Depression

BlackWorksInc

BlackWorksInc

New member
I'm not entirely sure how to start this thread, this is one of many attempts to actually write up a thread like this (the last step of submitting it seems to prove the most difficult part.) Pretty much no one on this forum save for a couple of people who briefly spoke with me on a trail ride or meet, know me beyond my technical posts and attempts to help members with their vehicles. I'm not entirely sure how much I feel comfortable divulging, so here goes...

I have Severe Clinical Depression and Asperger's Syndrome.

I'm not a stranger to adversity, its been the staple of my life and it will continue to be until I die. I've always managed to somehow survive through most anything, but these past couple of years have hit me harder than most and have proven subsequently more difficult to recover from. It doesn't help that I've basically been beaten down and continued to be kicked while I'm down these past couple of years, for the most part I've just basically been more or less stagnant. I find it more and more difficult to find motivation in anything, honestly I genuinely feel like I have little will to continue living. Not to say I'm suicidal, but I just don't feel like I have the drive to keep trying to live my life if that makes any sense. I find my self more and more struggling with apathy to the point that it tamps out most any other emotion, I end up struggling to wake up in the morning vs. just remaining unconscious. I'm just at a point now where it honestly feels like I should just give up and accept that it'll always get worse and that's just how it is?

I'm not really looking for heartfelt sympathy, hugs, or anything like that to be honest with you; I'm just sort of curious how some of my fellow members continue to find the desire to live their life in the face of such hopelessness. I am sure there are others out there like me that struggle with Depression and other disorders and find themselves in the same difficulty I am in now; so I'm opening the floor to you... I'm not entirely sure what I am looking for in this thread, but maybe it'll at the very least help someone else out?
 
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I would suggest talking to someone such as a Social Worker. I have a Sister that is a LCSW. She talks to lots of people that have similar feelings as you.

Sometimes just talking gives her clients a new and better perspective on life. Other times, they'll also start taking anti-depressants, usually with good results.

Good luck.
 
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Brave of you to start a thread like this, it's not an easy thing to talk about.

I suspect I have clinical depression, but I've never been to a doc to get a diagnosis so I have no idea if it's bad or mild or what. I managed to quit smoking a few years ago, and between that and trying to be a good dad for my family I manage to keep my head above water most days. It helps to stay busy, and to find things you can take pride in. I know that's easier said than done and it's hard to struggle to stay up when you don't see the point, but I second the suggestion above (if you haven't already) - seek counseling.

Some of the things that help me are new experiences and adrenaline. Any time I'm doing something new or exploring a new place, I get up, to the point where I have to go hiking or wheeling somewhere new fairly frequently to get my fix or I turn back into a couch potato. If you're not a hardcore wheeler, try a mountain bike, or climbing, or whatever. Get a hobby that combines physical exertion with mental stimulation and new experiences, and I think it'll help you a lot.
 
Sorry to hear this. It shows that you never really know what others are going through. I totally respect your opinions and guidance and I see you as a trusted knowledge source.

I can understand though. If it was not for my relationship with Christ I would probably be in a similar situation.

Without going into details I can tell you I know what it feels like to be beat down over and over again.

I get through each day only by the grace of God.
 
Wow. This post hit me hard. I've been struggling with depression since my early teens. I suppose it started with my father, who loved me dearly and I him, but who's idea of discipline would today be considered abusive. He was born in 1916, and was a decorated WWII combat veteran. Lets just say he had his demons and was a bit of a hardass. I dealt with depression and low self-esteem as a result of the constant verbal and physical assault. I still deal with it. When I lost my job a few years back, it left me extremely depressed. I too struggled to find any motivation to carry on. The one thing that carried me through was my devotion to my 2 sons. I love them more than life itself and I knew I had to be there for them. I also have a great wife who has been there for me in every way. While I am not a particularly religious person(I don't go to church) I do have my faith in our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He provides me solace in difficult times. I commend u for being brave enough to address an issue that I'm sure many ppl deal with but are too ashamed to admit. I hope u find the fire!
 
Im not entirely sure where to start on this.

Sadly, I myself have been through this same situation multiple times and I have the scars both mentally and physically to show it.

For me, it took a few years to really get past my feeling of being lost, confused, hopeless etc. I was never suicidal however I did "harm" in ways that I regret now tremendously.

