I really need girlfriend help.

[Shawn5800]

I'm coming to you all for serious advice. I have been with my girlfriend 4 years now, Since sophomore year of hs. We have been living together two years. Before we moved into our new apartment she decided she didn't like her job and she quit. Knowing that I don't make a surplus of money every month, that pissed me off. Three months later she is still unemployed. Barely looks for jobs, her biggest job search efforts are browsing the net while watching tv.

Up until I blasted her, I was coming home to no dinner, mess of a house, and her whining that she didn't feel good or shes so tired. She is twenty years old and sleeps until 2 in the afternoon. I come home everyday and ask her what she did and she either gets pissed or whines. I'm working six days a week, paying her bills, taking her to dinner,movies, outdoors you name it. I fill her tank because she refuses to pump her own gas.

What am I doing to myself here? I work sixty hours a week, come home and work on school work for engineering and do it all over again with little gripe! Guys at work tell me I'm to grown up for her. Im the type to hold a lot of anger in until I explode . I love her but she does not have the do it and get it done attitude like me. help.

 

[4-Ripcord]

To put it bluntly, kick that goldigger to the curb. She clearly doesn't care about anything but taking advantage of you.

 

[Shawn5800]

it sucks to say but I think your right. Worst of all, she is getting fat and doesn't care about at all. I used to be a gym buff. now I don't have the drive to do anything but apartment dwell.

I think being single will help me focus on saving my money and a down payment on a home. plus, my workplace is a haven for lovely women.

 

[4-Ripcord]

I'm an engineering student too, working about 25hours a week. I couldn't imagine working much more than that in addition to all my school work.

Being in a relationship is a give and take thing, especially when you live together. But, its not supposed to be just one of those.

 

[Burt]

Well, I'm no relationship expert but by your discription it sounds like she is in a prolonged period of depression. Not good for anyone. Get her out of the house to do anything she enjoys. Perhaps a hobby, then an interest of her's will be exposed. Maybe that interest could turn into a carreer goal. Going back to school would be great. Hope it works out for her. Much patience on your part will be required during this time period of recovery.

 

[quicksilvr]

^what Burt said might have some truth to it. I didn't use to believe in the whole depression thing, I just thought people needed to suck it up. But my wife is a school counselor...and I've learned a little bit.


That said, even if she is depressed it doesn't change the fact that you are two pretty different people at the core. You get it done. Don't whine. Like to stay busy. Like stuff kept up and in order.

She's none of those things. And even if she gets past her depression (if she even is depressed) you're going to fight that core difference for your entire relationship.

You're young. At this point, I would heartily say as well: Disregard females. Aquire currency.



PS. I'm happily married (6 years), with two kids, and been with my wife since HS as well. If I had to do it over, I'd have tried to stay single longer. And then hoped to still meet my current wife somehow. lol

 

[sprchrgd_4x4runner]

My exwife was exactly the same, everything was great till she quit her job then it went straight downhill from there. she supposedly enrolled to school and went 3 hours a day and said she couldn't work didnt even bother looking for a part time I was working my ass off for her to be chilling at the house, again like op no dinner or lunch for work, no laundry no cleaning the house and waking up at 2 pm or coming home from school and sleeping all day only went to school 3 days a week. It was hell so I divorced her. Never been happier now that im single I get **** done and actually have money left to buy stuff for my truck.


Edit: obviously before the whole divorce thing we tried counseling, talking about the issue and everything possible she did suffer from deppression big time and took her meds but she still didnt believe in help now she lives with her parents doing same thing she did at my house, absolutly nothing.

Best thing you can do is talk and try to fix it, if it doesnt work then get medical help like a shrink and go from there, deppression is real amd very serious.

 

[combatmedic]

I've been there too man, Im a bit older than you 28, but I was with a girl for a few years that didnt do **** all day and it drove me nuts. No ambitions, nothing. Then I met my wife and she's like me, a go getter, etc and life is great. She actually makes more than I do MY shuga mama. =D


Kick her to the curb man. Support yourself for a while, and put some cash away, then when you're ready, financially and mentally, go looking for a girl thats ON YOUR LEVEL.

