Men's rules (for women)

SmokeyMcBong

SmokeyMcBong

New member
- Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If its up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down

-Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present again!

-Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it!

-Sunday = sports. Its like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be

-Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her

-Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!!

-We don't remember dates.....................Period!

-Most guys own three pairs of shoes-tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

-Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

-Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. Thats what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

-A headache that lasts for 17months is a problem. See a doctor!

-Anything we said 6months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days!

-If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

-If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!

-If something we said can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one!!

-Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

-You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself!

-Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

-Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

-The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. and quit whining to your girlfriends!

-All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

-If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

-We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

-If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but its just not worth the hassle!

-If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear!

-Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks!

-Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (unless its Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)

-Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you!

Thank you for reading this. Yes i know I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but didn't you know, its like camping!!!
 
Register to hide this ad
Hey now! Right back atcha!

Rules for men
1. Call.
2. Don't lie.
3. Never tape any of her body parts together.
4. If a guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
5. If a guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting.
6. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."
7. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"
8. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad.
9. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
10. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
11. "Honey", "Darling", and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag", "Lardass", and "*****" are bad.
12. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
14. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.
15. Her cooking is excellent.
16. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
17. Soap is your friend.
18. Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.
19. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
20. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.
21. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"
22. Two words: clean socks.
23. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're drunk.
24. Burping is not sexy.
25. You're wrong.
26. You're sorry.
27. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.
28. Ditto for your discourse on football.
29. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.
30. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.
31. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
32. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.
33. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.
34. "But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush. You don't clean plaque with your tongue.
35. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.
36. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
37. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.
38. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.
39. Don't tell her you love her if you don't.
40. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
41. Always, always suck up to her brother.
42. Think boxers.
43. Silk boxers.
44. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so-names.
45. Don't try to change the way she dresses.
46. Her haircut is never bad.
47. Don't let your friends pick on her.
48. Call.
49. Don't lie.
 
Mytoy4 said:
Hey now! Right back atcha!

Rules for men
1. Call. Always
2. Don't lie. True but the same applies to you chickies
3. Never tape any of her body parts together. But tying up is OK!
4. If a guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls. No, that is the whole idea of a guys night out. Away from the women folk.
5. If a guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting. That's right. Remember fellas that you can look at the menu but remember where you eat.....that does sound right yes?
6. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes." Again, correct
7. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?" See above
8. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad. Lovers Lane rocks ass!
9. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad. 100% right on
10. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad. Stalking is good when Deer hunting
11. "Honey", "Darling", and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag", "Lardass", and "*****" are bad. True, and a well placed kiss behind the ear and you're in like Flint
12. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony. Fellas, you never NEVER hit a woman, period
13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question. Unless you're drunk and cannot speak coherently.
14. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed. At least I'd never bring that up at the dinner table....the past is the past.
15. Her cooking is excellent. My wifey is an excellent cook....next to me :)
16. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking. See above
17. Soap is your friend. Especially when she drops the bar in the shower
18. Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean. I'm scared that you know this
19. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay. But oysters and martinis do
20. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation. Correct, always say "oh, it was a solicitor"
21. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?" Depends on what body part it's located
22. Two words: clean socks. And undies, skid marks suck!
23. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're drunk. But women are?
24. Burping is not sexy. But a good old rattle the doors, scare the cat make the paint peel fart is......well maybe not
25. You're wrong. Always
26. You're sorry. Definitely
27. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is. At my age, yes
28. Ditto for your discourse on football. Now you've done it. Don't mess with football
29. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound. Yup, that's ghey
30. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad. Depends on how much alcohol is involved
31. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood. No but it sure is a conversation starter
32. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist. A bottle of wine sure can control it
33. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice. So PMS does exist, case closed
34. "But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush. You don't clean plaque with your tongue. And never say you cleaned the toilet with her tooth brush, they find no humor in that.....yes I know
35. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm. That doesn't even need to be said
36. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive. But being treated equal are?
37. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it. And get the door for her god damnit
38. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you. Waisting time sucks
39. Don't tell her you love her if you don't. Again, depends on how much alcohol is involved
40. Tell her you love her if you do. Often. Everyday fellas....everyday
41. Always, always suck up to her brother. That's right cause someday you'll need his help
42. Think boxers. No, commando
43. Silk boxers. Wool
44. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so-names. In the beginning yes, after 30 years it's just another day so save the $5 on a card and buy condoms
45. Don't try to change the way she dresses. That's right. And don't try her panties on as you'll blow them out....they find no humor in that either but it's funny as hell at that time
46. Her haircut is never bad. Depends where. A finely trimmed Beaverhousen (where the Beaver lives) is most desirable with just a landing pad
47. Don't let your friends pick on her. If they do, you kick their asses
48. Call. Who?
49. Don't lie. You're getting repetitive damnit :)
Click to expand...

Might I add #50. Marriage or relationship is NOT 50/50. It's 60/40, 70/30 whatever you want to call it but always, ALWAYS give a little more. The more you give, the more you'll receive. A principle I've believed in since we were married and you know what, it works.
Been married 30 years now so I put in BOLD my responses to your statements.
 
