Well little update report, 5htp was some what of a failure, it would have some placebo effect on me but after a while it's pretty much useless, keeping myself busy has been the key, but the last couple of days has been terrible, it's like my mind is trying to go against me, every time when i stop doing anything the mind just goes haywire, terrible thoughts, which made sleeping very difficult, the last 4 days i had to resort to medication to put me to sleep even then 5 hours is most i get out of it. for those who has been battling this for years, how do you guy keep the bad thoughts away the instant something negative happen in your life, i would be doing okay and one little hiccup can put me in the cloud again.
I know it's been a long time, someone recently reminded me this thread existed (ah, **** it... [MENTION=2]Thai[/MENTION] go eat a cookie buddy), but I'll try to answer your question as best as I can from my experience.
For those who has been battling this for years, how do you guy keep the bad thoughts away the instant something negative happen in your life, i would be doing okay and one little hiccup can put me in the cloud again.
You don't... The negative thoughts will never go away, they'll always be there gnawing at you, waiting for you to screw up so they can slap you in the face with a big "I told you so! You suck, here's proof". It's not about making the thoughts go away, it's about how you learn to manage/deal with them. Even normal people have negative thoughts and suicidal thoughts, it's just they tend to brush those thoughts aside a lot easier than people with depression.
This past year has been a shit show for me, like the common theme of my life "good things mean worse things"; except this year hasn't had much good to give me warning. The amount of negative thinking has become a mainstay (though maybe not nearly as bad as when I lived in the Bay Area, moving away from that hell hole greatly reduced my stress and anxiety) this year. I don't manage mine in the most "healthy" manner by most people's standards. These days I drink more than I used to (I basically didn't drink at all before), but I don't have a lot of responsibilities and I follow my two cardinal rules (#1: NEVER Drink and Drive, Do Not Operate Equipment Unless you're 0% BAC No Exceptions #2: Never go to work Drunk/Buzzed).
So one example of so/so coping mechanism down, let's try something a little more "positive" as some people might say. Some days I'll come on the forums and help people with their issues, the focusing on the technical aspects of their issues is sometimes enough to distract me from my thoughts. Other times I'll go work on the 4Runner or try and dick around with the welder and grinder, but usually I don't have the energy or will to really do that stuff. Other times I'll go force myself to hang out with a friend or two, just hanging out can be distracting enough from my thoughts; sometimes the catharsis of talking about things and hearing a second opinion help make the negative thinking not so bad. Video games, TV, articles, ect. can help ease the burden of the negative thoughts. It's not a perfect system, anyone who tells you "do this thing and you'll be better, 100% guarantee" is a liar or a fool; everyone is different at different times of the day. Some days exercise will help, other days you'll have negative thinking and push yourself so far exercising that you've torn muscles and gone into muscle failure. Other days being around other people feels horrible and nerve wracking.
You need to sit down and come up with a list of things that you feel better doing or that distract you and keep those in mind. Because not everything on that list is going to work every time, but the beauty is you'll probably find something to get through the episode relatively intact. It may take hours, it may take weeks, it may take months; but figuring out a good set of activities and processes to help manage that stuff is key. As is having a good support structure (i.e. friends, family, therapist, random hooker you pay to listen to you whine; whatever works I ain't judging you). The biggest problem and it's one I don't have an answer for, is what you do when you've done all that stuff and it doesn't work. Or worse yet you come home, get in bed and now you're all alone with your thought in a relatively dark and quiet room... That's I guess when you get the industrial strength horse tranquilizers?
It's a process and some days are better than others.
