Am I a bad husband?

Derek G

Derek G

New member
So I've been buying my OME lift one piece at a time over several weeks to avoid sticker shock with my wife. Front springs one week, rears the next, bilsteins after that and so on. I hide the parts in the garage behind my golf clubs because I know she'll never go there. This T4R is here daily driver, so I need good excuses to steal it from her for a day while everything gets installed. Suggestions? :behindsofa:
 
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Derek G said:
It is hers, and she wants the lift and "bigger tires". She just doesn't have a concept of price when it comes to this stuff so I'm trying to be subtle.
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Right on... Buy her a day out for the ladies and instal it then. ;) Then at least she's happy when she comes home to see you spent the money.

-Daniel Kent
 
First off instead of hiding it just say you won a contest! I do it all the time lol then I throw in someone was giving it away and i got it then some things i buy it keep her off me about it lol

Second. Just tell her you gotta take it to do the whatever mileage your close to maintance and its important you do it
 
Bad. Financial infidelity is the quickest way to a divorce. Especially if the guilty one is buying through a credit card without discussing it with the other. How do you hide the purchases?
 
Derek G said:
It is hers, and she wants the lift and "bigger tires". She just doesn't have a concept of price when it comes to this stuff so I'm trying to be subtle.
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as long as your not going over budget or spending excessive money that you or both of you will need for other things, I think your onto something cool here.

if she wants it but can't justify the price then your doing her a huge justice in getting her what she wants without adding financial stress to her daily worries. (and getting a little gold in the prize yourself with getting a lift for both of you to enjoy)

I agree with an above post, set her up for a date with some friends (have her friend drive her and try to be subtle with the details to her friend so she doesn't spill the beans.) either a spa or lunch or something to get her out and away for a day. install it while she's gone and surprise her when she gets home with the lift installed. I doubt she'll question the cost if she's truly interested in lifting she'll be extactic to see it lifted and excited to drive it.

or just say I need to take the 4runner in for maintenance I'll be back later then surprise her when you get back.

I think you would be a bad husband if you had a wife that wants a lift and didn't get it for her lol. How many guys can say their wife wants a lifted truck with big tires I mean come on dude!
 
I'm with [MENTION=67756]Lineman[/MENTION]. Just be up front with her about buying the lift. If it doesn't fit the budget then discuss with her how to get it in the budget. If y'all don't do a budget, start one together. And, look into taking a Financial Peace University class.
 
ugamurph said:
I'm with [MENTION=67756]Lineman[/MENTION]. Just be up front with her about buying the lift. If it doesn't fit the budget then discuss with her how to get it in the budget. If y'all don't do a budget, start one together. And, look into taking a Financial Peace University class.
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This is great advice and my wife and I always discuss purchases first so we don't fight about it. :D We are also taking the Financial Peace University class together so we can be on the same page as to how we want to manage our money. ;)

-Daniel Kent

EDIT: If y'all agree on the lift, then you can buy and surprise her. You can still surprise her on things even if she knows about a purchase. We add our builds in our budget. :D
 
Personally I'd wait until you have it all bought and then surprise her with it like a gift.

SURPRISE! Remember you said you wanted the lift? Well here it is! Now we just have to get it installed!
 
Surprise her with the lift installed and new tires! Tell her you need to go do maintenance for it or something like that.
 
Honesty is key. That's something I've learned in my nine years of marriage. If she wants it lifted, be up front with all costs. If she says no, then it's no. Next time she says she wants it lifted be upfront again she may eventually give in to the costs.

I once decided not to tell my wife about the $4k Snap-on toolbox I bought. Big mistake.

It depends on budget too. If your paycheck to paycheck, it's even more of a big deal. If your money tree in the back is consistantly having bumper crops of 100 bills, then it probably wouldn't be a big deal anyway.
 
gm350reratliff said:
I once decided not to tell my wife about the $4k Snap-on toolbox I bought. Big mistake.
.
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the difference there is the tool box was for you not her and 4K is way more money than the OP will spend purchasing and OME lift kit. lol

I was up front with my wife with all the purchases I've made to my 4runner even though I didn't have to be, the money came from my pocket thats filled with doing side jobs and what not to make extra money for my social habits aside from the pay checks I bring home that go into "our money"

She would have been happier not knowing how much I spent she's told me that herself.. But she does enjoy off-roading and getting out with new friends on the trail.

basicly every relationship is going to be different in the way things get handled and whats best for someone else may not be best for you. these are all just opinions based on a small amount of information the OP has given us.
 
Lineman said:
Bad. Financial infidelity is the quickest way to a divorce.
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I don't think these responses are what you were expecting but I'm pleased to see most people have honest & open financial relationship with their spouses.
 
CXS said:
I don't think these responses are what you were expecting but I'm pleased to see most people have honest & open financial relationship with their spouses.
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We have an open finance relationship. I'm jus spreading the costs out and also want to surprise her.
 
Have a CONVERSATION with her and tell her, "you want a lift it's going to cost $____. I wanted to surprise you and get it installed, but I wanted to be honest about the recent purchases too."
Then tell her to take a day with her girls and you'll "surprise" her with the finished product when she gets home.

Jeez, this is kind of relationships 101. I must have hit the jackpot with my wife. Whenever I want anything I tell her about it and we have a conversation about it and decide if I really want it and when we're going to buy it. Same goes for any of her big purchases too. All this sneaking around can't be good for your relationship.
 
Just tell her you are taking it in for a regular service.

Then when you pick it up.. surprise!
 
Dusty Driftwood said:
Have a CONVERSATION with her and tell her, "you want a lift it's going to cost $____. I wanted to surprise you and get it installed, but I wanted to be honest about the recent purchases too."
Then tell her to take a day with her girls and you'll "surprise" her with the finished product when she gets home.

Jeez, this is kind of relationships 101. I must have hit the jackpot with my wife. Whenever I want anything I tell her about it and we have a conversation about it and decide if I really want it and when we're going to buy it. Same goes for any of her big purchases too. All this sneaking around can't be good for your relationship.
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She knows how much it costs and has agreed to it, I'm doing it this way so that I can surprise her. If I bought it all at once she would notice that and it wouldn't really be a surprise. The only thing we have a difference on is tires. I want Duratracs, she want's Bridgestone's
 
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