Glad that you're OK!!
Interesting discussion. A few things/questions on my end:
1. Check your frame! The bumper is bolted to the frame, right? If so, then any movement of the bumper is a movement straight to the frame. I would get out a "right angle" ruler and check the entire front frame.
2. Airbags (front ones) deploy depending on how rapid the deceleration is, not on the actual impact. At least, this is how most airbags work. So, if you hit a tree and your force of deceleration is large enough, then the airbags will deploy. If you hit an object but don't slow down enough (aka not enough deceleration force), then the airbags remain quiet.
3. Now, to my question...back to Mica's hypothetical situation...COULD the lady sue YOU for having a nonDOT-spec (aka aftermarket) bumper & lift and thus causing harm to her (hypothetical) daughter??? She is at fault in the accident, but her lawyer may turn this around saying that if you had a stock 4runner, then her daughter would still be healthy today. (I know that she would have been injured also if a stock 4runner hit her, but the lawyer will focus on the aftermarket stuff!) I don't know the answer...i am no lawyer, nor do i pretend to be one.
4. Small note...glad that i have a car with side curtain and seat-mounted airbags in case i am as air-headed as this lady!
5. Small note #2...this is why the future cars will have radar crash prevention/mitigation system (aka Lexus/Toyota Pre-Collision System)...the PCS would have seen the object in front...slammed on the brakes to slow down and thus decrease severity of collision...and tightened the driver's seatbelts to prep him/her for collision.
Again, glad that you're OK...and glad that the lady is OK too.