Personally, what helped to pull me out was music and writing. I found that no matter what was going on or how low I was feeling, I was able to at least help a tiny bit by writing a poem, a song, even just a letter/note to anything or anyone helped to release a little bit of that feeling.

I would write to my own feelings sometimes asking why they were affecting me, why they wouldnt stop bringing me down. Slowly, I started to realize that no only were the words I was writting slowly getting more positive but I was starting to feel better.

I would carry a little personal notepad and pen anywhere I went and anytime I started to get even slightly down or something was bothering me, I would write about it.
For whatever reason, it would help even to just write things like "No body understands me or even cares" because then, later on, I could go back after the fact and I would try to change my negative to a positive. I would leave a blank space under it to write something that proved that it wasnt true like "This guy actually stoped and let me merge into traffic rather than cut me off. He doesnt know me but he cares a little at least". That to 99.999% of people would mean absolutly nothing. A guy let you into traffic. Big whoop. But for me, it was a positive thing in a very negative world I was in.

My writings now are more focused on my music and I still write songs about being down and depressed. It never really goes away tbh but what happenes is that you learn to realize that its not the truth or reality of things. That there are things worth pushing forward towards, that there is a reason to get up in the morning and start a new day with an attitude that today is going to be great.

Im not saying that writing will work for you but it might. I think the key is to find something, anything, constructive to help your mind from sitting idle and mulling over nothings. The key is to find the right thing that will work for you. For me, it was writing. For you it might be learning magic, taking pictures, writing........ Once you find that something that helps even in the slightest bit to keep you from thinking about everything wrong or depressing, it will continue to build and blossom until thinking about doing that thing pushes aside any thought of sadness or emptyness.

If you ever wanna talk or want more input on my situation or feelings etc etc, feel free to pm me anytime. I am always willing to talk anytime to someone who needs a listening ear. Maybe this is your "thing". To just get your feelings out and talk to people. Anytime your feeling down or something is bothering you, just get on here and talk. I know that nobody will judge or demean you for that and if it helps just to read what other people are saying, its a start.
 
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I appreciate the responses guys, I've tried medication, I actually recently got off the medication some months ago for a few different reasons. But basically I've been feeling the same even on the medication for quite a while now, and being "clean" hasn't really improved or made my current state worse (I of course talked with my psychiatrist before working off them). I have tried therapy and it helps a little for the cathartic experience, but its been hard to find a therapist I really can feel comfortable with.

To be honest a lot of times the forum helps distract me as does working on cars, but a large section of stress and "crap" has been steadily increasing from my current job at the dealership. I've been thinking about getting a new line of work, but its easier said than done for a lot of reasons. A lot of the things that used to bring me joy or at least entertain me have steadily lost their shine and I find it increasingly difficult to be amused for more than a few minutes. I have steadily become mostly a hermit because I rarely have the energy to do much more than go to work and come back...

I think in a way its sad how the US as a whole tends to have a poor track record for helping those with mental illness, but its nice to see people who are also afflicted to be able to support each other and I appreciate the responses.
 
BlackWorksInc said:
I'm not entirely sure how to start this thread, this is one of many attempts to actually write up a thread like this (the last step of submitting it seems to prove the most difficult part.) Pretty much no one on this forum save for a couple of people who briefly spoke with me on a trail ride or meet, know me beyond my technical posts and attempts to help members with their vehicles. I'm not entirely sure how much I feel comfortable divulging, so here goes...

I have Severe Clinical Depression and Asperger's Syndrome.

I'm not a stranger to adversity, its been the staple of my life and it will continue to be until I die. I've always managed to somehow survive through most anything, but these past couple of years have hit me harder than most and have proven subsequently more difficult to recover from. It doesn't help that I've basically been beaten down and continued to be kicked while I'm down these past couple of years, for the most part I've just basically been more or less stagnant. I find it more and more difficult to find motivation in anything, honestly I genuinely feel like I have little will to continue living. Not to say I'm suicidal, but I just don't feel like I have the drive to keep trying to live my life if that makes any sense. I find my self more and more struggling with apathy to the point that it tamps out most any other emotion, I end up struggling to wake up in the morning vs. just remaining unconscious. I'm just at a point now where it honestly feels like I should just give up and accept that it'll always get worse and that's just how it is?

