I really need girlfriend help.

No win situation my man! Let's say you try to break up with her, and she gets scared - goes to the gym, starts to cook, etc. things are fine for a while, but as soon as everyone is comfortable with the adjustment, she goes back to the old ways of the couch and the Twinkie, and you find yourself right back here again! Time to lose the baggage IMHO!
 
Dont kick her out, CUT HER OFF.
give her a chance to realize whats up. your not married so tell her if she doesn't get her ass moving and do something that youll kick her out.
man up show some balls and be tough if she loves you she wont be a leach
 
Shawn5800 said:
it sucks to say but I think your right. Worst of all, she is getting fat and doesn't care about at all. I used to be a gym buff. now I don't have the drive to do anything but apartment dwell.

I think being single will help me focus on saving my money and a down payment on a home. plus, my workplace is a haven for lovely women.
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DONE and DONE!

Get her out!
 
Man you need to worry about yourself first! Take care of your own life, plus you're too young to be wasting all your money on someone who doesn't care. Good luck man! I will be checking this thread to see what happens.
 
Here's .02 of mine.

Remember: there is only ONE sure way to prevent pregnancy - I highly suggest you implement immediately. Do not waiver, it's a slippery slope. This would probably be your worst nightmare.

Remember this old/very true saying: "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" ... and THAT young man is fact-on-top-of-fact.

Sounds like you've cohabitated a few years - you could even have a common-law wife on your hands, depending on state.

Proceed carefully with this. Yes you have a slug on your hands, yes you need to cut the cord, but I suggest doing so with care.

Good luck.

Been there ....
 
Been there...done that! Cut her loose...will be the best decision you made. In time, you will find a motivated girl to be with. This type of thing will mess you up, to where you end up almost needing the drama in yoru future gfs. Cut her loose and don;t get sucked into her emotional begging/pleading/anger.
 
Also BTDT, you need to rid yourself of this burden. Im of the mind that a guy shouldnt even think about getting married in his 20's. LTR/common law marriages included.

I was having this problem with my ex wife and happened on a site called nomarriage.com and downloaded a little e book that painted a pic of my life to a T. So I started planning my escape. So here is some advice I learned more or less the hard way. Some of this may seem a bit extreme but I was in a pretty bad situation.

-Does she know you are feeling this way? I let on too early to my ex that I was and I was in constant fear that things would blow up in my face. So if you think it may turn into a big deal, start planning another place, stay with friends, lawyer, etc. That way when you are ready you can move with purpose.

-Dude, dont get her knocked up. This will ruin you, and I wouldnt put it past a woman in a corner so to speak which it sounds like she is. Keep your guard up and remember it only takes one time!

-Do research the laws in your state. You might very have a common law wife (although co habbing for 2 yrs is not likely you will have this issue) which may complicate things but not too much. The time horizon that you have been fully supporting her has been quite short so she wont really have a leg to stand on. Also look up housing/tenant law as to whether you can kick her out of your place. Worst case is you pay to break the lease and get a place she doesnt know about. I did that and took a day off from work and moved all my stuff then waited for her to get home to tell her what I was doing and why.

-You never know what people are capable of until they are in extremis. If you think she might get crazy have a friend or lawyer or even cop present when you tell her its over/pack sand/cant do this anymore. The last thing you want is an allegation of abuse or some bs like that.

You really need to make a choice of whether you want to work it out or be done with it. If you want to work it out then communicate that, but if you want to be done with it act like its a military operation.
 
brianemc2_42 said:
I haven't seen anything from the OP, did we get trolled?
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he took our advise and now he is dead.....R.I.P. OP.....

naw, just kidding, either way this guy just needs to bail, high school girlfriends are a waste of time, i was with mine for 8 years before i got out from that.
And really it was the best thing for both of us, she's a better person for it and i'm happier with my wife then i ever could have been before.
 
Haven't seen anyone else say this so I'll say it...

