Man, that sucks! I'm sorry to hear that. At least your 4R delivered you safely back to your family.
I had a similar experience with my '00 Grand Cherokee Limited. I got in an accident on the highway which was someone else's fault. $13k worth of damage on a vehicle that I just bought for $20k a few months previous. Needless to say, I was PISSED! I thought for sure they would total it, as it sustained a pretty big head on collision. Unfortunately, an insurance company typically won't total a car unless the repair costs more than 80% of the value of you car. In your case, it is cheaper for them to fix it rather than total it. That is usually the case with newer, more expensive cars.
I am no car expert or collision specialist, but despite how bad your 4R looks, it doesn't look like is sustained any major structural damage. I can say this, and that is a good body shop can do AMAZING work to make a car look and drive like new again. You might be very surprised when you get it back. I was planning on selling my GC as soon as I got it back but when I sat it in again and drove it back home from the body shop, I was VERY impressed with the repair work.
As far as diminished value goes, I hate to say it, but good luck with that. You typically only get DV from an insurance company on a vehicle if a little damage occurs to something that would be very expensive to replace. For example, on that same GC I used to have, it was broken into and the glass from the broken window scratched my leather seats. Rather than replace the entire leather seat covering for a few small scratches, they through in an extra couple hundred dollars into my claim for DV. Unfortunately, DV usually doesn't include a perceived loss in value due to an accident or body work.
This may be a glass half full way of looking at it, but when I got my GC back, in ways it was actually BETTER then when I got in the accident. All of the rock chips on my grill and hood were gone (new paint). I got new gas charged hood struts (the old ones wouldn't keep my hood up in cold weather). I got a new radiator and coolant (saved me from getting a coolant flush and fill). I got a new AC compressor, etc. So, in essence, I got a lot of new stuff that I didn't have to pay for. Heck, I even got a new front pair of tires (I went ahead and payed for the rears so I had an entire new set of tires) because there was some minor damage to the old tires in the accident. I know that is of little comfort to you, especially since your 4R is so new, but it might help keep things in perspective.
Good luck with everything and keep us posted.....