Yeah, I'm curious about this as well. I've searched the forums a couple years back when mine started doing this and there are a few threads on it. It can be any number of things and I didn't pursue it further because my workaround is pretty simple on my truck.
I can just depress the 4wd button (on the side of the 4wd shifter knob), turn off my engine, and have it disengage when I re-start and drive a short distance. I know not everyone's disengages like that, but it might be worth a shot. Just note that (if it works for you) after you start the car again, the 4wd light will still be on but it will disengage and turn the light off after rolling forward a few feet.
My mechanic said he's had success in getting underneath 4runners with similar issues and have the 4wd engaged, but the button disengaged, then tapping the part on the t-case that engages/disengages the 4wd with a hammer. I haven't tried it yet, but I might this winter because it's really nice to just be able to push a button to turn it on and off in the variable mountain conditions of Colorado.
I'm subscribing though to see if anyone has anything new on this one.