Thank you for sharing your personal story. Those of you who have shared definitely add balance to a thread like this.
I am curious though about how drugs could have a long term affect on the brain as you imply, changing it permanently or helping it to permanently heal itself.
I (not a doctor) had thought from my casual readings that physch medications did not work that way. I thought that once a person, any person stopped taking them the issues came back. This is not to say that I'm advocating for drugs vs non-drugs but just that I was let to believe they don't have long term permanent effects on the brain as you describe.
the body is an amazing machine, very very complex, and always adapting... think of our brain as a cars ECU, say like in our 4runners for example, while the ECU has some parameters built into it(call them natural instincts) they system will adjust to conditions, like if you always drive with a heavy foot, your ECU will learn your driving style and change slightly... well thats an outside stimulus that has changed things in the brain... some times things need to be reset and and given a renewed parameter... so we go and reset the ECU(think of that as the meds) and we drive it conservatively or normal for a while and the car will learn that once again and function that way... i know this is a bad analogy but i hope you get the point.
meds are not always a lifetime deal. the brain will recognize signals the rest of the body and other parts of the brain are experiencing and sending. i was not happy with the way i was both feeling and acting, even though i seamed to have no control over it -i had been on countless other meds(some helped a little but it was short lived, others made things worse), and been to various other psychs, been to numerous counselors ect. it simply was not working. i will agree that it takes the right combo of someone else who truly cares about you and also has the knowledge of whats going on to help as well your wanting to change, so not every psych or therapist is gonna be able to work magic... it sucks some people i just didnt like, within 10-20 of talking to them i knew it was gonna be a waste of time, something about them just rubbed me the wrong way and it was over. -who knows maybe it was how they presented themselves(body language), or something they said(innocent enough as it may be) or maybe is was the color of their office idk but what ever it was it wasnt working for me.
again back to meds, sorry, from what i was told as they tried to brake it down into laymen terms, basically my brain had these patterns or paths for electrical current(all brains have electrical current, its how the signals are passed/sent) that were off or bad, and those when triggered would go off and yeah then all hell would break lose... so (and i dont fully understand or know how this part works other than it does) the meds were introduced(and im not gonna tell you what ones for two reasons, 1, every person is different, what worked for me might not work for you, and 2, i dont even remember the name of the meds lol) they would block those "bab" paths, and the longer those paths were blocked and not used the more the brain was able to repair itself and fix/right itself, blocking off those paths so that the signal would not longer pass through that way anymore. -like how in the woods if you go off trail, pretty soon there will be a path there and it will look like the real road instead of the true road, and then everyone will start to take it. well if you leave it and dont do anything to fix it, pretty soon that will be the road that everyone has to take as the old road will be no more. and without help it probably wont ever change back. so someone steps in, blocks off the new road(meds) and redirects everyone back to the old road, while letting the "new" road -the one that was off trail, get back to normal and allowing it to grow back up and cover the mistake... then a while later that person comes back and removes the block-off and no one is the wiser about the off trail. -see that block off was not permanent it was just there long enough to prevent any further damage or and to brake the habit/cycle of bad behavior.
once that has happened and the body and brain sees that and likes the way it is feeling and handling now it will learn that and program that into its way overwriting the old. after a while you slowly remove the meds and watch and see how things are going... for me it was great, i have no desire to flip out over stupid stuff, yeah i still made mistakes, still got into trouble(all kids do) but my reaction to those all changed. i didnt disrespect my parents to the degree i was, and was not self destructive anymore. i had a new outlook on life, things were looking up for me. sure i still had challenges, all kids and people do
im not saying the Amen clinic is the end-all be-all of clinics but they are damn good and worth a shot in my mind. i think a lot of people get the misguided idea that you will need to be on meds the rest of your life, and if you dont take your meds your gonna be a whack job until you get back on them. in my mind, and from what i know, that to me is a sign of ether co-dependency, or the wrong meds. -now the older one is, probably the longer they are gonna have to be on meds, i was like 15 or so when i was on the meds, so who knows maybe someone in their 30s would need to be on meds for 24-36 months idk im not a doc i dont study this stuff ect so thats just simple peasant thinking math. what is right for you only you and your doc will know. and im not trying to say the OP needs meds, cause thats not my call. maybe his is something that is as simple as a new hobby or getting out in the fresh air more ect. idk the Amen clinic though, does not just deal with meds, they have people to talk to as well therapists and counselors that can just talk things out and listen and give input if needed.