I really need girlfriend help.

Brian, Seeing as you are an engineer you understand that microscopic vision is often the main impediment to responsible action. I constantly bounce ideas around in my head about what could, would and may in fact happen, whether it be at work or home.

Me focusing in on what I believe may happen will cause me to go ****ing ballistic. I have so many things on my mind that i feel as if a nervous breakdown could happen anytime. At this time, i think that the gentlemen in me believes that the responsible action here is to let things pan out over the next couple months. If things dont work out then im done. Its already been made apparent that i was pondering the thought of a breakup so it will not come as a surprise.

I appreciate your insight, i also think that being over critical gets me in trouble somtimes. Which is what you seem to be displaying in your harshly constructive posts.
 
For sure. Well just do a followup in 3 months.

I appreciate your insight, i also think that being over critical gets me in trouble somtimes. Which is what you seem to be displaying in your harshly constructive posts
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Yes, if I knew you in person, friend or family I would not be so blunt. Same thing everyone else on this thread.

But to a stranger from a stranger: Izzardman, myself and others speak the truth. Watch your back! We are speaking from life experience here. I know a lot of guys still in the Navy because of relationships just like this. Several guys i know stayed in and passed up college for very similar reasons.


You already made it to college but THE STORY ENDS THE SAME.


:bat:
 
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Im no stranger to blunt Brian, i appreciate straight forward comments much more than beating around the bush. You and my other fellow posters here may be right. I may break up with her down the road. For my own sanity, i want to know that i tried my best. I never was and never will be a quitter.
 
Shawn5800 said:
Brian, Seeing as you are an engineer you understand that microscopic vision is often the main impediment to responsible action. I constantly bounce ideas around in my head about what could, would and may in fact happen, whether it be at work or home.

Me focusing in on what I believe may happen will cause me to go ****ing ballistic. I have so many things on my mind that i feel as if a nervous breakdown could happen anytime. At this time, i think that the gentlemen in me believes that the responsible action here is to let things pan out over the next couple months. If things dont work out then im done. Its already been made apparent that i was pondering the thought of a breakup so it will not come as a surprise.

I appreciate your insight, i also think that being over critical gets me in trouble somtimes. Which is what you seem to be displaying in your harshly constructive posts.
Click to expand...


we're not being harsh out of spite, but rather of concern man, don;t take this stuff the wrong way, i'm 30, not to far off where you're at but far enough away where i can tell you my friends messed up and the pit falls i saw them fall into, while myself i avoided them.

Just saying that if this has be going on a while and you needed to come here to vent, it's probably for the best you just end it, you have to understand people are who they are you can't change them, esp. things like being a hard worker or attentive or even loving, some people just aren't those things and you either need to accept that or move on, with the mere thought of what you think is going to happen, you become enraged, how do you think your going to feel when it actually happens?

again best of luck and well wishes to the pair of you, but from what I've seen it's either futile, or going to end in heart break buddy.

(disclaimer, your life, this is the internet, make your own choices, but don;t say we didn't warn you)

(disclaimer disclaimer: chicks natures should be to cook and clean like a mans nature should be to fix,repair and protect, both genders have equal roles and a good mate should fill some sort of role in your life by just being them and not being pushed into it. i don't want the ladies getting pissed at me for being a chauvinist here, us men have our jobs we have to fill for you as well, and both jobs being equal, most women don't want a man who doesn't work like men don't want a woman who isn't willing to cook or clean or pick up the slack in some way)
 
Don't let everyone tell you that you did the wrong thing. A lot of guys are saying these things without ever having met her. I was in a similar situation about 3 years ago. I was older than you, but the girl I had been dating lost her job, and got into the same funk that yours did. I thought a few times about ending it, because I felt she was just leeching off of me. I sat her down, explained myself, and told her she needed to make a decision.
3 years later and we're still together. She is in getting her RN now, I'm in grad school, we have a house together, and are getting married next week. So, moral is, it doesn't always end badly. Don't let people tell you that you were wrong.
 
i dont think they are being harsh to be mean, but to get the point across.

im 22, and i just spent the last 11 months (granted thats no years you got on me) with a girl that took my money, and abused it. i took her and her kid in, paid for everything, did all the house work yada yada and it took me forever to see through the blindness (love is blind?) i had. love will do some crazy things and you will ignore everyones opinion if its not what you want to hear (been there, done that) so by being a little more blunt, they are trying to get it through the thick headed wall of "love"

now my dad had to get it through my head, and it took a whole lot. and it sucked for awhile, but lately ive started to realize i have alot more money... im back cruising the forum (oh and how ive missed it)... and over all much more happy without the weight. im concentrating on myself... not on keeping her happy.

whatever you choose, just make sure YOU are happy. now i dont know this girl or how much you love her, and i know its tougher than anything, but at this age, its important to keep yourself happy before stressing to make the woman happy. your hand will always know what you enjoy.
 
I wouldnt say you folded but you werent too strong about it either... give yourself a date in your mind, if she hasn't got herself figured out by then, then I would say you folded if you stick with her.

I told my girl she had one year to figure out her life if she wanted to be with me... and she's hot, and she did it. She wont make the money I make but she makes more then alot of my co-worker's girls. We've been happily together 5 years since
 
Dont let these guys give you ****. If your happy and things get better then it doesnt matter if you were "soft" or "whipped".
 
You have lost the element of surprise, she will likely be scheming on her exit now. Probably with half or better. Sad face.
 
I'm probably the only guy who will say this, but here goes...

Being in a relationship is not, as many other guys here seem to think, about 'showing her who's boss.' A TRUE relationship is about give and take, with both people doing just that. It's about your weaknesses being her strengths and vice versa; it's about forgiving people for their shortcomings, etc.

What the vast majority of guys are trying to say, but are going WAY too overboard on, is that boundaries need to exist in ANY relationship to keep it healthy. For example, my son is 3.5 years old and is insanely smart. We keep telling him to keep his blasted hand out of the window, and yesterday he got his finger smashed up in there.

In the middle of his crying, he said "it's your fault!" Charlene said "Mommy's sorry; but if you hadn't put your hands in there, you wouldn't have hurt them."

I stopped everything right there, and said "HOLD on a second." I then turned to Ethan and said "NO, son, it is NOT Mommy's fault. Yes, we feel bad your finger is hurt; but it is YOUR fault because you stuck your hand where we told you NOT to stick it."

My point is yeah, we felt like crap that my son's hand was hurt; but NO, I'm not going to allow my wife to allow the truth to be twisted, even by a 3.5 year old, just because his hand was hurt, when it wouldn't have happened if he had listened in the first place.

Same thing goes for adults; I'm more than willing to listen to my wife, and vice versa; and I can tell you that 75% of the time, she's right. BUT unless it's a health and human safety issue, if she wants me to be the 'man of the house' and all that (and she does, according to her), then she doesn't get to question my decisions at length IN FRONT of our 3.5 year old son.

Why? Because that teaches him that he can question and ignore our decisions any time he wants to, and that won't fly.

SO...what I would say to your update is this.

1) I think that you were right to draw the line a bit.
2) I ALSO think that reality is halfway between two points; in this case, she was at fault, yet she did more for you than you realize.
3) If you've not already done so, sit down with her and have a heart-to-heart. Don't be a jerk about it; just tell her concerns you have, boundaries that you (AND her) both feel need to be set to ensure the relationship grows and remains healthy, etc.
4) COMMUNICATE on a daily basis.

Not sure who else is or will do this, but I'll keep y'all (together and separately) in my prayers for what it's worth.
 
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