Am I a superhero? (Complete bs thread.)

Dirtyfingers

Dirtyfingers

Senior Member
So lately I've noticed that when I have rather terrible gas, I can clear out rooms that are 100+ sq.ft. Is this normal for a 20year old that eats a regular diet? I wonder, does this mean I'm a superhero? If so I promise to only use my powers for the good humored people and for good souls alike!

One day I was down in the main space engineering and I let one fly, there was about 20 people in there and my gas was so bad everyone thought there was an H2S leak, that being said our ship is in dry dock...so no possible way of H2S. After the dust settled and everything is defumigated (however you spell that) I turn to my friend and he tells me I have a gift.

Hope this inspires some good stories haha. I hope to hear some more funny stories in this thread, hope I got someone to laugh.

Cheers!
 
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Dirtyfingers said:
So lately I've noticed that when I have rather terrible gas, I can clear out rooms that are 100+ sq.ft. Is this normal for a 20year old that eats a regular diet? I wonder, does this mean I'm a superhero? If so I promise to only use my powers for the good humored people and for good souls alike!

One day I was down in the main space engineering and I let one fly, there was about 20 people in there and my gas was so bad everyone thought there was an H2S leak, that being said our ship is in dry dock...so no possible way of H2S. After the dust settled and everything is defumigated (however you spell that) I turn to my friend and he tells me I have a gift.

Hope this inspires some good stories haha. I hope to hear some more funny stories in this thread, hope I got someone to laugh.

Cheers!
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Not bad...you can be used against the Taliban! Clearing out 100+ sq ft rooms makes you more powerful than any grenade or Delta Force/SEALs.
 
Whoa, I'd say that's abnormal but not quite superhero status. Maybe if you could control it?

Also, weren't you the guy looking for dating tips recently? I'd say hide that nonsense at all costs. Unless you can find a chick that loves the smell of your gas. If so, marry her.
 
Bottle that stuff and put it on eBay.

You'll be restricted to ground shipping and probably have to put a hazardous materials sticker on the box but you might have a market.
 
We had a guy in my fraternity who had his own room. He would fart so bad and they just hung there...almost looked like a heavy fog. I'm pretty sure it saturated his blinds and walls. No one would even hang out in there.
It got so bad it started leaking into the hallway, so we made him move his room to the basement and used his old as a trash room!
 
My wife says that the bed goes from ice cold to warm and toasty when I fart in my sleep.

She says that the farts are so bad she can taste them.

I have actually made her throw up by farting.

I once farted in a high traffic elevator in the morning, the smell was still there at 5 pm when I was heading home.

I have been kicked out of a Gold's gym when I farted while running on the treadmill.

I have had coworkers tell me not to fart at work or they'll try to kick my ass.

I farted while test driving a BMW and the salesman told me I had bought the car if he can't get the smell out.

I am one of the few men who can fart outside, during a windstorm, and still have it linger.

When people see me shaking my pants legs, they run.
 
Thai said:
Not bad...you can be used against the Taliban! Clearing out 100+ sq ft rooms makes you more powerful than any grenade or Delta Force/SEALs.
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Haha, reminds me of this I read: Open letter from Police Chief David Oliver to Kanye West | Hooning

----------------------------------------------------------

Dear Kanye West,

I am honored to be writing such an important star. I am a mere Internet sensation. I’m not sure I am worthy to address you, although the Huffington Post did say I was “Humorous and Insanely Popular.” I don’t pay much attention to those things. Anyway, please excuse my interference in your life for a quick second.

I read your interview and also watched it on video. You said:
“I’m just giving of my body on the stage and putting my life at risk, literally.….and I think about it. I think about my family and I’m like, wow, this is like being a police officer or something, in war or something.”

I want to thank you for putting your life on the line for all of us every day. I know that being a rapper is tough work. I have tried to rap, and it is very difficult to keep up with the pulse of the rhyme flow…although when Ice Ice Baby comes on the radio, I can usually keep up with ol’ Vanilla. Anywho, your job is just some very dangerous work. Most people don’t consider… if you rap really fast, without a chance to inhale, you could pass out and hit your head.



