you are pushing it at even 4500lbs, thats towing a full sized car man, like a BMW 750i... your crazy. again i would only do that out of necessity, and not a choice id pre-plan... i think you are pushing it right now with the trailer that you are towing currently.
its good that you have the v8, but you are still hurting on the brake issue and chassis issue. the motors power is not the only thing you need to worry about, its cooling ability, the transmission and its ability to cool or do the work you are asking of it, the drive train, are the ujoints and drive line stout enough for this, sure it can do it, but is it designed to do this as a working load? no the tacoma is a truck, its designed to work and haul loads, thats what the engineers desinged it to do, they weigh less than 4runners so they can haul more on the same components that how they have higher tow ratings...
its common knowledge amongst contractors ect that if you want a truck that will haul the most, get a 2wd, standard cab(most get the long box only because it gives them more room in the bed to haul stuff, adn the longer wheelbase for towing) but the lighter the truck itself the more payload it can haul if you compare any two full size diesel trucks of same brand and make ie two f350s, one a crew cab 4wd long box vs a reg cab 2wd long box the 2wd will have a greater towing or payload capacity. thats how the trucks do it and get a greater towing capacity... the excursion was/ built off of of a f350 chassis, so why cant it carry as much as a f350, well for one it weighs more, and two it was never designed by for to be a working truck or tow vehicle. sure it can do it and its capable of doing it but not like the trucks
you want to tow big items then buy a truck. yeah your 4runner can tow, yes adding more power will enable you to tow a heavier item, but is it safe or is it suggested, no, especially not on a regular basis