Shawn5800 said:
Guess dad was right from year one.
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IMHO, this alone says more than just about anything else. Yes, some of us have terrible fathers; and yes, parents can get stuff wrong.

All of that being said, for the MOST part, both moms AND dads can tell a dirtbag boyfriend or a golddigger girlfriend a MILE away. One of the biggest indicators as to whether or not a relationship would work out, was how they got along with my parents, and vice versa.

I'm all for working things out, but as many others have said, she has to be willing to change. After 4 years, if she has shown no desire to do just that, then I'd cut it off (the relationship, that is).
 
Too funny, your looking for advice on something that is clear to the majority, you need to man up, grow a set and put foot down and tell her how it is. I'm surprised it went on for as long as it has. Sad
 
Well, I read every ones input and suggestions. Most of you decided that leaving would be the best thing for me to do. I went to work pissed, came home pissed and went to sleep pissed pondering what i would do. I came home the other day and told her to pack her **** and stay at her moms for a while. She was caught way off guard and asked why. (The funny thing is that we are renting from her brother and i kicked her out!)


I told her," if you think im going to come home to you sitting on your ****ing ass day after day and pretending to find a job you have another thing coming to you. I can close my eyes, spin around and point to a girl at work that will do more for me in a day than you do in a week. Im a motivated guy trying to make best of life while i can, you? You are leaching off me like a tick. Please get out for a few days and give me some time to think about what i want from this. "

She left a few days. I sat at home realizing that i no longer have meals cooked for me, laundry done, dishes done, apt clean and someone to bed down at night with. She really did more than i thought. I am a VERY critical person when it comes to work ethic, my dad was even worse. I guess i definitely learned from him. In the meantime the apartment got pretty trashed. Yea i realize that i contradicted myself from my OP, it was a couple months where she was not doing anything and i snapped her out of that habit, the cooking/ cleaning etc came soon after a blasted her. I was upset at the time of the post lol.

I came home the next day to find her car in the driveway. I went upstairs, found her cooking me dinner, apt clean and a smile on her face. She asked me," now do you see what i do for you? I realize that i need to find a job and i was not trying hard enough. I promise to try harder this time if you give me another chance. If you are still not happy i will leave you and your belongings alone and pack my things and we can part ways. "

I know alot of you will say that i folded but, i saw a real sincere side of her that i have not seen in a while. She has two job interviews next week and a few baby sitting jobs to get some cash flow coming in. Its funny how i am known as the hard ass/ worker at my workplace but a girl can bring me to my knees in a minute. Damn them and their powers.

Guys, I thank you all very much for your kind/severe insight. Whether you know it or not you helped me greatly in my decision. I hope that everything goes well with my relationship because four years love must mean something right?

Thanks again guys.
 
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you're whipped man, haha, j/k if she's willing to work with you and you love her, go for it, just be aware that it's easy to fall back into bad habits and she must stay diligent.

beyond that good luck to the pair of you
 
She is still the same person she was last week.

Enjoy the 2 unplanned kids and overweight unmotivated wife.

Please do a followup post in 3 months.

Sorry for sounding harsh but it is the truth.


Lastly, who gives a sh$t if she cooks and cleans. Her personality is flawed with laziness. Are you not cappable of cooking for yourself and cleaning up for yourself. I live with a roommate and dont need a woman to do any of those things for me. I am with my GF because she has qualities I want in a woman, whole package, not because she is good at chores. Housewifes are fine but you are NOT even married and have not kids. Pretty Ridiculous.
 
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A maid and a healthy relationship aren't the same thing. I can appreciate that she is doing more than you originally thought, but at the same time, you need to find someone that matches your personality, drive, determination, etc. I am also very critical (of everything) and did not really think I would find a person to fit into my life that way until I met my wife.

