Unexplainable anger

Doc2012

Doc2012

Senior Member
Firstly, consider this as a disclaimer of sorts. I'm in no way an arsonist, nor will I ever be. Don't do well in tight spaces.

Secondly, this is just a "feeler", I guess you can say. Yes, I have PTSD and depression, yes I'm taking medications and seeing a doc.

This is a vent, I guess. I feel I can post this here and SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, can relate.

Anyway, on with it....

Have you ever felt, as Tyler Durden would say, like "destroying something beautiful"?

I'm not saying going out and beating the living shit out of someone, not going out and shooting shit up, but just going bat shit crazy on some inanimate object. I guess like going "office space."

I guess I'm just in one of those moods today. I feel like destroying something. Just going crazy on a printer, a junked car, something. I feel like making something then destroying it. Some kind of wooden object and setting it on fire. Watch the flames dance around with reckless abandon as they destroy what I built. Consuming every inch of the wood, charging and eating away as it spreads.

Like I said, I'm in no way an arsonist, nor am I going to go out and do anything stupid that will get me put in jail. I have too much respect for myself and others to do that. Just venting, I guess.
 
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You need to invest in a punching bag. Or a punching manikin perhaps. You will be surprised at how much anger just flows out
 
The problem with this kind of anger is that it can never be satisfied. You have to work on finding a new perspective on the things that set you off. It's different for everyone and it took me a long time to figure this out.
 
I break stuff, especially when I get pissed. I'm not proud of it, but sometimes I just can't stop myself. My close friends know the look I get in my eyes when it's about to happen. They nicknamed me "Mr. Destructo". Now, with 2 little girls, I have learned to control myself when they are around.

My Father was the same way. One day I watched him rip a kitchen cabinet off the wall and smash the hell out of it. After he had calmed down I asked him why he did it. He looked me dead in the eyes and said "Would you rather me break that cabinet, or kill your Mother?" FWIW- he never touched my Mother (or us kids) in anger so I guess the tradeoff was fair!
 
My neighbor got into a huge fight with her husband and destroyed the whole damn house a few days ago! She ended up going to jail! I've broken many a cell phones and many a bones in my hand from anger! It's never worth it in the end.
 
Get urself a punching bag and take up martial arts. I did when I was a young man and it was therapeutic. Of course the one benefit of growing up in a shit neighborhood was that there were plenty of a$$holes to kick the crap out of. :evil:
 
There is nothing more satisfying then the sound of smashing glass when I'm pissed off. When I was a kid I had terrible anger, anxiety problems due to a drunk father at the time. Anyways I loved breaking glass, made me feel awesome for some reason. Also I used to build shit out of Legos then throw them into the wall. Pieces going everywhere and the sound of shit breaking really did the trick.
 
I think a punching bag would fuel the fire. You'll soon look for other outlets amped up from that. Try something in the other direction such as meditation. I could help you with that if you are interested in where to start. Just a thought from someone who used to have severe anger management issues.
 
go ahead

go ahead and do it. It is an inanimate object. It is very satisfying. Go ahead and obliterate a printer, an old tv, smash the living crap out of a junker. We're emotional beings.
Ironically, destroying something inanimate can be a constructive response. Instead of losing your temper and lashing out at a person at some random time, possibly causing them or yourself harm, you can choose a time and a place to unload and explode. You can exercise some control over the way you channel this pent up anxiety and energy.
Just let us know what you destroyed, how you destroyed it, how long it took, and how you felt afterwards. Can you post a photo?
 
ok coming from someone who has done this several times, take some of my advice... doing this can help, but it can also hurt if not done smartly... smash only your stuff- and dont smash something that you care about or is ove value or can make you happy or make you money... when i was in Iraq on on a deployment i got angery at things -things i could not control or had no power to change, some of the stuff was about the army, some of it was personal home life stuff..., anyhow i smashed 5 or 6 laptops in less than a year, 2 cell phones(that was actually a blessing -international charges are a *****), and then i could not talk to my woman or kids, i couldnt do anything like facebook or ebay or anything that would take my mind of of the situation. -i also busted two PS3s and a couple of flat screen monitors and who knows how many controllers -but that was more out of frustration from call of duty -its so not real life in case anyone had any doubts.... anyhow without any PS3 to play and internet to use or computer to use life sucked, but it also gave me time to reflect.... so what im saying here is be wise about what you destroy... some things have bigger consequences than we may think -i had to explain why i was spending so much money on computers and game systems ect and why i wasnt sending it home...

i also used to smash things when i was a kid, out of frustration and anger towards, again things i didnt have the power to change... it was how i was able to feel in control or "powerful".... it wasnt all that healthy though. i was big into die-cast model cars the bigger ones like 1:18 scale ones... i would work hard to buy them, and would buy quality ones, like Kyosho and auto-art ect, sure they were not top end, but i had some nice ones and some limited edition ones... today some of those cars would be worth hundreds of dollars, but i got made and would smash them, then when i was feeling better i regretted it, sometimes i would instantly regret it and make my feelings even worse...

so in short be smart about it, the feeling is healthy and "normal" even if others say its not...
 
