Your situation is quite similar to mine, except for the distance you had to tow and the weight you towed. That BMW weighs 3200lbs, and that trailer is probably close to 2000lbs.
My weights per the local public scale were #3100 for the car and #1800 for the trailer, so just under the manual's stated max of #5000.
I'll be towing right around 4000lbs car and trailer combined. Distance traveled, one track is 70 miles away, the other is 140 miles away, I'd be making at the most 6-7 trips a year.
I didn't see what part of the country you're in, but unless there are significant elevation changes involved, I wouldn't bat an eye towing that load that distance with the 'Runner. Besides the nearly 3,000 mile trip I linked to in my thread, I more recently did a 500-mile round-trip tow to Charlotte and back, the only difference being that my wife and kids were with me this time. Piece of cake. You have to drive a little differently, be more aware, look ahead, give yourself more time to stop and get going, etc. But at no point did I feel unsafe, or like I couldn't keep up with traffic (obviously not in the fast lane).
And it looks like you used a WDH setup, did you install a different hitch on the 4runner? From my understanding the factory hitch is not to be used with a WDH configuration since the factory hitch is attached to the cross member and not directly to the frame.
This is oft-repeated, and I think it actually comes from the 4th-Gen T4R owner's manual. The 5th-Gen manual doesn't contain the same warning, in fact the US version doesn't mention WDH's at all. However, the Canadian version does, and it says it's okay, so long as you don't redistribute too much weight back onto the front axle (in other words, the manual suggests that you use your WDH correctly):
I also contacted Toyota directly, to see if using a WDH would increase my allowable tongue weight (some manufacturers give two max values - one with a standard hitch, and a higher number with a WDH). They said, no, the tongue weight was the same (interestingly, they quoted me #550) either way - however, they did
not say not to use a WDH.
I couldn't imagine towing maxed out as I was without a WDH, and air bags are a nice plus, too. Honestly, I feel like I had a whole host of incremental improvements that made my tow a success (in addition to previously mentioned WDH and air bags: LT tires on truck, lightest trailer I could find, low center of gravity of load, torsion axles on trailer, ST tires on trailer, Tekonsha brake controller, etc.).
How is the cooler installed in your 4runner, before or after the radiator, or just completely bypassing the radiator?
The cooler is inline with the radiator; I believe it is
after the radiator. I had the work done at a shop, and although I inspected it afterwards, I honestly don't remember the exact arrangement. I don't really see how it makes a difference, though, or why you would bypass the radiator. Like I said before, if the coolant is not up to temp, it will simply be returned to the transmission without being routed through the cooler.