Just my .2cent$: Get 4x4, because what you'll find with your first SUV, is the growing desire to hit the trails. In my own personal opinion, buying a 2wd SUV is like non-alcoholic beer...sort of defeats the purpose.
Also, Toyota makes spectacular engines throughout, but their V8's are probably the best in the world. When I buy a used car, I buy V8's simply because they barely have to work to get things moving, which translates into much less wear and tear on the engine. BUT, the V8's do have a timing belt that needs to be changed at 90k, which can be a costly service bill "this is also when the water pump gets replaced". If you're mostly city driving though, sitting at lights, stop and go, the V8 gets thirsty. Open road cruising...it's fantasticly quiet, smooth, and just downright great! Will return around 20-22mpgs in that setting. City though...probably 10-13 realistically.
Mine has 70k on it, bought it in August of 07' with 52k, for $20k. It's an SR5, midnight blue, 17 inch wheels, sunroof, cloth interior, perm 4x4, yada yada. All I've done to it is change the differential fluids to Mobile 1 synthetics, put new spark plugs in "didn't need it, but I'm a freak", replaced the front rotors and pads, back pads "did this last weekend", and had the front bumper replaced due to hitting a deer last year at 40mph. All the deer did was slightly crack the bumper, that's it. The BEST thing I did however was buy a Bissell Little Green fabric cleaner machine, and cleaned the seats and carpets. The dirty water looked like hot chocolate, it was that dirty. Didn't "look" dirty, but apparently it was. Now, it looks like new and feels like new inside.
I did a full claybar, 2 coats of polish, 2 coats of wax "all maquires" a few months ago. Even when it's dirty, it still shines. That made a huge difference to the appearance and the maintenence of the paint...HUGE.