Unexplainable anger

[the great him]

i like going out and shooting things, -in a safe area of course... i typically will bring a propane bottle or two, and some road flares... light the road flare stick it near the base of the propane bottle and go back a ways -50 or so yards and shot the bottle the flare will ignite the gas and BOOM! sometimes will take something out there with me to blow up. i try to keep the things i blow up either easily picked up or bio degradable, so if i dont get it all its ok. shooting old spray paint cans or other aerosol cans can be fun too...

 

[t4r4life]

Hey Doc2012, although i can't pretend i know who you feel, i do have anger issues myself, i use to destroy my room on the weekly and go ape shit with a bat on things. but then i fought a outlet, iron weights. And im not gonna make it sound like its all flower and rainbows, because it's not. when i started lifting, there is nothing but dark, evil, angry thoughts, i was like a demon in the weight room. but i kicked ass, my anger was my greatest weapon, i became the strongest guy in my gym in my school, after i took up power lifting, i no longer feel the rage when im not lifting, and when i do get angry i hit the weights, break personal records. i don't know about you guys but there is nothing more therapeutic to me than iron plates clanking and good music blasting in the background.

 

[BrianSD_42]

[MENTION=76419]Doc2012[/MENTION]

From what I've read about you so far on this forum I can tell that you are a very smart guy.

I really think that once you have your mental health in a safe and solid place that you should consider getting out.

In order to do this you will need to be in control of yourself and not dependent on alcohol drugs etc. the guys I know who struggled as civis often had issues handling themselves because of alcohol. The ones who didn't have those issues made it through college just fine.

If you are interesting in a life outside military let me know, send me a PM. I got out after 6 years, two tours onboard ship, and am now a regular civi. At least 5 other people I know did the same and are doing well.

Edit: I also wanted to say that if you are ever feeling suicidal please tell someone. The rates of suicide among veterans is scary high and a huge national shame.

 

[NorCalBorn]

i don't know about you guys but there is nothing more therapeutic to me than iron plates clanking and good music blasting in the background.

That's why I mentioned the training. When I had to go back to the gym as a part of my fulfilling the required minimum credits to complete my higher degree it was the best time I had, almost ever. I looked forward to getting there before afternoon and night classes began just so I could work through my circuit. I found myself studying better, eating better, living better, and being a better Father/Husband as a result of all that. Although I did it as an "Elective" I found myself applying what I felt and saw to my degree as a part of watching the Socio and Psychological changes people went through. Made a great thesis/dissertation.

For that matter I should likely go back and sign up again or join a local gym just for the therapy.

That said Combat Training and Combat or Alert Status do things to a person. You live for that rush and some have a harder time coming back down from that.

 

[highlux]

I think you need to go get some booty.:driving:

 

[Cory619]

Hey Doc first and foremost, from one brother to another, thank you for your service!

 

[Doc2012]

Thanks for the responses guys. I'm on my phone right now, and can't go through and quote everything, but I will when I get home.

 

[MtnT4R]

I definitely get your distaste and frustration with people and their lack of understanding. All you need is ONE solid outlet to pour that energy into, and it makes a world of difference. I couldnt speak highly enough of at least squaring off with a heavy bag when the mood strikes, and just beat the crap out of it for a while. If not boxing then some other physical outlet. Everyone's gotta vent at some point or another, and its tough to be angry after you wear yourself out.

 

[MedicLt]

Hey Doc,

Just read your post for the fist time..I realize it's been some time since you posted.

How are you managing? I have tremendous respect for all our Military Bros and Sis's.

Hope you are getting along well.

Peace!

 

[Twan]

break some bottles or dig a hole and burn some wood

God damn Naked Dave.

 

[Doc2012]

Hey Doc,

Just read your post for the fist time..I realize it's been some time since you posted.

How are you managing? I have tremendous respect for all our Military Bros and Sis's.

Hope you are getting along well.

Peace!

Didn't completely forget about this post, but I did kinda let it get to the back of my mind.

I'm getting there. Things were getting a lot better until they decided to change up my chain. Now, my LPO(Leading Petty Officer), is a IC2 who has absoutely no idea what the hell she's doing, and is being a complete f*cking tool. No clue, screws everything up, yet gets praise. I just don't get it..... I really don't.

I'm out in November, and have one of two ideas. Either continue in the medical field as a Paramedic, or go the WyoTech or UTI route.

There might be something else that comes up out of it, but I honestly have no idea. I just know that I love being a Corpsman, but I can't take this anymore. Time to move on.

 

[BettysNephew]

Motorcycle/car mechanic is pretty boring compared to Paramedic and it sounds like you like what you do. There is also far more personal reward in that area. Another plus is that you have a bunch of the training behind you. I do not know how much of that will directly transfer but even if none, you will be far ahead of the kid right out of high school with your background and you know you enjoy helping folks in need.

 

[Kryptoroxx]

Didn't completely forget about this post, but I did kinda let it get to the back of my mind.

I'm getting there. Things were getting a lot better until they decided to change up my chain. Now, my LPO(Leading Petty Officer), is a IC2 who has absoutely no idea what the hell she's doing, and is being a complete f*cking tool. No clue, screws everything up, yet gets praise. I just don't get it..... I really don't.

I'm out in November, and have one of two ideas. Either continue in the medical field as a Paramedic, or go the WyoTech or UTI route.

There might be something else that comes up out of it, but I honestly have no idea. I just know that I love being a Corpsman, but I can't take this anymore. Time to move on.

Wish nothing but the best for ya doc.

I have an anger problem as well but I think getting out would only increase it since I wouldn't have anyone to really talk to back home. All my best friends are marines or docs including the ones I was lucky enough to know only for a short time.

