Oh Trust me, I tried everything. I had my phone on me and was searching the forum for tricks/tips on engaging 4lo and none of them worked. I hear yea on the price premium. My mindset is either get an older (4th gen) reliable 4Runner for reasonable money, or just go all out and get a newer one. I don't like this middle ground in the high teens price wise. Feel like it defeats the purpose of getting an older one in the first place.
Barring using the vehicle to try and free it up, apparently hitting the actuator with a rubber mallet has also worked to free it up (I suspect this is how Toyota "fixed" mine).
And yah, my 2008 was only a few years old when I bought it but if I had to do it over today, I'd either go with a new(er) truck or something older with a few miles that I could pay cash for and mod. Good luck man