Ah hah! That makes it crystal clear now. I mis-read the write-ups somehow.
OK, so going to attack this when I get home, and thanks to everyone's patience and very clear explanations, I'm going to:
-Attach the cooler to the driver's side using the zipties that run through the condenser and the radiator. I guess I just stick those on the cooler's 4 corners that are in contact with the condenser?
-If I can use a box wrench and reorient the L-shaped return port on the radiator to clear the lower rad hose, I can mount the cooler with the ports facing the driver's side.
-Buy some more 3/4" coolant tubing (I don't know why I keep saying 3/8) to run from the driver's side radiator port and on up to the bottom port on the cooler. The last time I was at Autozone, the only thing I could find (without asking) was just a little 4' section of pre-cut tubing. I have one of those already that I used for the transmission flush, but if it doesn't reach for some reason, is there a better way to go about sourcing this that I can get tonight? Hardware store maybe?
-I'll take the included tubing (hoping that it's the correct diameter) and connect the top port on the cooler and run it all the way back to the hard return port on the transmission. This might be where the length of the included tubing comes into to play though.
-I'll ziptie all of the tubing to secure it.
Any thoughts on the order of operations here? I'm thinking that if I mount the cooler with the hoses connected and free hanging, I can get a better idea of where I should mount it without interference from other stuff.
Is yours mounted on the drivers side? I can't tell from that sentence, but if so, that's what I'll be attempting too!
Another way to run it is having the intake/outtake pointing up on the cooler. I ran the line from the radiator through the passenger side to the intake on the left side of the cooler and ran the outlet on the right going to the driver side to a inline filter and back to the tranny. I would take pictures of it, but it's in the shop getting re-geared. For this, you don't need to change anything coming off the radiator.






