Highlander vs. 4Runner
I definitely feel qualified to chime in on this issue, as I drive a 2005 V6 4Runner (4x4) and my girlfriend has a 2002 V6 Highlander (front-wheel-drive). Both of us enjoy driving either of them, but realize that there are differences between them.
The Highlander is built on a 'car' chassis (Camry), while the 4Runner is truly a 'truck' (similar to the Tacoma). Look at the underside of each vehicle, and it will be easy to understand what I am saying. The Highlander has a transverse-mounted engine - 4 cylinders come standard, with a V6 optional. The 4Runner has a V6 as standard - with a 4.7-liter V8 available at extra cost; both engines are mounted longitudinally (front-to-rear).
Two-wheel drive Highlanders put power to the road through the front wheels, while 4Runners drive from the rear wheels. Of course, both of them can be equipped as a 4x4 if so desired. I honestly don't know if the Highlander has a selectable 4x4 set-up like my 4Runner or if it is one of those all-wheel-drive systems that works automatically. I also am not sure if the 4x4 Highlander has a "low" range switch like the 4Runner does.
For the '05 models, the V6 in the Highlander is 3.5 liters and the 4Runner's V6 is 4.0 liters. My girlfriend has an '02 Highlander that has a 3.0-liter V6 (yes, from the Camry). Even so, it scoots along pretty well and has more than enough power to stay ahead of traffic. The 4Runner is a bit more powerful, but is heavier and probably is less aerodynamic. The Highlander gets better fuel mileage, too. I am lucky to get 21 or 22 mpg on the highway, while her Highlander easily gets 25 mpg if she can keep her foot out of it.
The Highlander does indeed ride smoother and is a bit quieter inside. Also, I like the Highlander's front seats a lot better - especially on a long trip. Don't know why.....I just do. The console area on the Highlander also leaves more room for 'goodies' and knick-nacks and there's a nice area underneath where most women could put their pocketbook if they wanted. The 4Runner lacks this open space - probably because of its rear-drive setup. The transmission gear selector in the Highlander is a lot simpler than the (Ahem!) shifty one in my 4Runner.
The 4Runner has more of a "firm" ride and you'll feel bumps a bit more than in the Highlander......but not enough to be annoying. Even though they're similar in size, the 4Runner seems much bigger and has that "trucky" feel to it that the Highlander doesn't. Ironically, my girlfriend bought her Highlander because she thought the 4Runner was indeed too "trucky" for her.
The 4Runner has a rear hatch that opens wide - just like the Highlander.......but the 4Runner has the ability to lower the rear glass when the hatch is closed; nice for some ventilation going down the road. The Highlander's glass is fixed in the door and doesn't have the ability to be opened separately.
In the snow, her 2WD Highlander is very good and probably would do better than my 4Runner without using the 4x4 switch; probably because the 4Runner is driven by the rear wheels. Even the 2WD Highlander has a 'snow' button that helps to control skidding. For getting around on snowy roads, the Highlander is excellent, but the 4x4 4Runner clearly would have an advantage when going off-road. The 4Runner also has better ground clearance.
The Highlander is the ultimate soccer mom SUV (my girlfriend has three kids in high school) for tooling around town, while the 4Runner gets the nod if you want to tow, go off the beaten path or just like the "trucky" feel of it. If you're caught in the middle, go and test-drive both of them. Toyota did a good job with both of them, so there is not a "wrong" choice here.