I'm not really looking for heartfelt sympathy, hugs, or anything like that to be honest with you; I'm just sort of curious how some of my fellow members continue to find the desire to live their life in the face of such hopelessness. I am sure there are others out there like me that struggle with Depression and other disorders and find themselves in the same difficulty I am in now; so I'm opening the floor to you... I'm not entirely sure what I am looking for in this thread, but maybe it'll at the very least help someone else out?
Click to expand...

https://www.facebook.com/pushintolife?hc_location=stream
also,
A Way To See It All | pushing through life with eyes wide open

if you have some time to read.
that is my girls page. she has suffered depression for a long time, and is slowly changing her life. its an amazing thing to watch it happen.

there isn't a lot there that directly addresses the depression, but most of the things she talks about are connected.


good on you for even coming on here and saying something.
 
BlackWorksInc said:
I appreciate the responses guys, I've tried medication, I actually recently got off the medication some months ago for a few different reasons. But basically I've been feeling the same even on the medication for quite a while now, and being "clean" hasn't really improved or made my current state worse (I of course talked with my psychiatrist before working off them). I have tried therapy and it helps a little for the cathartic experience, but its been hard to find a therapist I really can feel comfortable with.

To be honest a lot of times the forum helps distract me as does working on cars, but a large section of stress and "crap" has been steadily increasing from my current job at the dealership. I've been thinking about getting a new line of work, but its easier said than done for a lot of reasons. A lot of the things that used to bring me joy or at least entertain me have steadily lost their shine and I find it increasingly difficult to be amused for more than a few minutes. I have steadily become mostly a hermit because I rarely have the energy to do much more than go to work and come back...

I think in a way its sad how the US as a whole tends to have a poor track record for helping those with mental illness, but its nice to see people who are also afflicted to be able to support each other and I appreciate the responses.
Click to expand...

I edited my first post because initially I had said I too felt the same way, when I worked as a Master Tech on consumer cars. It was intended to make you laugh, but I didn't want you to get the wrong idea, so I edited that part out. Reading your statement in bold, it seems we shared a similar causal effect.

I was dealing with a dishonest management, that in turn expected me to be dishonest, if I wanted to succeed.

I got out and started my own unrelated business. It was definitely NOT easy. For a few years I ate antacid tablets as if they were candy. A duodenal ulcer later, I realized I was worrying excessively about things I couldn't control. From that point on, I felt less stressed, and was able to enjoy life more.

The work I do now, is something I do mostly because I enjoy it. Plus I get my adrenaline fix from it too.

If I'm not at work, I have my own therapy in the form of a really fast motorcycle. :)

So my advice is to find something you enjoy doing.
 
The fact that your willing to volunteer this info is a good sign. It shows that you're not in denial. I was dianosed w/ depression about 4 years ago. At that time, things were bad and I wasn't really planning on being around for too much longer. Then...my wife got pregnant and it totally caught us off guard. My son is now 2 and I can honestly say that he saved my life. I'm not gonna sit hear and tell you to have a kid. Hell, you may already have children. However, finding things to do to keep you busy definitely help to take the mind off of negatives. Everyones circumstance is different though.

Do I still have depression? Yes I do. I'm much better now than opposed to 4 years ago, but it's still there. My son keeps me busy and I have lots of hobbies. I've also gotten pretty good at telling myself that no matter how bad I feel that things are for me there is always someone else that's got it worse.

Good luck to you
 
Wow. Really brave of you guys to come out and say all this stuff. I commend it and I wish you the best of luck in coping with it.
[MENTION=66389]BlackWorksInc[/MENTION] - if you don't like work, what about going back to school? From the nature of your posts, which are not only technically apt, but also always well articulated without being verbose, I think you'd do great. WHat about going for mechanical engineering or something? It would be a huge distraction and could open up a ton of other avenues for work.
 
Find somebody to help with something. Tutor a child, help at church, volunteer at a shelter. Having a reason to do something is what it is all about. Toys and money are useless. Family, friends and having someone that depends on you that you can help is what life is about. Ask me how I know...

EDIT: Oh, and start exercising. Do something that releases the good chemicals in your brain. I mountain bike. A lot. Amazing how it helps.
 
