So I played around with the fuses today and made some interesting, if not obvious, discoveries:
The short pin was seated quite tightly (I needed needle nose pliers to grab it and pull it out.) It is most definitely just a piece of metal, and not a true fuse. Upon starting the vehicle with the short pin removed, ALL the symptoms of my earlier problems were back; inop door locks, lights, clock, blinking indicators on the dash, everything. Replacing the short pin and restarting the vehicle restored 100% functionality.
Removing just the ECU-B fuse and restarting the vehicle again gave me all the symptoms of the earlier problem, with the EXCEPTION of the dome lights, which still worked fine. Replacing this fuse again restored all functionality. As expected, when I then removed just the DOME fuse, the lights stopped working, but there were no other symptoms.
I called back my service writer to have him explain what exactly was wrong with the short pin. Turns out it wasn't "blown", but rather they found that it was not fully seated. He swears that they checked it on one of my earlier visits, and it was fine at that time, but one of his techs must have not replaced it properly. He also still swears that the BCM needed to be replaced...
My problem is this: If the BCM were truly dead/dying, the dome lights should have still worked fine, because as I proved above, pulling the ECU-B fuse and completely disabling the BCM had no effect on the lights at all.
The only possible explanation is perhaps the first few times the symptoms happened the lights were still working and I just didn't notice, and it was only after I brought it into the dealership the first time (and they messed up the short pin) that I started noticing the lights. It's honestly been so long that I can't really remember. However my service writer doesn't even support this hypothesis, because he said they checked the short pin on one of my later visits, when the FST was down from Denver.
What does any of this mean for me now? Should I go ahead and re-hookup my heated seats? Who knows!