I'm still confused about this speed & road condition stuff. It was news to me until recently that there was a recommended "speed limit" for H4 usage.
I quickly peeked at my owner's manual and this is the info that is listed in mine:
I have yet to find somewhere in the Owner's manual that states it is not recommended to go over 55MPH in 4WD.
Hitting the 4WD button simply engages the half shaft from your tranny to the front differential and feeds power to your CV axles, so technically speaking the top 4HI speed is probably the same as 2HI(I dont think I would ever suggest testing that). Most of the drive components are spinning whether you are in 2WD or 4HI, so they are obviously built to handle highway speeds.
I've driven snow packed interstate on a nearly daily basis, six months a year, for 14 years now, nearly always in 4HI, usually between 50 and 60 mph when conditions allow. Both mechanics and dealers have told me that the 55mph speed cap on 4x4 is typically a good rule to follow with much older vehicles(think locking hubcaps) but not required on modern drivelines.
If anyone better versed in 3rd gen mech specifics could speak up to correct me I'd appreciate it, but I've had zero 4x4 issues after putting hundreds(thousands?) of miles on 4x4 at 'interstate' speeds.
Honestly I would recommend driving in 4HI more often than you might find necessary in the winter simply because rear wheel drive is a much more dangerous drive configuration than front wheel drive in ice and snow. Just like pickup trucks, there is hardly any weight over the rear axle so you are much more likely to accidentally goose the throttle and break the rear loose, fishtail and crash. Engage that front axle and just make your lives easier.
OP, if you are getting vibrations when you engage 4HI, its most likely a balance issue with your 4wd half shaft(maybe you nailed it on a rock summer wheeling?), or your CV axles. Cant speak to issues with front diff or transfer case, never had problems in my experience.
If your 4HI seems to lag a bit before engaging, check/replace fluids in your differentials and transfer case. I did that in my '04 and it engaged and disengaged much faster and smoother. Also, when turning 4HI on and off, its best to do so around 25mph if possible, and make sure your foot is off the gas. Sometimes tapping the break a couple times will do the trick as well.