What kind of driving? Highway, city streets, and how fast? How long? Are their hills? Lots of stop and go?(maybe I missed this in the first post).
This is one of those things that is hard to advise, because "patchy" and your commute is something that only you are experiencing, so only general advice can be given. Really, experience with 4wd's goes a long way.
In 2wd, with all of these traction gimmicks the 4r has, you should be just fine on patchy roads. If you have to stop on some slippery stuff, and you start to go and get some slipping, then just throw in 4h and go, then jsut throw it back in 2wd.
If the road has a lot of patchy parts, like 3/4 or so, then you probably be fine in 4h. Again, it is hard for someone to specifically advise without actually seeing what you are talking about, and actually being there to get the "feel" of the road.
Your tires are your best friend, get a set of snow tires for your 4r. Usually though, people get the "feel" for their car after a while, and know what needs to be done, whether it is throttle response, braking, 4h, 2wd, etc.