Joke Thread
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TranceKrayz
New member
hehehe....i thought we had a joke thread.
seasonal humor
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot.
The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot.
The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"
An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.
"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig."
The farmer scratched his grizzled head.
"Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."
"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig."
The farmer scratched his grizzled head.
"Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."
Kire4Runner
New member
Two engineering students crossing the campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
TranceKrayz
New member
RonMAIDEN said:
:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
Kire4Runner
New member
Another good joke...
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for
15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for
15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
ToyotaDoodz
New member
Great Comeback Line....
This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL REINWALD: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?
The radio went silent and the interview ended.
This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL REINWALD: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?
The radio went silent and the interview ended.
wb2fcr
New member
Heart warming story
This will warm your heart. Just when you have lost faith in human kindness:
This letter was sent to the principal's office after an elementary school
had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An old lady had received a new radio
at the lunch as a door prize, and was writing to say thank you. This story is
a credit to all human kind. Forward to anyone you know who might need a lift
today!
Dear Faculty and Students:
God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens'
luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at an Assisted Home for the Aged. All of
my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know someone is
thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.
My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio. Before I received this one,
she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.
The other day, her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of
little pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen
to mine, and I said fuck you.
Thank you for that opportunity.
This will warm your heart. Just when you have lost faith in human kindness:
This letter was sent to the principal's office after an elementary school
had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An old lady had received a new radio
at the lunch as a door prize, and was writing to say thank you. This story is
a credit to all human kind. Forward to anyone you know who might need a lift
today!
Dear Faculty and Students:
God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens'
luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at an Assisted Home for the Aged. All of
my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know someone is
thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.
My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio. Before I received this one,
she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.
The other day, her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of
little pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen
to mine, and I said fuck you.
Thank you for that opportunity.
ksneubec
New member
CHILDREN'S BOOKS THAT DIDN'T MAKE IT...
>
>1. You Are Different and That's Bad
>2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
>3. Daddy's New Wife Robert
>4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
>5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
>6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
>7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
>8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
>9. All Cats Go to Hell
>10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
>11. Some Kittens Can Fly.
>12. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
>13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
>14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
>15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
>16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
>17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
>18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
>19. You Were an Accident
>20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
>21. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
>22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
>23. Your Nightmares Are Real
>24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
>25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
>26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
>27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
>28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
>
>1. You Are Different and That's Bad
>2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
>3. Daddy's New Wife Robert
>4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
>5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
>6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
>7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
>8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
>9. All Cats Go to Hell
>10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
>11. Some Kittens Can Fly.
>12. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
>13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
>14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
>15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
>16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
>17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
>18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
>19. You Were an Accident
>20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
>21. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
>22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
>23. Your Nightmares Are Real
>24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
>25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
>26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
>27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
>28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
Kmvreter
New member
The residents of Silicon Valley are more confused than usual after a
billboard campaign by the National Multiple Sclerosis Society of America
used this line in an ad slogan:
"MS: It's not a software company"
exploiting the fame of a certain company to draw attention to an altogether
worthier cause. Requests to comment on the campaign have been met by a
surly silence by Microsoft, which doesn't relish the association of ideas
but is painfully aware that it can't afford to appear insensitive over such
an issue.
Seasoned information technology professionals will have no trouble telling
the two MS's apart: One is a debilitating and surprisingly widespread
affliction that renders the sufferer barely able to perform the simplest
task. The other is a disease.
billboard campaign by the National Multiple Sclerosis Society of America
used this line in an ad slogan:
"MS: It's not a software company"
exploiting the fame of a certain company to draw attention to an altogether
worthier cause. Requests to comment on the campaign have been met by a
surly silence by Microsoft, which doesn't relish the association of ideas
but is painfully aware that it can't afford to appear insensitive over such
an issue.
Seasoned information technology professionals will have no trouble telling
the two MS's apart: One is a debilitating and surprisingly widespread
affliction that renders the sufferer barely able to perform the simplest
task. The other is a disease.
Bobby
New member
Bear hunt joke
Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear
hunting. He travels up to Alaska, spots a small brown bear
and shoots it.
Right after, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned
around to see a big black bear.
The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake. That
was my cousin and I'm going to give you two choices. Either
I maul you to death or we have sex."
After considering briefly, Frank decided to accept the latter
alternative. So the black bear has his way with Frank.
Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed
revenge.
He headed out on another trip back to Alaska where he found
the black bear and shot it dead.
Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time
a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said,
"That was a big mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and
you've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we
have rough sex."
Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate with the
grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly has his
way with Frank.
Although he survived, it took several months before Frank
fully recovered.
Now Frank is completely outraged, so he headed back to
Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it. He felt
sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was
a tap on his shoulder.
He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.
The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it Frank, you
don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear
hunting. He travels up to Alaska, spots a small brown bear
and shoots it.
Right after, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned
around to see a big black bear.
The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake. That
was my cousin and I'm going to give you two choices. Either
I maul you to death or we have sex."
After considering briefly, Frank decided to accept the latter
alternative. So the black bear has his way with Frank.
Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed
revenge.
He headed out on another trip back to Alaska where he found
the black bear and shot it dead.
Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time
a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said,
"That was a big mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and
you've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we
have rough sex."
Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate with the
grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly has his
way with Frank.
Although he survived, it took several months before Frank
fully recovered.
Now Frank is completely outraged, so he headed back to
Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it. He felt
sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was
a tap on his shoulder.
He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.
The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it Frank, you
don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
Bobby
New member
Walmart Return Policy
A middle-aged woman goes to a Walmart service counter and tells the
clerk she wants a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't
work.
The clerk tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought
it on 'special'. Suddenly, the woman throws her arms up in the air and
starts screaming, "PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY
NIPPLES!!"
The befuddled clerk, suddenly in front of a growing crowd of
customers, ran away to get the store manager.
The manager goes to the woman and asks, "Ma'am what's wrong?" She
explained the problem with the toaster, and HE tells her that he can't
give her a refund because she bought it on 'special.'
Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts
screaming, "PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY NIPPLES!"
And doing so draws an even LARGER crowd! In shock, the store manager
pleads, "Ma'am, why are you saying that?
In a huff, the woman says, "BECAUSE I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN
I'M GETTING SCREWED!"
The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!
A middle-aged woman goes to a Walmart service counter and tells the
clerk she wants a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't
work.
The clerk tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought
it on 'special'. Suddenly, the woman throws her arms up in the air and
starts screaming, "PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY
NIPPLES!!"
The befuddled clerk, suddenly in front of a growing crowd of
customers, ran away to get the store manager.
The manager goes to the woman and asks, "Ma'am what's wrong?" She
explained the problem with the toaster, and HE tells her that he can't
give her a refund because she bought it on 'special.'
Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts
screaming, "PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY NIPPLES!"
And doing so draws an even LARGER crowd! In shock, the store manager
pleads, "Ma'am, why are you saying that?
In a huff, the woman says, "BECAUSE I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN
I'M GETTING SCREWED!"
The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!
Bobby
New member
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport.
After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an
announcement
over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain
speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to Los
Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and
uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH, MY GOD!"
Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the
intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen,
I am so sorry if I scared you earlier; but, while I was talking, the
flight attendant brought
me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should
see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"
After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an
announcement
over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain
speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to Los
Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and
uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH, MY GOD!"
Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came back on the
intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen,
I am so sorry if I scared you earlier; but, while I was talking, the
flight attendant brought
me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should
see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"
Bobby
New member
It must be joke day.
=========================
To make it in Hollywood . . .
This good looking man walks into an agent's office in Hollywood and
says "I want to be a movie star."
Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had all the right
credentials.
The agent asked, "What's your name?" The guy said,
"My name is Penis van Lesbian."
The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into
Hollywood you are gonna have to change your name."
"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old,
I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever!"
The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years. You will
NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian!
I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be
able to represent you."
"So be it! I guess we will not do business together" the guy said and
he left the agent's office.
FIVE YEARS LATER.....
The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is
a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awestruck ...who
would possibly send him $50,000?
He reads the letter enclosed:
"Dear Sir,"
Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in
Hollywood. You told me I needed to change my name.
Determined to make it with my birth name, I refused.
You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like
Penis van Lesbian.
After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you
were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to
your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made
it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my
appreciation.
Thank you for your advice.
Sincerely,
Dick van Dyke
=========================
To make it in Hollywood . . .
This good looking man walks into an agent's office in Hollywood and
says "I want to be a movie star."
Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had all the right
credentials.
The agent asked, "What's your name?" The guy said,
"My name is Penis van Lesbian."
The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into
Hollywood you are gonna have to change your name."
"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old,
I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever!"
The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years. You will
NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian!
I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be
able to represent you."