You seem to be more intelligent than the average early 20s guy so keep in mind that you, and her, will go through a lot of changes over the next few years and could continue to drift apart. As you graduate and go on to looking for a career this fundamental difference in where you are at in your lives will become ever more apparent.

For example, the next step may be buying a house. Will your engineering degree and her part-time babysitting pay the same amount of the bills? Or, will you be stuck in another situation where you are "providing" for her? I am not trying to convince you one way or another because I don't know either of you. But, I suggest you spend a good amount of time thinking to yourself about what you want out of life and your mate and then ask yourself if she fits into your long term plans.

I know breaking up is hard and you never really want to end a long relationship that you have invested so much time in, but if that is the right thing to do then it is the right thing to do. And, you never know, you could take a few years off and she could get herself together and you run into her at some random location and start things back up. You never know. But, do yourself a favor and don't sell yourself short because it is the easy thing to do.
Good Luck
 
I will further ad that I am an engineer. Big deal there are lots on this forum I know but I say this because you are studying engineering.

Depending on your field you could easily break $100k/ yr within 5 years of college.

Now fast forward 10 years, you are making 150k and she is horrible as ever...... Then you give her the speach.

It won't work.

What does she do? She divorces you, takes 50% of everything (since you are main $$) and you owe child support and alimony of several thousand a month.

You basically lost 1/2 of 10 yrs earnings and 1/3 of all future earnings. All because you stuck it out with the wrong woman because you were too afraid to be single. That doesnt even account for the emotional and physical losses. You are young and will soon have money, in 10 years after the divorce, well not so much youth or $$.

She has not changed. She will not change. Human beings (especially significant others) change slowly over years. She is still the same.

The above will be your life. Sorry but the internet has warned you. You did ask.
 
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brianemc2_42 said:
I will further ad that I am an engineer. Big deal there are lots on this forum I know but I say this because you are studying engineering.

Depending on your field you could easily break $100k/ yr within 5 years of college.

Now fast forward 10 years, you are making 150k and she is horrible as ever. Then you give her the speach.

What does she do? She divorces you, takes 50% of everything (since you are main $$) and you owe child support and alimony of several thousand a month.

You basically lost 1/2 of 10 yrs earnings and 1/3 of all future earnings. All because you stuck it out with the wrong woman because you were too afraid to be single. That doesnt even account for the emotional and physical losses. You are young and will soon have money, in 10 years after the divorce, well not so much youth or $$.

She has not changed. She will not change. Human beings (especially significant others) change slowly over years. She is still the same.

The above will be your life. Sorry but the internet has warned you. You did ask.
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you forgot to mention the earnings to hot pu$$y ratio that comes with a good job a few years after college ;-)


listen to this, think about all of the ugly guys with super hot chicks, how does that happen? by having a good job and not getting stuck with some chick you met in high school along the way.

your world is infinitesimal if you stay with her, make that good money, travel, see the world and experience many many chicks along the way, i had a girl in almost every country i've ever been 2 before i met my wife, and it helped me to learn what i really want out of a girl,relationships and life in general.

Basically don't let the fear of being alone for a bit worry you, go out have fun have the random hook ups and live life, **** man your in college, wtf are doing with a gf for anyways? from the sound of it she's nothing special, cooking and cleaning is just what girls do, it's in grained in them to do that, the mere fact you had to get up her ass about it would scare me, personally.
if she's like that in life and cleaning you can only imagine what she'll be like in 10 years, don't be stupid, this is the reason our divorce rate is 50% it's because people just take the easy route and then next thing they know they are married with 2 kids hating life and asking for a divorce , this is what dating is meant to be for , sussing out who your with and how they are going to be in the future, another reason why smart people date for 3-4 years before marrying, gives you a real chance to see what they are like, im not going to lie, i've kept up front for over a year before i got lazy and just didn't feel like it anymore, lol, anyways, be careful, this is the rest of your life your looking at , what's the point of dating for so long unless your going to marry her? just not to be alone?...kinda lame...
 
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