I'm not sure what she's getting at. Did she think that the Highlander ride was too soft, or steering to vague? Or did she feel that the Pilot was a bit wider and she felt safer?It was my wife that said she didn't like the ride and feel compared to the pilot
She said the pilot felt more "secure" what ever that means?
Another alternative is the Toyota Venza. It is built on a similar platform to the Highlander, but is a bit lower to the ground and smaller. It should drive a bit more car-like than the Highlander, which may or may not be what your wife is looking for.
If you think the Pilot is a bit too big, you could also consider the Honda CRV. The CRV is smaller and is also a cross-over vehicle -- built on a platform derived from the Civic, if I recall correctly. But I'm guessing that your wife wants a big vehicle because she thinks it is safer (which is arguable, but not an argument you'll likely win with a new mom).