"So be it! I guess we will not do business together" the guy said and
he left the agent's office.
FIVE YEARS LATER.....
The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is
a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awestruck ...who
would possibly send him $50,000?
He reads the letter enclosed:
"Dear Sir,"
Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in
Hollywood. You told me I needed to change my name.
Determined to make it with my birth name, I refused.
You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like
Penis van Lesbian.
After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you
were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to
your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made
it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my
appreciation.
Thank you for your advice.
Sincerely,
Dick van Dyke
Bobby
New member
Cab Fare
It was a dark and stormy night in the city that never sleeps. I was
pushin' my hack outta the South Bronx into Manhattan when I spotted an
arm wavin' me over from the shadows of an alley halfway down the
block. Before I got my Checker stopped, I heard the back door open,
someone jump in and the door slam shut. I eased back out into the
light, late evening traffic before glancing up into my mirror.
Wow! She was drippin' wet, and she was stark naked! I managed a,
"Where to?" but I had to ask a second time, 'cause I wasn't payin'
attention when she answered. "Time Square," she said again, just a
bit sarcastically I expect, 'cause she was watchin' me watchin' her,
an she knew damn well why I didn't hear her the first time.
We didn't say nothin' more for a while, me just checkin' it out when I
could, and her puttin' on a little show for me, playin' at dryin'
herself off real slow like, with nothin' but her wet hands to work
with. Every now and then she'd catch me lookin' and she'd just smile.
After a while it occured to me she didn't have no place to carry
money, so I asked her how she figured to pay for the ride, figurin' I
already knew what she had in mind. She just smiled that sweet smile
of hers, spread her legs wide, and put her feet up on the each end of
the safety glass between us. "We ought to be able to figure something
out," she said.
I took a good long look then, and said, "Got anything smaller?"
It was a dark and stormy night in the city that never sleeps. I was
pushin' my hack outta the South Bronx into Manhattan when I spotted an
arm wavin' me over from the shadows of an alley halfway down the
block. Before I got my Checker stopped, I heard the back door open,
someone jump in and the door slam shut. I eased back out into the
light, late evening traffic before glancing up into my mirror.
Wow! She was drippin' wet, and she was stark naked! I managed a,
"Where to?" but I had to ask a second time, 'cause I wasn't payin'
attention when she answered. "Time Square," she said again, just a
bit sarcastically I expect, 'cause she was watchin' me watchin' her,
an she knew damn well why I didn't hear her the first time.
We didn't say nothin' more for a while, me just checkin' it out when I
could, and her puttin' on a little show for me, playin' at dryin'
herself off real slow like, with nothin' but her wet hands to work
with. Every now and then she'd catch me lookin' and she'd just smile.
After a while it occured to me she didn't have no place to carry
money, so I asked her how she figured to pay for the ride, figurin' I
already knew what she had in mind. She just smiled that sweet smile
of hers, spread her legs wide, and put her feet up on the each end of
the safety glass between us. "We ought to be able to figure something
out," she said.
I took a good long look then, and said, "Got anything smaller?"
Especially for GatorGreg.... 
For six years, the young attorney had worked incredibly long hours in his quest to make partner, and had taken only brief respites at a nearby country inn.
During his last, brief visit, he had a moment of passion with the innkeeper's daughter.
Having done little but stare at the walls of his office since then, he looked forward to his next trip to the inn, in the hope that they could pick up where they left off.
Finally, he had another chance to take a couple of days off.
Excited, he hauled his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short.
There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!
"Why didn't you call me when you learned you were pregnant?" he asked.
"You know I would have have done the right thing, we could have been married. I would be a good provider."
"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
For six years, the young attorney had worked incredibly long hours in his quest to make partner, and had taken only brief respites at a nearby country inn.
During his last, brief visit, he had a moment of passion with the innkeeper's daughter.
Having done little but stare at the walls of his office since then, he looked forward to his next trip to the inn, in the hope that they could pick up where they left off.
Finally, he had another chance to take a couple of days off.
Excited, he hauled his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short.
There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!
"Why didn't you call me when you learned you were pregnant?" he asked.
"You know I would have have done the right thing, we could have been married. I would be a good provider."
"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
A biology teacher wished to demonstrate to his students the harmful effects of alcohol on living organisms. For his experiment, he showed them a beaker with pond water in which there was a thriving civilization of worms. When he added some alcohol into the beaker the worms doubled-up and died.
"Now," he said,
"Now," he said,
