run the winch for you. I will stand behind a tree out of the line of fire.
24. If you enjoy standing in the rain, up to your knees in mud, getting eaten by mosquitoes the size of small birds, all the while tearing up hundred dollar bills, you’re going to love wheeling.
25. Have proper recovery points, plastic bumpers are not 'proper'.
26. When someone is decent enough to tell you that you can’t make a particular obstacle (see #31), do yourself a favor and listen to them.
27. Windows up and AC on does not make you dumb. It makes you smarter than they are.
28. The primary uses of the CB radio are to heckle your friends and to decide where you’re going to eat and drink after the run.
29. Turn the CB off when you go into the restaurant however so that I don’t have to jump your rig.
30. Anyone with a programmable horn should never be allowed to wheel with you.
31. Just remember when your "friends" are "encouraging" you, they all have their cameras out.
32. If you don’t think it’s a good idea, it probably isn’t.
33. Never wheel with Mini-Vans.
34. Momentum can be your friend but speed almost never is.
35. Avoid people who think that money can buy talent.
36. If someone says, “just bounce it off the rev limiter”, bounce something off their head.
37. Never discuss politics, religion or tires in polite company.
38. If the person in front of you does something stupid, you are under no obligation to make the same mistake.
39. Money and enthusiasm does not a wheeler make.
40. Gas up BEFORE you arrive at the trailhead.
41. Never be enticed by the phrase, “that line has never been successfully done before”.
42. Always check actual retail price of Vehicle parts BEFORE you buy something on CL that looks like a good deal.
43. Never buy gears or tires used.
44. Be very selective about who you will let spot for you, VERY selective.
45. Washing transfer case parts in the dishwasher is very effective. Just don’t get caught.
46. Discretion is always the better part of valor.
47. Never make a bet that will cause you to have to wear a dress on the next run if you lose.
48. When your wife tells you not to do something......don't.
49. Never make banjo sounds where the indigenous population can hear you.
50. Put it in 4WD before you think you need to. Don't be "that" guy.
51. A guy wearing a “Trail Guide” shirt is, in all likelihood, no smarter than you are. Witness the fact that I own several
52. Get in, sit down, hold on
53. Addendum to above. When I panic then you can.
54. Glazed donuts don't make great hamburger buns.
55. Gas prices rise along with the size of your rig.
56. Breakdowns are exponentially more expensive the bigger your rig gets.
57. With very few exceptions, leave spares home. You’re not going to have what you need anyway.
58. Exceptions include belts, hoses and u-joints.
59. Speed costs money.
60. When wheeling with a large group, always try to be near the front of the pack. "Trust me."
61. When someone says, “trust me”, run and hide.
62. 35s will not bolt on stock... but after a message and lift it will. wait that's not stock...
63. Don’t take your doors off... it's not a jeep
64. “Off-Road Stickers” does not mean what you think it does.
65. It does mean what Toyota thinks it does.
66. One spotter at a time, the rest, spot the spotter.
67. Air down.
68. Never attend a wheeling event with the intention of just watching. It never works out.
69. After three unsuccessful tries, pull cable.
70. Any more than that and the rest of us will encourage you to do something really stupid. (related to 69)
71. Wheel while you can because the vocal minority wants the keys to your rig.
72. No one will get a picture of you conquering the unconquerable, but screw up just this much and everybody gets it on film.
73. The camera never does justice to the terrain.
74. Just buy the Supercharger and be done with it......life is too short
75. A Toyota frame in the Northeast is rusted. I don't care how good it looks.
EDIT: I changed this so it relates to 4Runners... any more suggestions?
"The rules of Off-Road"*
1. Never take your wife wheeling AND forget the toilet paper.
2. Always blame your spotter.
3. A taller lift and larger tires will temporarily lower the driver's IQ, it comes down to how you drive
4. Own more than one 4Runner at a time.
5. All mud, no matter where it is in the world, smells.
6. And the worse the mud smells, the greater the likelihood of you having to climb out and pull cable.
7. When someone says that you are standing in their line........move!
8. Conversely, when I tell you my rig is going to be where you are standing in just a second…..it is.
9. “Just bump it a little” is not a phrase understood by most people. Get out of the way.
