A few days ago, I was headed to the grocery store. On my way there, I saw a baby snapping turtle crossing the road. We live near wetlands, even own an acre of it, so there are turtles and such everywhere. And more often than not, you’ll see the little buggers smashed on the road, their attempt to get to the other side resulting in a catastrophic FAIL.
(why did the turtle cross the road?)
At any rate, the two cars in front of me (one of which was a Prius) nearly smashed the baby snapper. I nearly smashed the baby mutant ninja…So after two Mississippi Moments of contemplation, I pulled a u-turn and went back for the turtle. As I approached, I moved over to the right side edge of the road and pulled across the apron of someone’s driveway. In case that someone decided to leave or go, I pulled up a few more feet, and a foot further over into what I thought was the weeds. Normally, with past cars, I would not attempt this move, as it would often result in my getting stuck. The ground would be too wet, the terrain too muddy, whatever.
But hey, I’ve got a 4Runner, no big deal. A second later, the front passenger side dropped many feet into what seemed a bottomless pit, and the back driver’s side shot off the ground, into the air. The view out driver’s side window? Nothing but sky. I sat there in my driver’s seat, more or less hovering. If I moved a foot to the right, the truck dipped deeper, if I moved a foot to the left, the front raised into the air. I was sitting on a 4Runner seesaw.
I stayed there for a moment, contemplating what I would say to the insurance company, in the event the truck rolled over on its side. Do they even cover turtle rescues? (Maybe only geckos?) Then I pushed the door open and crawled out of the truck. As I touched feet to the ground, and before assessing the situation further I figured “hey, I might as well finish what I started...” So I went after the turtle, who was still frozen in the middle of the road. As I picked him (her?) up, he (she?) began hissing and kicking and snapping, doing its utter best to bite me. Nice.
I walked it across the road, laid it in the wetland, and turned back to the more pressing matter at hand. I wish I had a camera. From memory, the rear driver’s side was 5 feet off the ground. This may not be much to a hard core off-roader, but to a guy more accustomed to runs to the grocery store, the sight was pretty intimidating. May as well have been 12 feet. And it wasn’t just me who was so affected by this, as every car that passed stopped, stared, gawked at the fool who got himself into this predicament and wondered how exactly it happened.
I walked from one end, around to the other, scratched my head, considered my options, and then said “F#@$ it, it’s a 4Runner.”
I climbed back into the truck, put it into 4 Low, gave it the gas a few times, and ever so determinedly, the truck grunted, moved back, the rear end fell to the ground, and that was it. No drama, no craziness, just solid off-road prowess. More importantly, a later inspection proved there was no damage either.
I giggled like a school girl and screamed “THIS is why a I have a 4Runner!”
And all the turtles sang “Do Da Do Da Do Do Do Do Dooo” **
So for all you cynical, tree hugging, smug Prius drivers, know this: while you mindlessly smash nature with your happy little hybrids, I drive my 4Runner so I can save mother nature's little gifts to us...
** (Lou Reed reference, Take A Walk On The Wild Side for all you youngins…..)
(why did the turtle cross the road?)
At any rate, the two cars in front of me (one of which was a Prius) nearly smashed the baby snapper. I nearly smashed the baby mutant ninja…So after two Mississippi Moments of contemplation, I pulled a u-turn and went back for the turtle. As I approached, I moved over to the right side edge of the road and pulled across the apron of someone’s driveway. In case that someone decided to leave or go, I pulled up a few more feet, and a foot further over into what I thought was the weeds. Normally, with past cars, I would not attempt this move, as it would often result in my getting stuck. The ground would be too wet, the terrain too muddy, whatever.
But hey, I’ve got a 4Runner, no big deal. A second later, the front passenger side dropped many feet into what seemed a bottomless pit, and the back driver’s side shot off the ground, into the air. The view out driver’s side window? Nothing but sky. I sat there in my driver’s seat, more or less hovering. If I moved a foot to the right, the truck dipped deeper, if I moved a foot to the left, the front raised into the air. I was sitting on a 4Runner seesaw.
I stayed there for a moment, contemplating what I would say to the insurance company, in the event the truck rolled over on its side. Do they even cover turtle rescues? (Maybe only geckos?) Then I pushed the door open and crawled out of the truck. As I touched feet to the ground, and before assessing the situation further I figured “hey, I might as well finish what I started...” So I went after the turtle, who was still frozen in the middle of the road. As I picked him (her?) up, he (she?) began hissing and kicking and snapping, doing its utter best to bite me. Nice.
I walked it across the road, laid it in the wetland, and turned back to the more pressing matter at hand. I wish I had a camera. From memory, the rear driver’s side was 5 feet off the ground. This may not be much to a hard core off-roader, but to a guy more accustomed to runs to the grocery store, the sight was pretty intimidating. May as well have been 12 feet. And it wasn’t just me who was so affected by this, as every car that passed stopped, stared, gawked at the fool who got himself into this predicament and wondered how exactly it happened.
I walked from one end, around to the other, scratched my head, considered my options, and then said “F#@$ it, it’s a 4Runner.”
I climbed back into the truck, put it into 4 Low, gave it the gas a few times, and ever so determinedly, the truck grunted, moved back, the rear end fell to the ground, and that was it. No drama, no craziness, just solid off-road prowess. More importantly, a later inspection proved there was no damage either.
I giggled like a school girl and screamed “THIS is why a I have a 4Runner!”
And all the turtles sang “Do Da Do Da Do Do Do Do Dooo” **
So for all you cynical, tree hugging, smug Prius drivers, know this: while you mindlessly smash nature with your happy little hybrids, I drive my 4Runner so I can save mother nature's little gifts to us...
** (Lou Reed reference, Take A Walk On The Wild Side for all you youngins…..)
Here is a start: 
Anyway, great story! 
