My in-laws bought a new Pilot the weekend I bought my new Runner. They have leather, rear DVD and third row of seats.
Tbox is correct. Pilot drives like an elevated Accord. Smooth power, good room, quiet. The leather is nice, DVD is awesome and the third row seat is habitable by only kids. I sat (volunteered) for a 45 minute drive in the widow maker seat, I couldn't feel my legs when we got there. Plus climbing back and out is a feat of gymnastics. And I was sitting sideways. Pilot uses clutch packs in its diffs and 4wd system. Meaning you have to change the oil like every 7500 miles. It also comes stock with highway tires, no A/T.
4Runner is a truck. It has smooth power, comfortable seats and is quiet for a truck, but I have a Borla, so I am not really looking for quiet. I want it to sound like a truck. All mechanicals are gear driven=more reliable, less maintenance.
I wouldn't take the Pilot off of a dirt road. The Runner has been driven down a hill through a wooded trail and tackled anything a 65 acre ranch can dish out.
IMHO, you can't go wrong choosing either vehicle. It is really a matter of personal preference.
One thing I keep in mind everytime I see an Odyssey, Pilot, Ridgeline and MDX is they are all basically the same vehicle with different makeup. All car based vehicles.
The 4Runner is based on the Tundra, Land Cruiser and Sequoia, all tough and tumble trucks.
In your mind, do you want to drive a tough truck or a mall queen?
BTW...the power steering pump went out in the Pilot the first weekend. Dealer claims they have never had that happen before and pirated a pump from another Pilot on their lot.
http://hondapilot.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=2521&highlight=hard+start+key
A long Pilot thread about the pump going out more frequently than the dealer will admit.