I'll just stick to what you asked. I'll draw up a diagram for you tomorrow (just quote or tag me so I don't forget). I do have to ask where your third brake light will be though. perhaps an led strip?
Anyway, the reverse switch is actually the simplest diagram I've seen for awhile . Just diagnosed a bad switch on my own so there you go.
-Tap into the outgoing wire near the switch. it's a simple 12v on/off positive only switch with the lights completing the circuit. this is your pin 85 on the relay.
-mount the relay wherever you choose. you'll have to run a good length of wire either way. I personally suggest near the switch. you'll see why.
- find a constant 12v supply from the harness that is just behind the cubby-hole on the driver's side. most of these control your wiper and window motors for the rear. They will be on a higher fused circuit because of this.... Note, however, I'd rather run a fused, dedicated wire if I could. Either way, this is your pin 30.
- ground pin 86 and your light bar. attach pin 87 to your light bar positive. it should operate now with your reverse lights only.
-now for your lighted switch. This is why I suggest a fused dedicated circuit. You can tap into the new circuit you made in the last step (remember, we are bypassing the relay this time.) OR create a new one directly in series with the switch to the lights... though that would add to the wires you need to run.
Anyway, to make sense of that, tap into the fused wire before the relay. the other side goes to your switch. Now from the switch, run a wire to pin 87 of your relay... (it should allow for a little less wire to be used.)
-note that you should be using an SPST switch, not SPDT as you have listed. you only need to have one circuit.
-verify your wiring is correct and that your lights will come on with reverse lights only with the switch off, and on their own without reverse lights.
OK SV, maybe I lost you there. My diagram should make perfect sense though when I post it.
For what it's worth, your diagram does work at least... though it's over complicated. On yours for example, to allow the reverse lights to trigger the light bar, you would have to keep the switch "on" in one direction, and "on" in the other to power it without the reverse signal. "off" would be a moot function.
Also, simplicity is reliability
edit: good lord is that long. Cell phone write-up ftw?