I really need girlfriend help.

It sucks, but I agree with the majority in here. You need to improve YOUR situation, and that isn't possible as long as she is in your life (in her current state). When the plane is going down, put your airmask on BEFORE helping others with theirs. Depressed, jobless, & gaining weight at 20 doesn't bode well for the future...
 
Life's too short for this suckubus. Do NOT knock her up, protect your valuables and get out while you still can!
 
Pretty much everyone else has already said it, but save yourself while you can. There is no need to be mean to her or try to break her heart, but I think you need to lay it out there for her in a way she can understand. You are at different points in your life now than you were when you met and you're definitely heading in vastly different directions.

You are still very young, and I commend you for trying to do what you think is right, but relationships can really drain your life force if they are not healthy and this relationship is not healthy. Regardless of all the good times you've had in the past, you have to put those behind you and do your best to move forward. It is tough and will hurt for a little while, but you'll be better off in the long run.

My advice would be to pack her things up when she is not there and then collect your key from her when she returns so she can't get in. Notify your landlord that she is no longer a resident so she can't get a key from them and move on with your life. This may seem cold and cruel, but you can't sugar coat things like this, otherwise she'll eat that too...

Good Luck
 
Time to bail my friend. My wife and I had an agreement, either she works and we split household duties, or she doesn't work and I don't lift a finger. She figured it was better to go to work rather than being stuck at home all day. I am happy with that, because that means we both get to eat better food and spend more time enjoying each other.

This girl sounds like what my dad would refer to as a "sponge" She will suck you dry and then move on to the next thing. I dated a girl that made good money but still lived with her mom. Rather than live on her own and be frugal, she just decided to leach off her mom and go out to eat every night rather than be smart with her money. I dropped her like a bad habit after about 3 months. The last straw was when she finally got her own place then told me I had to sleep on the couch when I stayed over!

It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, so take the advice of everyone else here and get out while you have a chance. Sometimes the only thing that will wake a person up like that is seeing everything they take for granted taken away!
 
One thing I've noticed with dating is that at a young age, you tend to stick with people citing reasons why the relationship will work and ignoring obvious reason why it won't. I'm sure she has great qualities, but that's not going to overcome this situation. There are tons of people out there. Don't settle.

Find someone with some drive and who drives you.
 
sorry to hear about all this. and i agree totally with everyone else's responses! you can't change anyone, they have to want to change, the only change you can control is your own! and good grief your only 20 and dealing with this BS?!?! :nono:
snip it in the a$$ and move on....better your future! she's gonna pull you down right with her. your happiness is up to YOU my friend!
good luck and let us know how it goes.
 
My advice would be to pack her things up when she is not there and then collect your key from her when she returns so she can't get in. Notify your landlord that she is no longer a resident so she can't get a key from them and move on with your life.
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Sorry Dusty but this is bad advice.

Break up with her but dont do this. For one thing it is definitely illegal (at least in CA & NY), and secondly it is morally wrong and very disrespectful.

She wasnt cheating guys! Give her a chance to accept like an adult and move on.

I dont know if you are both on the lease but i suggest you look up your local housing laws.

Good luck.
 
Brian,
I'll respectfully disagree. But you know what they say about opinions...

I am not suggesting that you do anything illegal. If you are both on the lease , then you're better off discussing this with your landlord prior to leaving her. These situations can be tricky and you don't want any added aggravation, you've got enough as it is.
 
it is just that in CA & NY (and a lot of other states), there are laws for when and how you can kick out a cohabitant, independant of any lease agreement. The laws are designed to prevent exactly what you described from occuring.

I dont know where you live but your local state housing authority's website will have the details.

The danger for OP is if he follows your advice, treats her like Shzt, puts her stuff in a box and then finds out he cant kick her out for 30 days or whatever. She will then hate him and still live with him.

All of this is independent of the idea that he should not entirely burn his bridges to the ground. I dont see what is gained by having her and all her friends hate him. Hell a few of them might be available if the breakup is amicable.

Just saying folks ...
 
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OP in two weeks

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Or I also liked this one.


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I have a saying I love to use. "Get your own life together, then find someone to share it with." It sounds like she doesn't have the same goals, motivation, or willingness to do anything with herself. There are ALWAYS opportunities for those willing to take them, I can't believe she'd expect you to do everything while she does NOTHING. For all you know, she's seeing someone else while you're busy working 60 hrs a week. (I'm not saying she is.) Anyway, it's time to kick her to the curb, get your college degree done, and once you have your house in order - the right woman, will find you. Trust me on this.
 
Give her some degree to measure progressive responsibility; like cook meals, clean and so forth that you feel important.

Then you can see whether she continues to get better, or becomes very pissed that you are provoking her to get a job, etc. A "come to Jesus" meeting may be in order where you have to leave. As Rip said, all relationships are a two way street. When they are not, no matter what, it is time to find another street to drive.

My sis got depressed after she lost her job in 08 and for six months did little of anything. It drove my brother-in-law nuts. She finally began exercising, began to volunteer at the local hospital, and then within a month afterwards or close to it, the hospital hired her for a $25+hr job. Everything is good with she and the family now.
 
brianemc2_42 said:
it is just that in CA & NY (and a lot of other states), there are laws for when and how you can kick out a cohabitant, independant of any lease agreement. The laws are designed to prevent exactly what you described from occuring.

I dont know where you live but your local state housing authority's website will have the details.

The danger for OP is if he follows your advice, treats her like Shzt, puts her stuff in a box and then finds out he cant kick her out for 30 days or whatever. She will then hate him and still live with him.
Click to expand...

Brian is right. In most states you have to evict even squatters. Regardless of if she is on the lease, if she considers that address her domicile address and has a means to prove it, then she has the same legal rights as the leaseholder.

This has been done for many reasons, and extended so far as squatters for the same reasons, to protect the people with the lower hand in things, like in this situation.

Just ask her when she can move out. If she REFUSES to move out, go stay with a buddy (bring all your stuff if you can) and file eviction papers against her, worst case scenario.

I have a feeling she will just leave.
 

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VA4runnerchic said:
sorry to hear about all this. and i agree totally with everyone else's responses! you can't change anyone, they have to want to change, the only change you can control is your own! and good grief your only 20 and dealing with this BS?!?! :nono:
snip it in the a$$ and move on....better your future! she's gonna pull you down right with her. your happiness is up to YOU my friend!
good luck and let us know how it goes.
Click to expand...

Yup, cut your losses now my friend.
 
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