Thanks for the responses guys. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one that feels like this.
[MENTION=68039]-JD-[/MENTION]: yes. I am taking a SSRI, Viibryd. I've been on just about every anti depressant out there. While the majority of them have done NOTHING to help with the depression, this one seems to be working. I can tell a BIG difference in my depression. I don't feel like I want to crawl into a hole and hide somewhere, for the first time in almost three years. While I've battled depression for most of my life, it's been really bad since I got back from my second deployment. Viibryd seems to be taking some of that edge off of it.
[MENTION=80047]bofa[/MENTION]: you're absolutely right man. It's never entirely satisfied. I feel great for about 10 minutes, but then something else so minuscule happens and I'm back into the same rage.
[MENTION=60147]the kid[/MENTION]: I think you can understand where I'm coming from. It does seem to be over things that I can't change, such as douche bags in my COC that are boots that think they know everything; but has gotten worse recently. Today, I drove up to NHCL, and just wanted to destroy the place. Nothing happened, didn't even get out of my car. Just wanted to get it done.

I think most of this rage comes from not feeling "needed" anymore. When I joined, I went straight to an Infantry Battalion, 2/8. I was there for the first 4 years of my time in. It was awesome. I was "Doc", people needed me for my skills, covered my ass, and I took care of theirs.

Since getting to the Hospital, I'm just a number. I've done two deployments to Afghanistan, my first one being the largest heilo raid since Vietnam; daily patrols outside the wire with my squad, fire fights, people yelling for me, people needing me. Hell, they've made two movies about my first deployment!

My second deployment was mostly in the BAS, but it was still just as bad. Having to take care of wounded Marines, as well as the shit heads that we're trying to kill us. I've been elbow deep in people, packing them with Combat Gauze, doing jugular taps, IOs, the whole nine.

But here, at the hospital, none of that shit matters. They don't care what you've done, or what you're capable of, they just care about themselves. And it drives me up the damn wall.

**I'm on no way trying to toot my own horn with my deployments. Just trying to get to the bottom of this, letting it all out there.**
 
Tried. But everything I had opportunities to fell through. Orders got cancelled, the classes got cancelled, people said one thing then went a completely different route, you know how it is.
 
Any chance you could sign up to do some volunteer work with other vets or the Wounded Warrior project? Lots of guys in the same boat - maybe you could find someone to talk shop while you help them with their needs too.
 
Hey Doc,

I was always good buddies with the corpsman when I was still in the Marines. Don't take this the wrong way, but when I got angry I usually just grew a pair of nuts and quit acting like a girl. I find no benefit in breaking things, but I've never been known to have a short temper anyways. It's all in your mindset. If you think throwing a hissy fit and breaking things will make you look like a little girl (which it does in my opinion), then you most likely won't display that sort of behavior. Think professionalism.

Have some self-control and really think about whether or not what it is you're angry at is worth being angry over and move on. I know you know there are worse things in the world than your own problems. I used to smoke and that helped a bit, but I have since quit. I've found that good ole self-discipline and a proper mindset is what gets me through the day (I believe it's called mental toughness). Either way, that is the best path I've come to find, but on the flip side if you find relief in breaking things then have at it!
 
Only reason I ask about SSRI's is because I have heard of people experiencing symptoms similar to what you describe as a side effect of SSRI's. I'm not doctor, and I'm not sure how much medical basis there is for this, but I do know people personally who started fires, broke things and committed other psychotic acts as a result of taking an SSRI.
 
Dirtyfingers said:
There is nothing more satisfying then the sound of smashing glass when I'm pissed off. When I was a kid I had terrible anger, anxiety problems due to a drunk father at the time. Anyways I loved breaking glass, made me feel awesome for some reason. Also I used to build shit out of Legos then throw them into the wall. Pieces going everywhere and the sound of shit breaking really did the trick.
Click to expand...

Goto the local Salvation Army and spend $10 on a stack of Corelle Dinner Plates, the thin white one's with the blue design or green and yellow flowers on them and play frisbee.

The sound and way they shatter when hitting pavement or cement is THAT much fun.

*Do it somewhere you don't get stuck cleaning it up though because it's messier than broken glass.

OP, PTSD as well as life stress bring that feeling on in anyone. Like said though, flat knuckles, radial and cross fractures cost money. Try taking a exercise class or even a higher level fitness regimen class with an instructor who knows what you've been and are going through, it's all that works for me aside from the above and of course lap swimming. The sound of the echo's of the pool area, the splashing, your breathing, and your heart beating are very calming.
 
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