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Since I spend a good deal of time browsing reddit, my first thought was "i wonder if there is a thread for this" and it turns out there is.

Not trying to steer you away from T4R for this one topic but here is the section.


Code: 
http://www.reddit.com/r/depression

/r/depression is a place of peer support and a non-judgmental environment. While we encourage our members to discuss what’s worked for them, please refrain from diagnosing others or advocating specific treatments. Courses of treatment and diagnosis needs to be discussed with a medical professional.
Click to expand...


I'm sorry to hear about your ongoing medical issue. I have never suffered depression but I've known a few people who are at a minimum borderline depressed. I have also read a good deal online, various articles and such. There was an entire This American Life attributed to how the US handles depression and how different it is (yet without superior results) than many other parts of the world.

I also read that strict routine diet & exercise can be EQUALLY as effective as medication for most depressed people.

Good luck with your struggle.
 
Life is a hard thing. That is one of a million reasons why I choose to believe in God. I know there some (or many) these days that don't believe, and I can't say that pursuing God, reading the bible, going to church etc... is going to make you feel one lick better. But I am pretty confident in saying, it can't hurt.

Life can seem pointless at times. But if you can reconcile that someone made this universe and caused you to come into being then purpose will follow.

I am no doctor, but I understand how fragile our bodies and especially our minds are. It doesn't take much for us to get derailed. Lot's of cool people on here are puling for you. And they are also right about exercise and also getting outside. Being outside, away from your computer. Taking in nature and all its glory does wonderous things. I haven't looked where you live, but I am guessing you have a 4runner.

Throw that thing into 4WD and go somewhere, every week. Recharge. And check out Jesus Christ man. He's really cool. He has blessed me beyond measure, and it would be a true sadness for me to not share that with you.

Last thing. Even though I am a firm believer, I never pray. But I am going to pray for you. As much as I can. I Promise.
 
I would second what 1engineer said in that exercising can have amazing health benefits not just physically but more so mentally. Team up with a friend to hold each other accountable and develop an exercise program. Maybe its lifting weights, riding bike, or just as simple as taking walks.

I carry a note in my billfold that my wife gave to me that says "Dear Lord, help me to remember that nothing is going to happen today that You and I can't handle together."
 
Nothing in life worth having comes easy.

That being said I'll third exercise. I broke my hand recently and couldnt lift for a few months and it's amazing how much better I feel even after just a few days back in the gym.
 
since were getting into the holiday season, ever seen the movie "its a wonderful life" ? the underlying message in that movie thats always spoken to me (especially when i dealt with something very similar to what you are) is that your life means a hell of a lot more than you might think it does, and you are very possibly the reason someone gets up every morning. i could be shooting into the dark here, but that idea always helped me when i was feeling low.

if you haven't seen it...
It's a Wonderful Life (1946) - IMDb
 
Sorry to hear you're struggling with things. But know that you're not alone and that people do care- I think this thread is proof of that. People here have offered some really solid things to help you cope, but if I could offer any advice it would be that you talk with a professional counselor//therapist.

It's a shame that mental health issues have carried a stigma for years and it causes some people (I'm not saying you, just speaking generally...) to be afraid to seek help. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness. Actually, it's the opposite- It's a sign that you are strong enough to admit there's something wrong and you need help in figuring it out.

Please, talk to someone. I'm not saying it will "cure" you, but it certainly can't hurt to get things off your chest and learn some coping tools that can help you.

I personally haven't had depression issues, but I watched my oldest son struggle in HS due to being bullied, feeling alone and not accepted and it was the most painful things I've ever gone through in my life. To see him suffer and know that I couldn't take his pain away. I really wanted to do very bad things to the people that caused him pain. But of course I knew that wasn't possible and what good what it have done for him.

But going to counseling really helped him cope and deal and he's going much better now.

As for others who have shared here, I commend you for sharing. It's never easy to admit anything that could be a sign of weakness, especially for men. But again, it's not a sign of weakness. It takes someone brave to admit and open up about things. So, if anyone is feeling overwhelmed with life, please talk to a professional. For some, you may have programs through your work, like EAP- Employee Assistance Program. I've helped my employees get help in the past through the program and it helped them.

I guess what I'm trying to say is you don't have to do this alone.

I wish everyone luck and if anyone ever wants to talk- I'm willing to listen...

Will
 
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