 

[BucknutBob]

Whether she's depressed or not, she's killing you, friend. You are WAY too young to be dealing with this sort of thing. Someone like that is going to wreck your life if you don't get her out of yours. With what you've described, there is NO need to think this over--if you don't break this off, YOU will be the one getting couseling for depression, and will be throwing away the best part of your life. Stay available as a friend, if you like, but save yourself for someone who actually gives a crap about YOUR well-being.

 

[sooner02r1]

sounds like your woman has turned into a certified bum. you're not even married yet, it will get worse if you marry her. if she will gain weight while dating, get ready to be married to shamu. I say you should find another woman, the sooner the better, let her eat ho-ho's on somebody else's couch.

 

[Stockwell45]

Whatever happens, don't let her see this thread. You may come home from work to a raging hell if that happens.

 

[4-Ripcord]

Whatever happens, don't let her see this thread. You may come home from work to a raging hell if that happens.

OR... He may come home to a home cooked meal and an apology..

I vote let her see it!

 

[BrianSD_42]

Dude you need to kick her ass to the curb.

20 yrs, sleeps all day, getting fat, lives off you ... F-that man.

There are so many girls in college and you are your prime!

Be sure to research your local laws but there are several steps you can take right now.

1) cancel the cable TV, like tomorrow - this will help get her ass out

2) when the time is right, like on a Friday night with no test on monday break up with her

3) Give your landlord notice of intent to vacate. You will need to man up here and move out. Don't try to kick her out unless you know it will work.
Tell her she can keep the place (& the bills).

4) ABSOLUTELY do not trust her birth control from this point on. She may already suspect you are not happy and do something crazy like accident forget to take the pill ect. Condoms only or better yet just break up ....


They say the grass always looks greener on the other side but in college it usually is.


Also I don't care what anyone else tells you, you are not responsible for her depression and you certainly don't want to get further into a relationship with someone who is SO different from you. Get out now.


:guitar2:

 

[Stockwell45]

OR... He may come home to a home cooked meal and an apology..

I vote let her see it!

Ehh...after calling her fat, lazy and useless...I highly doubt that. Maybe his possessions home cooked on the front porch, but that's about all the cooking he's gonna get.

 

[4-Ripcord]

No matter what happens, OP needs to GTFO of this situation.

 

[tbst]

Your 20 with no kids. Not 40 with so kids. That's the best part of not filling em up, you have no attachments and can leave when you want to. Like right now.

As far as being a gold digger, a gold digger only takes when there is something to be taken. A dumb ***** takes when there is nothing to take.

The least she could do is some palates when you're not home.

Take her out with the garbage.

 

[Clone of the Mean]

Remember, women are like the bus, a new one comes along every 20 minutes. However your Runner isn't like a bus, treat it like a girlfriend.

 

[Shawn5800]

Man I can't even tell you all how much I appreciate the advice. its just going to be tough to tell her. I literally own every piece of furniture and electronic. Basically stripping her down to a bed and clothes.

I just don't understand how she can treated so well yet treat me like ****. Guess dad was right from year one.

 

[combatmedic]

DONT (for the love of god) GET HER PREGNANT my friend. Then you're stuck like chuck.

 

[emelianenkov]

Man I can't even tell you all how much I appreciate the advice. its just going to be tough to tell her. I literally own every piece of furniture and electronic. Basically stripping her down to a bed and clothes.

I just don't understand how she can treated so well yet treat me like ****. Guess dad was right from year one.

Don't feel bad for taking what is rightfully yours, hell, she's been doing it for years! It's a horrible predicament, but don't subject yourself to this crap to make HER happy, because we all know she isn't doing anything to make you happy.

Good luck, and I hope all works out for you in the long run my friend!