Missing funerals is what makes me the most angry or losing guys I trained. So far I haven't made a single funeral so yeah....

 

[swapmeet]

I'm out in November, and have one of two ideas. Either continue in the medical field as a Paramedic, or go the WyoTech or UTI route.

There might be something else that comes up out of it, but I honestly have no idea. I just know that I love being a Corpsman, but I can't take this anymore. Time to move on.

Let me start by saying thanks for your service. I'm a civilian... so if I use a incorrect term etc, please give me some latitude.

Those of us who haven't been in a branch of the military rarely get to see/ hear what its like for those who have served and the struggles they deal with as a result of deployment. So while it may not mean much to you, it means a lot to me for you to feel comfortable sharing/ venting etc on here so others can get an idea of the struggles and challenges. We all hear about the statistics but I promise you very few have any idea of the struggle. I wish it wasn't swept under the rug by the media and our illustrious administration.
Anyhow, I appreciate what you've posted.

When I was reading your post about having a purpose and being needed, I immediately said to myself "Jesus this guy would probably find a lot of value in being a paramedic."
I don't know how much additional education that requires, but I can't imagine anything that's closer to what you did while serving our country. You might want to relocate to a "busy" city so you're not bored on the job lol.

All I know is there is a certain cut of man that willingly and effectivly wears a uniform and endures that challenges that come with it. It sounds like you might dismiss that because its whats expected of you as a corpsman (just guessing)... I ask that the next time you look at yourself in the mirror, remember that you have endured and survived situations that easily 90% of the rest of the population of our country couldn't even imagine, much less manage and live through. And it sounds like you've saved a few lives in the process.
I've always like the saying that "nothing worthwhile is easy" and what you've endured is some epic next level stuff man! When a situation is bothering you, remember what you've endured and compare it to that moment. I imagine that whatever is causing the anger pales in comparison to your challenges/ experiences during deployment that you've survived! Albeit with some level of emotional distress that is completely natural... but you remembered your training and you made it through! Hopefully you can find some relief from the anger in reflecting on all that you've survived vs the relatively small thing that's eating at you presently.
This is just my nickle arm chair point of view as a civilian who enjoys the freedom that you've worked so hard to provide. I hope it helps.

Once again, thanks for letting us into your world just a little, and thank you for all you've done for your fellow corpsmen and our country.

 

[BrianSD_42]

If you do get out and try to use your GI Bill benefits ... DO NOT spend them by enrolling in a private FOR-PROFIT college.

FOR-PROFIT colleges are ITT Tech, Devry, University of Phoenix, KAPLAN,

These type of "For Profit" schools specifically target veterans because they love getting veterans GI Bill money.

Many veterans do not realize that these schools are perfectly within their rights to straight up lie to you during the recruiting process. Veterans also do not realize that recruiters at these for profit colleges are paid commisions for each new enrollment.

America’s Worst Colleges by Ben Miller | The Washington Monthly


Contrast this with "Public Non-Profit" which is literally every state school OR "Private Non-Profit" such as Harvard & UCLA.


If you decide to go the college route I'd definitely suggest going the community college and then state school route. It takes 4 years but you will get your rent covered, living stipend and more during that time.

I won't even go into the topic of "choosing a degree with a job at the end" because I'm sure you've heard that all before. It is easy to look up which degrees have no job opportunities. Pretty much any liberal arts degree is a no-go. The good news is you can just rent those books from the library if you really want to learn about those topics.

BLS.gov is a great site.

IAVA.org is a great veterans site.

 

[BrianSD_42]

Community college then transferring to a state non-profit to get a BSN in Nursing would be a plausible career move.

You will need to be dedicated, comfortable with authority (eg can't tell doctors to go F-themselves even though you will probably want to every day), academically inclined (a BS in nursing is no joke), and able to operate in a high stress environment.

:hello:

 

[A/V1]

Firstly, consider this as a disclaimer of sorts. I'm in no way an arsonist, nor will I ever be. Don't do well in tight spaces.

Secondly, this is just a "feeler", I guess you can say. Yes, I have PTSD and depression, yes I'm taking medications and seeing a doc.

This is a vent, I guess. I feel I can post this here and SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, can relate.

Anyway, on with it....

Have you ever felt, as Tyler Durden would say, like "destroying something beautiful"?

I'm not saying going out and beating the living shit out of someone, not going out and shooting shit up, but just going bat shit crazy on some inanimate object. I guess like going "office space."

I guess I'm just in one of those moods today. I feel like destroying something. Just going crazy on a printer, a junked car, something. I feel like making something then destroying it. Some kind of wooden object and setting it on fire. Watch the flames dance around with reckless abandon as they destroy what I built. Consuming every inch of the wood, charging and eating away as it spreads.

Like I said, I'm in no way an arsonist, nor am I going to go out and do anything stupid that will get me put in jail. I have too much respect for myself and others to do that. Just venting, I guess.

I'm sorry you've got this pain going on inside. Obviously, alcohol & drugs won't help. One thing some of my close friends & I would do when I was in the military was buy cheap vehicles, and take it to a wooded area that was near by, and beat the hell out of it. I mean, we drove them into trees, opened the doors and backed up so the trees would bend the doors backwards, build jumps & see how fast & high we could get (without hurting ourselves). Most of the vehicles would last surprising long, unless the driveline gets buggered.

One of my buddies had some severe anger issues. Something that he did to help him was he would just go out in the woods & dig holes. Sounds funny, but I think it worked for him til he met the right woman. She seemed to keep him out of that "mind".

PTSD is a very serious matter. And depression, regardless of the cause, can be debilitating. I hope you are able to find the right fix.