1. It's my truck. Not yours. I'll do what I want to it, you go mess with your own stuff.
2. Some sort of gifty time? Forget baubles. I'd love to have something I can use. Specialty tools, tranny jack, ball joint kit, something I would normally make do without that would make my fun all that much more so. I might return the favor.....or get you a vacuum. Somebody's got to do it.
3. Pitch in around the house.
4. Toilet seat goes down. Yes, I know how they work, but I'm kinda forgetful at three in the morning so you'd better not be.
5. I don't know any 5. You need me I'll be out working on the truck. If you happen to be working on your Toy while I'm out there cool, I'd enjoy the company.
 
robhurlburt said:
Woman's logic. There is none.
Click to expand...

This.

Look ladies, I know Channing tatum looks better than me, I'm a chubby Irish guy.....so just admit it. And I'll admit to you that Megan fox and and Emma Stone makes my pants tight. Doesn't mean I love my wife less.
 
habanero said:
1. It's my truck. Not yours. I'll do what I want to it, you go mess with your own stuff.
2. Some sort of gifty time? Forget baubles. I'd love to have something I can use. Specialty tools, tranny jack, ball joint kit, something I would normally make do without that would make my fun all that much more so. I might return the favor.....or get you a vacuum. Somebody's got to do it.
3. Pitch in around the house.
4. Toilet seat goes down. Yes, I know how they work, but I'm kinda forgetful at three in the morning so you'd better not be.
5. I don't know any 5. You need me I'll be out working on the truck. If you happen to be working on your Toy while I'm out there cool, I'd enjoy the company.
Click to expand...

Hab, you're my hero.
 
Random thoughts....

No matter how much time and money I spend on my truck, it will always pale in comparison to the time and money you spend shopping and buying clothes for yourself.

If I'm annoying you, it's just because I think you're sexy when you're mad.

Dudes don't gossip. Farting is way more entertaining.

I'll unclog the toilet when you unclog the shower drain.

Fine, I'll spend some quality time with you. (Go grab the Victoria Secret's Swimsuit Edition). What!!!! I know how you love shopping, that you want a new suit and thought this would be a good place to start.

I'd let you drive my 4Runner, but I'll have to spend the entire next day cleaning it - and then you'll get jealous.

Why do I love my 4Runner so much? It's the only low maintenance thing in my life.

Sure I could fix that for you, but I want you to try it first, for my entertainment and your appreciation.

I'm supercharging the 4Runner because you won't let me supercharge our sex life....you are welcome to change my mind anytime.

Woman - "Why do you drink every day of the week?" Man - "So I won't remember this conversation"
 
Last edited:
wORUP.jpg
 
bootown said:
Random thoughts....

No matter how much time and money I spend on my truck, it will always pale in comparison to the time and money you spend shopping and buying clothes for yourself.

If I'm annoying you, it's just because I think you're sexy when you're mad.

Dudes don't gossip. Farting is way more entertaining.

I'll unclog the toilet when you unclog the shower drain.

Fine, I'll spend some quality time with you. (Go grab the Victoria Secret's Swimsuit Edition). What!!!! I know how you love shopping, that you want a new suit and thought this would be a good place to start.

I'd let you drive my 4Runner, but I'll have to spend the entire next day cleaning it - and then you'll get jealous.

Why do I love my 4Runner so much? It's the only low maintenance thing in my life.

Sure I could fix that for you, but I want you to try it first, for my entertainment and your appreciation.

I'm supercharging the 4Runner because you won't let me supercharge our sex life....you are welcome to change my mind anytime.

Woman - "Why do you drink every day of the week?" Man - "So I won't remember this conversation"
Click to expand...

Good man.

Oh, and if I may add to this astounding gentleman,

These are just some tidbits that really piss a lot of guys off, or atleast me:

1. To any woman, we always let you do whatever the hell it is you want to do, so let us do the same.

2. Don't keep tabs on us like we're up to no good at all times, because if our friends realize we love you more than you, there is a problem.

3. To add to the hormones bit.. if you ogle, we will ogle, simple as that. When you imagine whatever his name is from 'Magic Mike' naked in your mind (and God forbid you don't let it STAY in your mind), chances are, we already thought of Jessica Alba, Hallie Barry, and countless others. Don't ever, especially during a movie act like you're getting horny over whatever guy you see that you think is "hot" outloud, during any TV show or movie you ever see with us.

4. Don't get upset because we work on our trucks. Chances are, it's something we actually need to do, or its just to have momentary freedom, unlike shoe shopping. I've been told I value my truck over my as of now, ex. Well, she shouldn't have complained. :roadkill::happens:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

R
Any GM Diesel Specialists On This T4R Board?
Replies
3
Views
6K
Rick G.
R
H
New to me 4runner in NC.
Replies
4
Views
5K
Smadav7827
S
R
1999 4Runner general maintenance/upgrades
Replies
7
Views
6K
phattyduck
P
P
Gauges, needle position etc. Much more, but a starter
Replies
2
Views
1K
Parks Junkie
P
R
Everytime I change the oil I get scared...
Replies
15
Views
5K
AuSeeker
AuSeeker

Members online

Total: 510 (members: 5, guests: 505)

Forum statistics

Threads
278,316
Messages
3,554,109
Members
248,016
Latest member
Advally Service

Share this page

Trending content

Back
Top