That last paragraph was covered in sarcasm. I’m letting you know, just so you do not think I agree with your very ignorant assessment of your career (or any other performer)as it relates to a person in the military or a police officer’s service. You sir, are as misguided as they come. I do have a suggestion for you. Since you are accustomed to danger, from your life as an international rapper, I am strongly encouraging you immediately abandon you career as a super star and join the military. After joining, I would like you to volunteer to be deployed in Afghanistan or one of the numerous other forward locations where our men an women are currently serving. When the Taliban starts shooting at you, perhaps you could stand up and let the words flow. It could be something like “I’m Kanye West, wearing a flak vest.” I’m sure they would just drop weapons and surrender. You could quite possibly end all wars, just from the enemy being star-struck.

Your line of thinking is part of the problem in the world today….which include entertainers thinking they are something more than just entertainers. I know it is supply and demand and the demand for your services is high. I get economics. What I do not get is you EVER comparing what you do for a living to our heroic military members, who are always in harm’s way… and my brother and sister police officers who have to go to work carrying weapons and wearing a bullet-proof vest to protect themselves.

check yourself, before you wreck yourself….Chief Oliver.
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I have the farting gift.

Once I farted so bad my cousin threw up on the floor and then my Aunt kicked his ass and called him a sissy... I was so proud!

I can even offend my dogs- and they are raunchy Beagles! HA!

Oh yeah-

This past summer [MENTION=47340]Titanpat57[/MENTION] and I were camping in his ROAM homebuilt trailer, with the extended room. That thing is like a sound amplifier. Around 3am, the entire campground was dead quiet and I blasted a giant boomer. From all the way across the campground (probably a few acres away) we heard some lady say "WHAT THE F$#@ WAS THAT??!?!?!

Here we were, two grown men giggling like girls for about an hour. Good times!
 
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Antman said:
I have the farting gift.

Once I farted so bad my cousin threw up on the floor and then my Aunt kicked his ass and called him a sissy... I was so proud!

I can even offend my dogs- and they are raunchy Beagles! HA!

Oh yeah-

This past summer [MENTION=47340]Titanpat57[/MENTION] and I were camping in his ROAM homebuilt trailer, with the extended room. That thing is like a sound amplifier. Around 3am, the entire campground was dead quiet and I blasted a giant boomer. From all the way across the campground (probably a few acres away) we heard some lady say "WHAT THE F$#@ WAS THAT??!?!?!

Here we were, two grown men giggling like girls for about an hour. Good times!
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I have NEVER been so embarrassed....


























































or laughed so hard....(he's right...at least an hour...tears, streaming down my face....:horn:)
 

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As far as the dating goes for me I think farts are hilarious. Today I dated after getting off a watch and when the captin came down the ladder well she was so appalled she went home for the day!! Hahaahahaha oh my god I think I'm going to die happy.
 
Dirtyfingers said:
As far as the dating goes for me I think farts are hilarious. Today I dated after getting off a watch and when the captin came down the ladder well she was so appalled she went home for the day!! Hahaahahaha oh my god I think I'm going to die alone.
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Fixed. Lmao. Seriously, good for you for being able to own it.
 
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I'm no doctor but couldn't that be a sign of some gut issues? I dont think excessive gas is normal if you are eating right.
 
WTF guys, i mean i have gas, i eat about 2lbs of meat a day and take whey, but it's nowhere as bad as what some of you guys make it sound like lol
 
t4r4life said:
WTF guys, i mean i have gas, i eat about 2lbs of meat a day and take whey, but it's nowhere as bad as what some of you guys make it sound like lol
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Haha I know right? Well the other day I guess I had some real bad night gas and I lifted up the covers and fell out of my bed-.- it's navy food haha.
 
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