10. Repeat after me…..”Honey, if I can just get this one last part, the $Runner will be done”.
11. The 4Runner is never “done”. Anyone who says that theirs is, is lying.
12. Set up your winch remote BEFORE you need it!
13. crocs are not suitable footwear for wheeling.
14. Don’t forget the bug spray.
15. Oops is not a word you want to hear from your mechanic, your Doctor or particularly, your spotter.
16. Yes, your rig is going to get scratched. If you have an aversion to this, stay home. Better yet, buy a Jeep.
17. One man’s definition of a stock run is not necessarily another’s. Take a look at the person’s rig for clarification.
18. Extreme depends on your point of view.
19. Stay far, far away from the “hold my beer and watch this” crowd.
20. Never wheel alone. And never forget your winch remote in the barn……..ever.
21. Never, ever spot for your wife or girlfriend.
22. Whatever tool you need, just stop looking now…..it’s at home in the garage.
23. No, I will not run the winch for you. I will stand behind a tree out of the line of fire.
24. If you enjoy standing in the rain, up to your knees in mud, getting eaten by mosquitoes the size of small birds, all the while tearing up hundred dollar bills, you’re going to love wheeling.
25. Have proper recovery points, plastic bumpers are not 'proper'.
26. When someone is decent enough to tell you that you can’t make a particular obstacle (see #31), do yourself a favor and listen to them.
27. Windows up and AC on does not make you dumb. It makes you smarter than they are.
28. The primary uses of the CB radio are to heckle your friends and to decide where you’re going to eat and drink after the run.
29. Turn the CB off when you go into the restaurant however so that I don’t have to jump your rig.
30. Anyone with a programmable horn should never be allowed to wheel with you.
31. Just remember when your "friends" are "encouraging" you, they all have their cameras out.
32. If you don’t think it’s a good idea, it probably isn’t.
33. Never wheel with Mini-Vans.
34. Momentum can be your friend but speed almost never is.
35. Avoid people who think that money can buy talent.
36. If someone says, “just bounce it off the rev limiter”, bounce something off their head.
37. Never discuss politics, religion or tires in polite company.
38. If the person in front of you does something stupid, you are under no obligation to make the same mistake.
39. Money and enthusiasm does not a wheeler make.
40. Gas up BEFORE you arrive at the trailhead.
41. Never be enticed by the phrase, “that line has never been successfully done before”.
42. Always check actual retail price of Vehicle parts BEFORE you buy something on CL that looks like a good deal.
43. Never buy gears or tires used.
44. Be very selective about who you will let spot for you, VERY selective.
45. Washing transfer case parts in the dishwasher is very effective. Just don’t get caught.
46. Discretion is always the better part of valor.
47. Never make a bet that will cause you to have to wear a dress on the next run if you lose.
48. When your wife tells you not to do something......don't.
49. Never make banjo sounds where the indigenous population can hear you.
50. Put it in 4WD before you think you need to. Don't be "that" guy.
51. A guy wearing a “Trail Guide” shirt is, in all likelihood, no smarter than you are. Witness the fact that I own several
52. Get in, sit down, hold on
53. Addendum to above. When I panic then you can.
54. Glazed donuts don't make great hamburger buns.
55. Gas prices rise along with the size of your rig.
56. Breakdowns are exponentially more expensive the bigger your rig gets.
57. With very few exceptions, leave spares home. You’re not going to have what you need anyway.
58. Exceptions include belts, hoses and u-joints.
59. Speed costs money.
60. When wheeling with a large group, always try to be near the front of the pack. "Trust me."
61. When someone says, “trust me”, run and hide.
62. 35s will not bolt on stock... but after a message and lift it will. wait that's not stock...
63. Don’t take your doors off... it's not a jeep
64. “Off-Road Stickers” does not mean what you think it does.
65. It does mean what Toyota thinks it does.
66. One spotter at a time, the rest, spot the spotter.
67. Air down.
68. Never attend a wheeling event with the intention of just watching. It never works out.
69. After three unsuccessful tries, pull cable.
70. Any more than that and the rest of us will encourage you to do something really stupid. (related to 69)
71. Wheel while you can because the vocal minority wants the keys to your rig.
72. No one will get a picture of you conquering the unconquerable, but screw up just this much and everybody gets it on film.
73. The camera never does justice to the terrain.
74. Just buy the Supercharger and be done with it......life is too short
75. A Toyota frame in the Northeast is rusted. I don't care how good it looks.
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